Esme & Carlisle - Their Love Story
by LovinDrCullen
Summary: The love story of Carlisle and Esme Cullen.
1. Chapter 1

1911 - Wisconsin

Esme Platt was practically dragged into the local doctor's office, and if her leg didn't hurt so bad she would have fought and clawed at her mother for more or less pulling her by the ear.

"I don't think I need to go in there," Esme said with an argumentative ring to her voice. "Can't I just let it rest for a few days at home?"

"If I wasn't so caring of my daughter I would say yes," Mrs. Platt angrily gruffed back, "And believe me it's just as embaressing for me to be bringing you here looking like that." She referred to the dirty, ripped clothing that Esme was still wearing upon her fall from a tree.

She limped up the stairs under the arm of her mother with a scowl and got slightly more angry at how quickly her mother's tone switched when she began chatting with the receptionist.

"Hello." Mrs. Platt introduced herself in a cheery tone, and explained the circumstances. "My careless teenage daughter here was swinging from trees, and it appears as though she has a significant injury to the lower part of her right leg."

The woman behind the desk smiled. "We'll get her in immediately to be seen. Luckily it's been a slow day here, so you should be able to get right in to see the doctor."

"Thank you," she responded politely, then looked back at Esme disapprovingly as the woman left the room momentarily. "We'll discuss your punishment later," she whispered, "But I hope you enjoy the color of your walls because you won't be leaving your bedroom for the rest of the evening."

Esme didn't want to respond, but decided to make some peace with her mother in hopes that maybe her mother would go light on her punishment. "Yes ma'am."

The two of them stood without saying anything for a few minutes until the receptionist returned. "Right this way."

Mrs. Platt helped Esme into one of the empty rooms in the back before making her way back out of the room to discuss things further with the woman out front, closing the door behind her.

Esme sat on the edge of the table and dangled her good leg back and forth as she waited, slightly impatiently. Her eyes drifted out the window, sad to see the sun beginning to call it a night. On the other hand, she knew it would be less time to spend alone in her room.

Just outside the room, she heard the doctor's voice speaking with his co-worker and Esme sighed, wanting to get the rest of the day over with as quickly as possible.

The solid, white door clicked open and Esme slowly switched her gaze from the darkening world outside to the man walking into the room. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and all of a sudden, perhaps for the first time ever, she wished she wasn't wearing her dirty, torn clothes. Butterflies began to make their home in the pit of her stomach and she had to consciously tell herself not to let her mouth drop open.

"Esme Platt," the man said with a wide smile, "I'm Dr. Cullen."

"Hi," she said, surprised by the sound of her own voice.

"So, I've gotten the version from your mother," he told her, still smiling as he sat down in front of where she was sitting. "Why don't you tell me what happened. Esme, is it?"

She nodded, "Yes. Uh, um, I fell out of a tree."

Dr. Cullen's smile grew wider, as he immediately admired her spirit. "Is that the whole story?" His hands made their way to the swollen, bruised section of her leg gently. "Let me know if I'm hurting you at all."

Esme's first thought was how cold his hands were. She then realized that she wanted to extend the moment for as long as possible, but she wasn't totally sure why. She felt a wave of wonderful anxiousness cross through her body and run her spine. She winced once, as he finally pushed on the area that hurt the most, and he immediately removed his hands from her leg.

Damn, she thought to herself, wishing she hadn't shown any pain.

Carlisle looked at her, and she thought he was going to continue his discussion of her leg's condition. "So," he began, "The whole story?"

Esme couldn't help but grin, and felt her cheeks grow flush as she knew she was blushing. No one had ever cared much about what she had to say, or the way she spent her time after school; not even her own parents.

"I suppose I'm not like most girls," she said with a shy shrug, "I enjoy being outside, and climbing trees and doing things that I'm not suppose to do, I guess."

Dr. Cullen smiled at her and nodded.

"I suppose you're going to tell me what they all do," Esme said, "Stay indoors. Act like a lady. Leave the mischief for the boys."

He laughed, and Esme, again, felt like she had been struck by Cupid's arrow. His laugh is so beautiful, and carefree and fun.

"Esme," he said quietly, "If there were more young ladies like yourself, maybe those stereotypes and gender barriers would finally be broken."

"What do you mean?" she asked, smiling wide.

"Do what makes you happy, and stay who you are." His eyes burned into hers as he spoke the words. When he finally broke the eye contact, he laughed again, "Just don't go around saying that I'm giving such advice or I might not have a job soon."

Esme could tell he was kidding, but a part of her felt a little pain from the thought of him actually losing his job. She didn't want that to happen, and the strength of that feeling suddenly made her feel almost confused.

Why do I care so much? she wondered. Maybe because he seems like a wonderful man.

"I'm going to continue examining your leg," he told her, continuing to look, what she felt like, was into the depths of her soul. "On a first impression I'd say it's broken. And I know it'll be difficult for you to stay indoors and off it for awhile, but if that ends up being the diagnosis, I'm going to have to ask you to do that."

Esme felt like she couldn't say no to him. She couldn't bring herself to. "Okay." She nodded and soaked in their next fifteen minutes together, which at the end seemed like just fifteen seconds.

They talked, and laughed and he completely took her mind off the pain. He was funny, and caring and handsome. Esme felt completely taken back by her conversation with him. There was one thing he did that captivated her more than anything; he listened. And not just on the surface, just nodding and smiling like everyone else she'd ever met. He commented back and gave his opinions and seemed interested and engaged. Their eyes rarely left each other's, aside from when he was examining her leg.

When Esme's mother returned to their company, and Dr. Cullen gave his analysis, she felt a wave of disappointment. She didn't want to leave the small examination room. She wanted to stay in that small doctor's office forever and talk to him.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen," Mrs. Platt said, shaking his hand. She, too, looked surprised by how cold his skin was, but she didn't say anything. "What do you say Esme?" Her voice turned harder when addressing her daughter.

Esme looked at the man in the eye. "Thank you very much Dr. Cullen."

"You're quite welcome." He smiled, then nodded again to her mother before Esme hobbled out of the of the building on crutches. She kept looking over her shoulder as she went, dreading the moment that the door closed and he disappeared from her sight. Even her mother's degrading lecture didn't get her down. All she could think of was the man who had bandaged her broken leg.

Dr. Cullen, she thought. Another sigh left her mouth and she realized she was smiling, drawing a confused expression from her mother.

"Are you even listened?" Mrs. Platt asked.

"Huh?" Esme asked, realizing she was standing with the door open.

"In the car."

"Oh." Esme sat down and her mother took the crutches from her to place in the back seat. As the car pulled away, she sat wondering in her daydreams if she would ever see Dr. Cullen again.


	2. Chapter 2

Carlisle looked over the chart he'd written out for the adventurous young lady that had just left the office.

Esme Platt, he thought to himself. What a unique name. Esme.

He began to think of the stipulations that women had to live up to and abide by, and how truly sexist and ridiculous they were. Sure, things had gotten better since the 1600's but women were still considered secondary citizens in the eyes of society. The fact that this girl, Esme, had broken through that barrier, even in the slightest of ways by climbing trees, gave Carlisle a sense of utmost respect for her bold character.

She could turn into some pioneer woman, he thought. A smile crossed his face at the thought of her leading a reform of women in the workplace, or making a salary equal to that of her future husband's. If there was one thing Carlisle thought was for certain, it was that Esme would lead a long, fulfilling life.

She will definitely be one of the rare ones who makes a difference.

"Dr. Cullen." A nurse entered the room with a smile, giving off a flirtatious vibe. "Would you like me to take that chart back to your office for you?"

Carlisle looked up for a moment, finding more of a spark from the name written on the sheet of white paper than from the attractive woman's glowing expression as she waited with a smile to hear his answer.

"I'm still looking it over," he told her, "But thank you for the offer."

"Anytime," she said, still lingering in the doorway. "Anything you need just let me know."

Carlisle nodded, letting his eyes fall back to the woman's short biography. He didn't mean to be rude to the nurse, who awkwardly left the room upon his lack of interest in her, or the double-meaning of the comment she had just laid out onto the table.

He grinned to himself again at the thought of Esme Platt making a difference in the world, and he hoped that his thoughts were accurate. With that, he brought the sheet down to be filed and left for the day with a smile on his face.

"Esme Ann, we are having company tonight and I will not have you hobbling around this house in front of our guests." Mrs. Platt hadn't had enough of scolding her daughter. "I would rather not explain to our friends about what lead you to _this_ condition." She motioned her hands down to her broken leg as she spoke just as exasperated as ever.

Esme didn't want to spend the evening with her parents' friends. They were dull, boring and rather stuck up. She always felt edgy and uncomfortable when they would visit, and so she welcomed her punishment, but didn't let it show in her features.

"Okay." She gave a pouty look to her mother.

"Your father will be home soon. I can't wait to tell him the in's and out's of our afternoon."

"I need help getting up the stairs so I can attempt to shower and sulk for the rest of the evening."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic Esme," her mother said, "It will do you no good in getting out of your punishment." She aided her daughter up the stairwell and into her bedroom.

"I've got it from here," she told her mother. "I can manage to give myself a bath and get into my pajamas for the night. I won't bother you and Dad at all."

Mrs. Platt looked at her daughter. "Very well. If you do need me to help you get dressed, give a holler. I'll be in the kitchen cooking."

Esme nodded and her mother shut the door. She looked around the empty room, knowing she would be in for a long, boring night.

It's still better than hanging around with those stiffs downstairs, she thought. Oh, and I can't wait for what my father will have to say about all of this. A repeat of my mother's words I'm sure, only more harsh.

She managed her way down to the wash room and cleaned up, being careful not to bump the leg, or ruin the cast that Dr. Cullen had assembled for her.

Esme smiled to herself at the passing thought of his name. She splashed some cold water onto her face, then leaned her hands onto the cold sink, being instantly reminded of the feel of his icy hands. A chill ran down her back, but it wasn't the cold surface that caused such a reaction.

Gosh he was handsome, she thought.

Esme continued to wash her face before eventually making her way back down the hallway to her room. She tried not to hobble around too much, as she didn't want to be bombarded and smothered by her mother.

As she slipped into her pajamas, she heard her father's voice as he made his way into the house after a long day's work. Immediately, her mother told him the story of their day, and she waited for him to barge into her room as his heavy footsteps bounded up the staircase.

"Esme." He knocked on the door, but didn't wait for her to call him in. His eyes fixed on her cast, and then the crutches and he shook his head with disapproval. "You disobeyed your mother's wishes. Playing in trees? Trees are no place for a young girl."

"I'm sorry, father. I know. It won't happen again."

He glared at his daughter, feeling embaressment washing over him at the thought that someone might have seen them in town.

The next fifteen minutes or so, Esme blocked him out. He yelled, and cursed once or twice, stating his disappointment over and over again like a broken record of a terrible song. She nodded monotonously and spoke each "Yes sir" with a blandness in her voice that made her want to vomit.

"Stay in here for the rest of the night." That was how he ended it, then left before she could respond a final time.

Esme sulked for a minute or two before she finally found a comfortable spot in the center of her bed. She eyed the white paint on the ceiling as it chipped away in certain areas.

Bored already, she thought with a sigh.

Downstairs, her parents chatted anxiously back and forth as they prepared for an evening with their stuck up friends. She hated the sound of their voices. They didn't care about who she was or what she wanted. Sure, every teenage girl feels that way at some point right? But she recognized that it was a permanent feeling, not just a passing by thought because she was angry with them. They really didn't listen.

Esme thought about her conversation with Dr. Cullen.

_He_ listened, she thought. He _really_ listened. He wasn't pretending, or yessing her to death. His eyes spoke the truth, and his responses were equally as uplifting.

She couldn't get the image of him out of her mind. She had never been instantly captivated by someone in her life. Something about him was unique and comforting.

"What was his first name?" she asked herself aloud. He hadn't said it to her directly, but she was sure someone would know, her mother perhaps.

Esme looked down at her leg and ran her hand across the cast. She closed her eyes, picturing the color of his eyes as he looked deeply into hers. They, too, were unique. She had never seen anyone with eyes of topaz and gold. Somehow the cold temperature of his hands provided her with more warmth than any touch she'd ever experienced in her life.

Her mother's hugs were rigid and stiff, and her father rarely showed any type of affection. There was no one else to throw in the mix of things, but she was sure her parents should have provided her with some sense of warmth and comfort. Esme hadn't had a boyfriend before, so she had no romantic experience to go by.

She knew Dr. Cullen was older than she was, if not by much.

He couldn't have been older than twenty-one or twenty-two, she thought, and he would never be interested in a dumb, young girl like me anyway. He's probably married.

Esme thought for a moment, knowing her eyes actively scanned his fingers for a wedding ring. She smiled to herself, knowing he hadn't been wearing one.

Maybe not.

She reached under the mattress of her bed and took out a journal she liked to write in on occasion and scribbled the day's date on the top of an empty page.

Her entry began with: I wonder if I'll ever see him again...


	3. Chapter 3

Carlisle sat alone in his home, feeling a combination of things. He found himself unable to stop thinking of the unique nature of Esme Platt's personality. She was different, and bold and intriguing. He was glad to see someone who wasn't bashful about breaking through society's degrading barriers. On the other hand, he hoped that unjust nature of her peers and even family members, wouldn't cause her distress from trying to force her to be someone she wasn't.

The unfamiliar 'high on life' feeling he was gaining from meeting the young lady was quietly accompanied by a sneaky loneliness that was beginning to take the place of Carlisle's good natured feeling. He assumed for a moment that it was nature's natural balance of a 'high' followed by a 'low', but he wasn't so sure that his thoughts were correct. He knew the science of the notion, and agreed with it, but it was his own feelings and personal nature of the situation that allowed him to have a strong bias and disagree with what he would have otherwise agreed with.

The night had begun to get the best of him, and the undying hours when the rest of the town slept seemed to drag on. He wished he had someone close enough to talk to; to have a real conversation with the way he had with Esme. For centuries he hadn't had the pleasure of a true, enjoyable interaction. Aro and the other members of the Volturi intrigued him in different ways, but he never felt carefree in the way he discussed things with his former company. The Italian coven had been cold, cross and judgmental. They listened, but scoffed at his words and beliefs half the time, and they could only truly agree on things that were proven; exact sciences and mathematics. Aside from the academic world, Carlisle and the Volturi strongly clashed on their views. The biggest difference was that Carlisle didn't degrade them for their choices.

Esme was different. She was easy to speak with. Her eyes showed her true interest in his words, and her intentions were anything but judgmental. Carlisle felt as though she could have heard him out for hours, giving her honest input on situations, and commenting from the heart on his life's choices.

Would she believe it if I told her I was a vampire? he thought. It left his mind as quickly as it had entered. His fantasies about sitting the doctor's office and talking about life with Esme Platt ran through his mind for the remainder of the night, but he knew he had to let them go.

Being two-hundred and fifty years old and without a mate made him think. He hadn't settled for a random woman, despite the loneliness he'd felt. He hadn't been willing to change a healthy, human being for several reasons; one, for the fact that he felt it was wrong to bring someone into the immortal life who still had so much human life to live, and two, because he knew if he felt nothing for the woman that the act itself would have been a waste of a life. Considering no one had particularly intrigued him, he hadn't even seriously considered turning a human women for his own benefit.

The bar has been raised, he thought to himself.

Carlisle replayed Esme's traits in his mind. She was kind, bold and had a good sense of humor; she thought for herself, but wasn't disrespectful to her elder, or parents; though Carlisle felt as though it wouldn't be totally wrong if she had been. The purity and goodness just radiated out of her and she was so full of life. She intrigued him and most of all, made him think of her long after their time together had passed. He knew he had to find a woman in the future that hit all of those "check marks", so to speak.

At least I know what to look for. He continued to think about her, staring blankly into a book on the desk in front of him that had been sitting open on the same page for hours. His eyes searched the page, finding letters consecutively from different words: "e" from the word 'made'; "s" from the word 'sacrifice'; "m" and "e" from the word "mother".

Carlisle shook his head, thinking of how crazy it was to have subconsciously spelled out her name from words on the page in a book. A small streak of sunlight began to shine through the curtains that he failed to pull shut the night before, illuminating the pages in the binding.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and found himself thankful that the night was over.

She's going to have a wonderful life, he thought to himself. The fact that he believed it made him smile. He knew Esme Platt was strong. She would be fine. She would defy her parents on occasion, and possibly strain the relationship slightly; but they would make full amends when she had children, and her mother, while overprotective and slightly sexist herself due to the times, would melt at the sight of her grandchildren. It would pull her and her daughter even closer than they ever thought imaginable.

Yes, he thought, she'll have a long, happy, healthy life.

With that, he closed the book shut and began to think of where his next move would be.


	4. Chapter 4

1921

Esme stood at the edge of the cliff looking down at the future that neared her. The decision hadn't been easy, but she weighed the alternatives; her husband was an abusive monster she had run away from; her parents might as well have been no better as they told her to turn a blind eye to her own abuse; the only love she longed for in her baby had died along with it. She had nothing left; nothing by the what-if hopefuls of motherhood that were far too depressing to contemplate.

The water churned invitingly as the menacing waves danced against the jagged rocks below. Esme knew the jump would kill her and the short, terrible life she was imprisoned into would be over; gone forever. She wasn't sure what she felt of the afterlife, but she prayed at that moment that her soul would somehow be spared and sympathy would be blessed onto her. Esme wasn't sure if she deserved it or not, but she was willing to take the chance because she was already in hell.

The moon above was partially covered by the incoming clouds, and for the past few minutes rain trickled lightly against her skin. It was cold and would have been uncomfortable if the continuous icy touches didn't remind her of her Dr. Cullen. The distant image of his face still shined clearly in her mind, as did the brief touches of his cold hands against her broken leg.

Esme reached down for a moment and touched the spot that he had casted that day, and the similarly touched her stomach as her thoughts drifted back to the baby she had lost. Tears began to pour from her eyes, and she let out long, gasping sobs that were so overwhelming that she couldn't catch her breath. She knew she would never have a son or daughter; she would never again see the only man who actually put a spark in her dying eyes, and for whatever reason she felt saddened in the thought that she would never get a chance to see eye to eye with her mother.

She inched closer to the edge, sending chips of broken rock down the ledge and into the water below. Esme knew that her leap would take her only a few feet deep into the ocean. The fall would surely do the job she was looking for.

She stood by herself, still holding her stomach as she looked out into the black and the nothingness. With a final thought of her family, Dr. Cullen, her unborn child and regrettably Charles Evenson, she jumped off the side of the rock face and down toward the rocks and icy waters below.

Carlisle sat alone at home, browsing through some things to prepare him for the night shift at work. Edward had left an hour before to hunt, leaving him alone for the latter part of the evening. Edward's company had been greatly accepted, and when he wasn't around Carlisle often found his thoughts drifting to the times he had been completely alone. Company was something he cherished, though hadn't quite gotten used to in a sense that it was permanent. There was a small, insecure part of him that feared the loneliness he once had to live with would return.

A clock ticked back and forth in the corner of the room and it began to drive him crazy, adding to the problematic thought processes he was attempting to block out and contain.

Carlisle stood up and grabbed the bag he often carried to and from the hospital where he worked. The silence was beginning to taunt him and so he left the house eagerly to prepare the night at work.

When he arrived, the night started off as any other. His co-workers were pleasant and helpful; the traumas were similar to those he experienced day in and day out. Some patients he had for awhile with lingering illnesses he made a point to see and share kind words with, hoping he somehow made a difference in their mental well-being.

A nurse stepped into the room he was in where several patients laid, all suffering from the same disease. He had made his rounds and prepared to leave them for the night when she called out his name.

"Dr. Cullen," she called, "There's a woman who needs to be examined in the morgue."

He nodded casually, "What happened?"

"She appears to have fell... or jumped from a cliff." The woman shook her head sadly, "Such a pretty, young lady."

Carlisle already felt sympathy, having experienced suicides and suicide attempts on rare occasions. He often wondered why they felt so terribly to go to such drastic measures to take their own lives; surely there was _something_ to live out their human lives for.

He shook his head sadly as he thought of what could have caused this particular woman to end her life. If she was young and beautiful there had to be something beneath the surface that pulled deeply at her soul. For once, he wish he could just ask why, and what the pain was.

The stairs were dim and dingy that lead down into the basement of the hospital. There was the smell of mold from somewhere nearby and a light flickered as he pushed open the door at the bottom of the staircase.

Carlisle stopped in his tracks immediately recognizing the faintest sound of a human heartbeat. It was withered and tired, but still echoing off the walls in the empty room. He swallowed hard and approached where the woman laid motionless in the back of the room. With each step, her heartbeat grew stronger and it wasn't until Carlisle had made his way to her bedside that he recognized her face.

Esme Platt, he thought, the girl from... this can't be right.

He looked at her again and ran a hand across her cold, human face. Despite her injuries from the fall, he could see the beautiful, young woman he had once known that had been so full of life and ready to take on the world.

This is a tragedy, he thought. A sinking feeling rose in his chest and gnawed at his throat, making his whole upper body feel tight and congested.

Carlisle closed his eyes and pressed them shut, recognizing that Esme's heartbeat was fading fast. She only had minutes left and he knew the decision that lied ahead of him was crucial. He could let her human life end and with that whatever misery that caused her to act in such an impulsive way would also end. On the other hand, he felt as though this bright, strong, beautiful, perfect woman deserved an ending far different than the one she was about to be given. Carlisle knew only he could change that.

He picked up on the clarity of his own thought, noting that since Edward had arrived he had been doing it more and more. The one word that stood out in his mind from his previous thought was a label he had never put on anything.

Perfect, he thought, to me this woman is perfect.

The second part of the thought was more like a question, though Carlisle knew he was certain which is why he was analyzing himself.

He looked down again as Esme lay dying quite literally in his arms and then scanned the room. There was nothing, nobody, not a sound. He was alone, and should someone decide to enter the morgue he would know far enough in advance.

Carlisle looked at the comfortable, closed eyes beneath the bruises on Esme's face. There was still life for her to live, no matter what that life was. He wasn't sure if she would hate him for the decision, but he felt it was worth a shot and so he leaned his mouth down against the soft flesh of her neck and tried to be as gentle as possible as he bit down.

1921

Esme stood at the edge of the cliff looking down at the future that neared her. The decision hadn't been easy, but she weighed the alternatives; her husband was an abusive monster she had run away from; her parents might as well have been no better as they told her to turn a blind eye to her own abuse; the only love she longed for in her baby had died along with it. She had nothing left; nothing by the what-if hopefuls of motherhood that were far too depressing to contemplate.

The water churned invitingly as the menacing waves danced against the jagged rocks below. Esme knew the jump would kill her and the short, terrible life she was imprisoned into would be over; gone forever. She wasn't sure what she felt of the afterlife, but she prayed at that moment that her soul would somehow be spared and sympathy would be blessed onto her. Esme wasn't sure if she deserved it or not, but she was willing to take the chance because she was already in hell.

The moon above was partially covered by the incoming clouds, and for the past few minutes rain trickled lightly against her skin. It was cold and would have been uncomfortable if the continuous icy touches didn't remind her of her Dr. Cullen. The distant image of his face still shined clearly in her mind, as did the brief touches of his cold hands against her broken leg.

Esme reached down for a moment and touched the spot that he had casted that day, and the similarly touched her stomach as her thoughts drifted back to the baby she had lost. Tears began to pour from her eyes, and she let out long, gasping sobs that were so overwhelming that she couldn't catch her breath. She knew she would never have a son or daughter; she would never again see the only man who actually put a spark in her dying eyes, and for whatever reason she felt saddened in the thought that she would never get a chance to see eye to eye with her mother.

She inched closer to the edge, sending chips of broken rock down the ledge and into the water below. Esme knew that her leap would take her only a few feet deep into the ocean. The fall would surely do the job she was looking for.

She stood by herself, still holding her stomach as she looked out into the black and the nothingness. With a final thought of her family, Dr. Cullen, her unborn child and regrettably Charles Evenson, she jumped off the side of the rock face and down toward the rocks and icy waters below.

Carlisle sat alone at home, browsing through some things to prepare him for the night shift at work. Edward had left an hour before to hunt, leaving him alone for the latter part of the evening. Edward's company had been greatly accepted, and when he wasn't around Carlisle often found his thoughts drifting to the times he had been completely alone. Company was something he cherished, though hadn't quite gotten used to in a sense that it was permanent. There was a small, insecure part of him that feared the loneliness he once had to live with would return.

A clock ticked back and forth in the corner of the room and it began to drive him crazy, adding to the problematic thought processes he was attempting to block out and contain.

Carlisle stood up and grabbed the bag he often carried to and from the hospital where he worked. The silence was beginning to taunt him and so he left the house eagerly to prepare the night at work.

When he arrived, the night started off as any other. His co-workers were pleasant and helpful; the traumas were similar to those he experienced day in and day out. Some patients he had for awhile with lingering illnesses he made a point to see and share kind words with, hoping he somehow made a difference in their mental well-being.

A nurse stepped into the room he was in where several patients laid, all suffering from the same disease. He had made his rounds and prepared to leave them for the night when she called out his name.

"Dr. Cullen," she called, "There's a woman who needs to be examined in the morgue."

He nodded casually, "What happened?"

"She appears to have fell... or jumped from a cliff." The woman shook her head sadly, "Such a pretty, young lady."

Carlisle already felt sympathy, having experienced suicides and suicide attempts on rare occasions. He often wondered why they felt so terribly to go to such drastic measures to take their own lives; surely there was _something_ to live out their human lives for.

He shook his head sadly as he thought of what could have caused this particular woman to end her life. If she was young and beautiful there had to be something beneath the surface that pulled deeply at her soul. For once, he wish he could just ask why, and what the pain was.

The stairs were dim and dingy that lead down into the basement of the hospital. There was the smell of mold from somewhere nearby and a light flickered as he pushed open the door at the bottom of the staircase.

Carlisle stopped in his tracks immediately recognizing the faintest sound of a human heartbeat. It was withered and tired, but still echoing off the walls in the empty room. He swallowed hard and approached where the woman laid motionless in the back of the room. With each step, her heartbeat grew stronger and it wasn't until Carlisle had made his way to her bedside that he recognized her face.

Esme Platt, he thought, the girl from... this can't be right.

He looked at her again and ran a hand across her cold, human face. Despite her injuries from the fall, he could see the beautiful, young woman he had once known that had been so full of life and ready to take on the world.

This is a tragedy, he thought. A sinking feeling rose in his chest and gnawed at his throat, making his whole upper body feel tight and congested.

Carlisle closed his eyes and pressed them shut, recognizing that Esme's heartbeat was fading fast. She only had minutes left and he knew the decision that lied ahead of him was crucial. He could let her human life end and with that whatever misery that caused her to act in such an impulsive way would also end. On the other hand, he felt as though this bright, strong, beautiful, perfect woman deserved an ending far different than the one she was about to be given. Carlisle knew only he could change that.

He picked up on the clarity of his own thought, noting that since Edward had arrived he had been doing it more and more. The one word that stood out in his mind from his previous thought was a label he had never put on anything.

Perfect, he thought, to me this woman is perfect.

The second part of the thought was more like a question, though Carlisle knew he was certain which is why he was analyzing himself.

He looked down again as Esme lay dying quite literally in his arms and then scanned the room. There was nothing, nobody, not a sound. He was alone, and should someone decide to enter the morgue he would know far enough in advance.

Carlisle looked at the comfortable, closed eyes beneath the bruises on Esme's face. There was still life for her to live, no matter what that life was. He wasn't sure if she would hate him for the decision, but he felt it was worth a shot and so he leaned his mouth down against the soft flesh of her neck and tried to be as gentle as possible as he bit down.


	5. Chapter 5

Carlisle hadn't gone to work. He hadn't moved from the still position he sat in beside the young woman in the bed at the house he shared with Edward. The transformation seemed to take forever; far longer than it seemed even with Edward.

From Carlisle's point of view, he felt as though he struck gold with Edward's reaction to vampirism. The dying young man he had 'saved' from a slow death to the influenza hadn't loathed him in the way he had envisioned. Happy didn't quite describe his moody personality, but he didn't at all seem resentful. They conversed, grew close and shared a mutual respect for one another. Carlisle could only hope something similar arise from Esme Platt. He hoped she wouldn't hate him for turning her into the creature he once hated so much.

The daylight hours of another day came to a close as the shadows from the sun disappeared from the walls. He rose from his seat to turn on a small light by the bed before taking the same, tense position at Esme's bedside.

Edward stirred from elsewhere in the house and a moment later he was standing just behind Carlisle.

He looked at his father-figure, "The pain is gone."

Carlisle's eyes softened, "The pain..."

"I could, um, I could hear her thoughts."

He closed his eyes and put a hand above his brow line.

"That's why I've distanced myself from you," Edward went on, "I didn't want you to know she was in pain."

Carlisle could have guessed that Esme's reaction to venom was comparable, or identical, to his own. The experience still gave him the chills; the feeling of flames entwining themselves beneath the skin as knives drove their way into every inch of the body. Simultaneously swarms of bees stung the open wounds and punched particularly at the throat area making it hard to breath, think or sense anything, anything except the pain.

"She's okay now, Carlisle," Edward assured him, "That part is gone. She'll never have to feel it again."

Carlisle found some contentment with that, and recognized that both he and Edward had long since survived the burning. He was grateful and thankful that Esme would never have to go through that again.

Edward neared closer and squatted down at Carlisle's side.

_Is she about to wake up?_ he asked, now used to having silent conversations with his dearest friend and son.

Edward nodded, "I think so."

The two of them waited anxiously and several minutes passed before Esme's eyelashes began to flutter. Her hand closest to them moved just slightly and without warning, her eyes snapped open.

Carlisle stood up abruptly, and then scolded himself for doing so, hoping he didn't scare Esme in his all-too-quick movements.

_I could tell her she's an outpatient from the hospital_, he thought. _Will she recognize me? Probably not, we met so long ago._

Edward glanced at Carlisle and took a step back, recognizing the personal nature of the experience for him. When he read Esme's first though, he smiled to himself and had the urge to Carlisle what he had seen in her mind.

Esme didn't sit up right away. She laid there as stiffly as Carlisle had been sitting waiting for that moment. She studied the ceiling and seemed to mesmerized by the detail that her eyes provided her.

_This is heaven, _she thought, _Dr. Cullen is here. This can't possibly be Hell, and if it is then I'll take it._

Carlisle looked at Edward for a moment, seeing from his peripheral vision that he was smiling. Before he could ask any questions, Esme turned herself to completely face the two of them.

"Dr. Cullen?" she asked in a state of bewilderment.

Carlisle felt frozen. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

Esme's eyes didn't leave his. She didn't have a care for where she was, or what else was in the unfamiliar room they were in. The man who stood behind him was just a shadow, a blur in the midst of the man that hadn't completely left her mind in ten years, even from an encounter so brief.

He could see she was waiting for a response, and he knew she deserved one. Without another fleeting thought, he decided not to even fathom the idea of lying to the young woman. Carlisle knew she deserved the truth.

"Yes," he answered.

Esme smiled upon hearing his verbal confirmation to that of her visual one. "You work in this town?" She looked down at her body, "Am I dreaming?"

Carlisle looked over his shoulder at Edward, who still held an expression of positivity.

Esme traced her hands over her arms and down her legs. "But I..." she shook her head, "I jumped." It was that moment when she began to ponder one of two possible options to her current settings. She was either in a vivid dream, or Carlisle was, indeed, some type of angel.

"You, uh," he cleared his throat, "You almost died."

"Was I in a coma?" she asked.

"No." He shook his head.

Esme was beginning to feel just the slightest bit of worry. She felt silly before the words left her mouth, but she couldn't help but ask the next question. "Am I... dead?"

Edward chuckled, drawing Esme's whole attention to him for the first time.

_They're brothers_, she thought, noting the features of Edward's chiseled face. _He's so boyishly handsome and his eyes are an identical match to Dr. Cullen's. I've never seen someone with an eye color so... beautiful and out of the ordinary._ Her eyes drifted back to Carlisle and a rush of butterflies entered her stomach. _He is... mesmerizing and utterly handsome; handsome in a way different than Edward._

When Edward chuckled again, Esme found the boldness that lingered inside of her come to the surface. "Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Edward."

"Am I dead?" she asked again.

Carlisle cleared his throat, and didn't know the correct answer to her question._ Yes, no, kind of... a little in between._

"You were very close to death," Carlisle went on, finding the experience to be more difficult than his explanation to Edward. "So, I..."

Esme let a slow smile spread across her face and drew a hand to her cheek. _I must be blushing_.

"Oh, you can't blush anymore," Edward told her, "But you can still get that type of feeling as if you _are_ blushing."

She refocused to Edward and let her mouth hang open. _Did I just say that out loud?_ she wondered.

"No, you didn't," he told her.

_How is he doing that? This is a dream... a great, wonderful dream but a confusing one._

"You're not dreaming."

Carlisle picked up on what he was doing and looked at his son, "Edward..."

He laughed, "You wanted to be completely honest, right?"

"I'm confused," Esme confessed with an overwhelmed laugh.

"Esme," Carlisle said, "Come with me for a moment."

The way he spoke her name made her feel sixteen again. She smiled and reached for his extended hand before standing up abruptly from where she laid.

_Whoa!_ Esme thought to herself. _Okay, it's official. I reached Heaven. I'm weightless or something. Am I right?_

"Not exactly," Edward told her.

"Am I speaking these things aloud and I'm too out of my mind right now to realize it?" Esme asked. She immediately felt foolish for the question, but the words poured out of her mouth.

Edward smiled, "I can read your mind."

"Edward..." Carlisle said again, shaking his head.

_He's serious_. Esme knew the boy wasn't lying.

Carlisle positioned himself in front of Esme. "Before you look in the mirror, I just want to warn you that you may appear just slightly different than as you remember."

Esme stared at him with wondrous eyes, though the glow on her face could not be mistaken despite the marble feel and the stone-like complexion. "Okay." She looked down at her body again and recognized how different it felt to go from a lying to a standing position. Even her steps across the wooden floorboards felt different somehow, but there was too much going on for her to accurately contemplate it.

Carlisle was nervous. He stepped back and motioned for Esme to look into the mirror.

For the first time she felt a twinge of fear.

_Why does Dr. Cullen look so nervous?_ she thought_. Did I get so mangled from the fall that my face was half missing or something?_

Esme's eyes drifted to Edward, and his calm demeanor eased her mind a bit. _He wouldn't look so amused if that were the case_.

She swallowed hard, and it was that moment that she recognized the burning in her throat. Her hand reached up to the area and she suddenly felt uncomfortable and edgy.

"Esme," Edward said, "We'll explain that in a moment."

Carlisle looked at him with a confused eyes. "What's going on?"

"It's her thirst, Carlisle."

Esme's attention went back to Dr. Cullen as the burning subsided for a moment. _Carlisle_, she thought to herself in a pleased tone,_ His name is Carlisle._

"Yes, his name is Carlisle," Edward told her, attempting to keep her mind off the blood-lust that he knew must have rapidly been building in her throat. "Look in the mirror."

Esme decided to do as they asked. Her attention was in so many different directions, all leads she wanted to follow up on and she wasn't quite sure which one to start with. The trust she immediately had in the two men allowed the decision to be easy, and she let her curiosity lead her toward the mirror.

She took a few steps and nearly gasped when she saw her reflection.


	6. Chapter 6

Esme drew her hand along the jawline of her face. Once soft and tender, it was now hard as marble and though she couldn't quite feel it in the same way, she could sense the frigid chill that made the immortal skin of her cheeks.

Edward glanced subtly at Carlisle, wanting to answer the question that was reoccurring intensely in his mind.

_What is she thinking?_

"My eyes..." Horror lingered in her voice.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "That won't be permanent." His follow up thought got Edward grinning. _I hope._

"Why..." she began, "How come..." The question never left her mouth, but her hands returned to her throat.

"It's your thirst," Edward blurted out.

Carlisle shot him a look of caution, anxiety and aggravation.

"I don't understand." Esme looked to Carlisle, and Edward couldn't help but grin again from her thoughts. No matter how quickly they ran through her mind, he managed to encounter nearly every fantasy she had come up with in her mind for a solid decade. They all filtered together at once with each new glance in his direction.

Esme's worries and confusion were outmatched by her desire and the uplifting surprise to see Dr. Cullen again. Both sides were pulling at her with such force that she didn't know which to focus on.

"Esme," Carlisle approached her, taking a few steps.

_He said my name again_, she thought, _the single word makes all the suffering feel worth it_.

Edward managed a full out giggle, prompting a look from both Carlisle and Esme. "Excuse me," he said politely, exiting the room at a speed that left Esme's mouth hanging open.

"This has to be some weird, warped dream," she said aloud.

"I wish for your sake that it was," Carlisle told her.

"Why?" she asked, "What do you mean?"

Esme glanced into the mirror again, now pleased the completion of her reflection now that Carlisle's perfect image stood beside her. The fact that he didn't seem to acknowledge the picture-perfect glass portrait caused her mind to jolt her heart.

_Don't get too wrapped up in this. He seems to speaking professionally. It doesn't mean he's at all interested. He could very well be married. All men get married and he must be in his thirties by now. It's been ten years..._

Esme let her eyes drift immediately to his ring finger. While she noticed the ring with his family's crest on it, she easily pointed out that it wasn't a wedding band. On the same journey up his body, she took in every angle, every aspect of his facial features.

_It doesn't appear as though he's aged a day._

"How did... how did Edward move so quickly?" she asked, looking over his shoulder as if expecting him to appear.

"I'll explain everything," Carlisle promised. He fought his urge to cup her face with his hand, finding it more difficult than he would have imagined.

_Why am I finding such a simple task to be so difficult? _he wondered.

"Why would you rather this be a dream for me?" Esme asked, catching him off-guard.

Carlisle cleared his throat again, trying his best to use a professional tone when speaking with Esme. He felt if he could place himself in a doctor role that, perhaps, he could see her as a typical patient. Just after he noted to himself that had never been just a typical patient, even as a human, which almost made him shake his head in an attempt to discredit the thought.

"I, um, well it's a little difficult to explain the reality of what took place," Carlisle told her.

"How am I alive after taking that fall?" she asked, unable to hide the tiniest hint of impatience.

_That is the spirit I remember from Esme Platt_, he thought. A smile crossed over his face that he was unable to hide. He was pleased to see that, despite the tragic ending to humanity that Esme had resorted to, there was still a fight that lingered deep in her soul.

"I had two choices when you came into the hospital," Carlisle said, struggling with the bonds of honesty.

_What's done is done is done_, he told himself, _she needs to know._

Esme waited with eager eyes. Her glance often shifted to meet her inhuman, red stare but it was only a matter of seconds before she felt compelled to look at him. She had never known a need or want like she had at that moment. Dr. Cullen was standing there, just inches away, struggling to tell her what she knew already to be a deep secret; something mysterious and undisclosed.

"What were the two choices?" she asked, unable to wait any longer.

Carlisle admired her courageous spirit, but he was beginning to feel overwhelmed and claustrophobic. "Well," he started, clearing his throat for a third time, "You were taken to the morgue. One of the nurses told me to take a look at your body, but when I went down there you still had a heartbeat. It was a quiet and rapidly slowing, but it was there."

Esme's joy disappeared just slightly, as her reason for attempting to take her own life began to replay in her mind.

_My baby. I lost my baby._

The thought echoed into her heart and soul. She knew for certain that her child would not be accompanying her on whatever journey Dr. Cullen was about to take her on. Had it been anyone else in front of her, she would have looked for a way out, or tried to run away to a place where suicide might be possible again. Esme didn't want to live without her baby, but there was something that lingered in the doctor's presence that dimmed that pain just slightly. She felt a trust, and a gentle warmth that radiated out of him. For reasons unbeknownst to her, he gave her hope.

"You very close to death," Carlisle went on, feeling desperate for Edward's gift at the moment. A second later, Edward swooped in to stand by the doorway, sensing his father may have truly wanted his assistance.

When Carlisle's thoughts were eased just slightly, Edward chose to stay.

Esme felt Edward there, though she couldn't turn away. She was held firmly in place by Carlisle's eyes as they shifted back to meet hers.

"You were close to death," he repeated, "So I..."

_You what?_ Esme begged in her mind. _Tell me. Whatever it is I don't care! I feel more alive now that I ever have before. _

"Tell her Carlisle," Edward urged with a certain nod.

Carlisle looked upward and Esme's eyes continued to follow his, never leaving his face.

_His name fits him so well_.

"Tell her," Edward said again.

"Tell me," Esme echoed, feeling excitement in the unknown nature of their situation.

When Edward snickered, she knew it couldn't be anything bad. The only lingering doubt she held was the crimson, almost evil, nature of her eyes. Similarly, she acknowledged again the uncomfortable the tight, burning feeling in her throat.

_A lingering injury from the fall?_ she wondered.

"Not exactly," Edward answered.

_I need to know what's going on. He can read my thoughts. Dr. Cullen is here. I'm fine after falling fifty feet onto jagged rocks. My eyes are red. My body feels different. Edward moved really, really fast._

"Esme," Carlisle said again, sending a familiar trickle of excitement down her spine.

"Yes?" she asked, fantasizing that his next words would be: _Will you marry me?_

Edward laughed out loud before Carlisle just decided to be honest. He was beginning to feel envious of his son's ability to read the woman in ways that he knew he would never be able to.

_Envy?_ Carlisle thought to himself. He scolded himself for the fleeting feeling and Edward seemed to continually find the humor in his typically strong-willed father's sporadic thoughts.

"Rather than allow your heartbeat to fade out, and your life to end," Carlisle said with more confidence behind the words, "I turned you into... well, I myself am a..."

Esme leaned forward. _An angel?_

Edward shook his head, but then nodded, toying with the idea that she was half-right, half-wrong.

"I changed you into what Edward and I are," Carlisle told her.

Esme believed every word he had spoken thus far. She wasn't looking for a logical explanation, because she knew there wasn't one. Even if the situation ended up being a vivid dream, she found herself to be thankful for it.

"What are you?" she asked.

The glowing expression on her face pushed Carlisle through the ending of his explanation. "A vampire."


	7. Chapter 7

_Vampires eat people. They suck the blood from their victims, they-_ Esme's thoughts were cut off by Edward's quick interruption.

"We don't do any of that," Edward said. He kept his voice even and calm.

Carlisle's eyes shot in his direction, and Esme stared up at him. She heard Edward's voice but she couldn't respond. She knew Carlisle's words were true. They had to be. If he wanted to lie he would have claimed he was an angel, or a messenger of God or something _good_.

_But he is good_, she told herself with certainty_, and Edward seems good_.

"Oh, thank you," Edward said. "You know, Carlisle, this is a lot better from _this_ point of view. Going through the confusion of the transformation wasn't so amusing... or fun in any way."

"Transformation?" Esme asked.

"You felt the burning, correct?"

She nodded and cringed at the account of all the pain.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle told her. It was the only sentence he could put together.

"A vampire." Esme stated it plainly. _Such an elaborate dream_.

"You're not dreaming," Edward laughed through the sentence.

"What do you eat?" Esme asked, looking at Carlisle, and then arching her neck to face Edward. "You said you don't eat people."

"Animals," the two of them said at the same time.

"Animals?" She was trying to take things in stride. All evidence pointed to vampirism, though she had always ruled off the creatures as nothing but mythical beasts. Carlisle and Edward certainly didn't fit the description.

"We live off the blood of animals," Carlisle explained, "There are others who do live off of human beings. Edward and I have chosen not to go that route and to keep as much of our humanity as possible."

"That's why our eyes are gold and not red like yours," Edward added, "Because you were just changed, your eyes will remain that color until the animal blood starts to become your regular diet."

Esme looked back and forth between the two of them. She wanted to laugh, but she was starting to feel a slight edginess creep in. She couldn't get the descriptions of modern day vampires out of her mind.

"You don't have fangs," she said, now squinting a little harder to zone in on their teeth.

"Not that are exposed," Carlisle told her. "Run your tongue along the back of teeth. You can feel the venom kind of salavating."

"Venom?"

He nodded, "It's ultimately what changed you."

Esme did as he suggested and threw a hand over her mouth upon feeling the fangs he had described. The venom now consumed her mouth and led her had to drift down toward her throat.

"How does this all work?" she asked.

"Well," Carlisle said, running a hand through his hair, "I hate to describe it this way," he began, "But my rationality is that most of us ate the flesh of animals in our human years; venison, turkey, chicken..."

Esme nodded, "Right."

"Well... now we just have to hunt it ourselves and rather than the meat it's the blood that we live off."

"So the fangs," she ran her tongue around the foreign feel of her mouth.

"We track down a deer, elk, bear..." Edward chimed in, "And we pounce."

Esme let a smile spread slowly across her face, "I'm going to pounce on a bear?" She laughed.

Edward began to laugh with her, "I know it seems unreal, but you will."

"Hunting is very instinctive," Carlisle informed her, "It will just happen. You'll catch the scent of something and... you'll feed on it. That's why we'll need to keep you away from humans for awhile."

"Because you're afraid I'll..." Esme's voice drifted off. She felt a little hurt.

"It's not just you," Edward explained, "I went through it. For awhile I couldn't be around humans at all. Now I have much better self-control."

Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"How did I change exactly?" she looked at Carlisle, "You said you turned me."

He nodded again and looked down.

"So..." Esme needed to know the details.

"I, uh, I've come to a point where human blood doesn't bother me really," Carlisle explained, "So just before I sensed your heartbeat was about to expire, I bit down on one of the veins in your neck. The venom spread in time to change you into... this."

She placed her hands over both sides of her neck and immediately felt the slight bump where Carlisle had bitten down. Esme glanced in the mirror again, studying her reflection.

Edward raised his eyebrows, and tried to block out the thoughts that were coming from the newest member of their family.

Esme glanced at him, not sure how vivid or exact Edward's mindreading abilities were. She felt as if she was blushing, but couldn't completely contain the desire she had held for Carlisle for all those years. The thought of him biting her neck wasn't at all scary. In fact, it was the opposite, and she tried to think of anything else merely because of Edward.

_The burning,_ she thought_, that's a feeling I will never get out of my head_.

"If I were to do what Carlisle did," Edward explained, "I wouldn't be able to stop. The taste of human blood..." he shook his head, "It's something that I crave all the time... even since learning to control it."

"So if I saw another person," Esme said, "Apart from the two of you I'd want to attack them?"

Carlisle and Edward exchanged a glanced and then nodded with equal apprehension.

"You're saying _I'm_ capable of _killing_?" she began to laugh, completely unaware of the physical power she possessed.

"We can test the theory on the animals nearby," Edward told her with a grin, "Then I think you'll have a better understanding of all this."

Esme looked to Carlisle, and then looked toward the open doorway behind them. There was so much more she needed to know, but decided that Edward's suggestion was a good start.

Carlisle saw the life filter through her face at the thought of the new adventure.

"Can we really go?" she asked the two of them.

Edward still smiled, but Carlisle looked sick with worry. Still, he knew it was a step that Esme would have to take. Her initial reaction had surpassed his expectations. He was sure she would have held a sort of grudge against him _if_ she even believed his claims in the first place.

Carlisle was pleased to know that she didn't hate him, and though he had a ton of questions for the young woman, himself, he gave a nod to the two of them and proceeded to lead Esme and Edward out of the house.


	8. Chapter 8

Carlisle looked apprehensive and on high alert, while Edward held some amusement in taking Esme outside with the two of them. He, too, was a bit cautious, but it didn't show as heavily as it did on his father's face.

"What do you use to hunt?" Esme asked. Her stare met Carlisle's and he gave a her a confused look.

"What do we use?"

"Some men use guns, bow and arrows..."

Edward began to laugh out loud again, and she looked to him wondering if something funny had passed through her thoughts that she was unaware of.

"Edward..." Carlisle said his name for the hundredth time.

"I'm missing the jokes the two of you share." Esme smiled.

He shook his head, "We use our bare hands."

"What?" she asked, looking down at her palms. Another laugh left her mouth. "Oh, my gosh. I do believe I'm going crazy."

"Esme, this is real life," Edward told her.

"Yes, I'm beginning to gather that... sort of."

Carlisle placed a hand gently on her shoulder and Esme was instantly mesmerized. She swallowed hard and looked up at him, feeling the burning subside only for a split second when her eyes met his.

"We'll take you to where you can track something down in the woods," he assured her, "Deep into the woods where there will be no chance for a human for miles and miles."

Esme looked around the area, noting that the forest surrounded them. She was nervous about hunting. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to look foolish in front of Carlisle, or Edward for that matter. She didn't know if they were serious, kidding or half-kidding.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked her.

She nodded, suddenly feeling anxious. The burning began to swell in her throat and she didn't know what to make of what was about to come.

Esme felt weightless. She began to wholly recognize that. Her feet seemed to flutter over the blades of grass that made up the yard and her entire being was completely inhuman. She visualized the sight of her demon-looking eyes, and prayed that Carlisle wasn't quite as repulsed by them as she was.

_Carlisle... I can't quite picture myself calling him that yet. Dr. Cullen... _She sighed.

"I'm ready," she said with a nod, though she wasn't completely convinced by her own words. "Yes, I think I'm ready."

He didn't want to push her, but he knew that the thirst would soon become overwhelming. He knew she would feel more comfortable and at ease once she tasted the warm blood pouring down her throat.

Carlisle had the urge to aid in the process by grabbing her hand, but he didn't feel comfortable doing that. He didn't know if she would feel comfortable with that and so he encouraged her on by waving his hand.

"You'll just act once we get out there," Edward told her with a serious nod, "Don't be nervous. You won't even be thinking once we get in the vicinity of a creature's blood."

_Is he serious?_ Esme thought. When Edward didn't answer the question that boomed through her mind she was a little shocked. When he took off running at an impossible speed, she felt the shock again, this time at a much higher level.

Carlisle turned and recognized the unbelievable look on her face. He wanted to tell her that things were okay, and that for them this was normal, but he knew his words couldn't possibly impact the way she was feeling over what she was witnessing.

"This is really real?" she asked, putting a hand on her forehead. "Am I some kind of new medicine?"

He shook his head, "No. Esme, I'm sorry."

Esme felt as though she should have felt shaky or something due to the nervous feeling that was radiating out of her chest, but she didn't; not in the same fashion she had when she was human. She felt as though the shock was enough to make her pass out, but physically she knew she wouldn't... or couldn't.

"I need a moment to comprehend all of this," she told him.

Carlisle felt a similar pain in his chest. He recognized how different it was than with Edward. He had wanted to ease his son into the transition of being an immortal, and there was an absolute part of him the worried for his physical and mental well-being.

_This_, however, was much different and he couldn't pinpoint why. He felt a bit of agony in the confusion and angst that now lingered on Esme's face. He felt guilty for bringing her into this life without her permission, or at least the permission of a family member that Edward's mother had loosely granted him. He wanted to help her, but he felt as if he had doomed her instead.

Her next words surprised him.

"Dr. Cullen," she said, "Carlisle..." Esme wanted to shake her head for being so awkward in the way she referred to him. "Dr. Cullen... I do trust you. I trust you, this is all just surreal to me right now."

Carlisle felt it again, the hammer to his chest. He hated seeing Esme so vulnerable and out of place. He wished he could fast-forward the time to a place where she felt calm and comfortable, the way Edward now did.

_Patience_, he told himself. _In time she will. This is like any new journey._

"I'm going to help you through all of this," Carlisle told her. "And you can call me whatever makes you the most comfortable." He changed his wording, "You can call me Carlisle."

Esme felt flattered as he removed the doctor-patient, professional-type of relationship away from their status.

_What status?_ she thought. _Now, I think I have some sort of status with him? What is the nature of our relationship? Oh, stop! Gosh, he's not even interested I'm sure. I need to stop. Thank God Edward isn't here right now. Whoops, Edward if you can hear my thoughts then I'm sure you know it's nothing personal that I feel that way._

"If you run," Carlisle said, breaking her thoughts, "If you run just like you did as a human, you'll be as fast to Edward... or close to it."

"No..." she shook her head, "There's no way."

"Try it." He had the urge to reach for her hand in some protective, guiding manner but again, he decided against it.

Esme looked down and noticed the open nature of his hand. She wasn't sure what she should do at that instant. Every longing urge inside of her wanted to go for it and grab his hand, pretending it was the nerves of the situation that lead her to do so if he looked at her funny. The more rational, reserved side of her knocked the thought completely away.

_In your dreams_, she thought to herself._ Well, maybe this is a dream, in which case I should go for it_. She shook her head and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I don't mean to be so... hesitant."

"It's fine," Carlisle said with a smile, attempting to make her feel more at ease. It was a practice he had mastered from being a doctor for so many years and dealing with a countless number of anxious patients.

Esme felt completely taken back and at ease. She couldn't think of anything else but the gentle nature of his voice and the warm, chiseled features of his face. "Okay," she agreed, feeling suddenly weightless again.

"Come on." He waved his had toward her and took the first running step toward the edge of the woods.

Esme felt compelled to follow and within just a few second felt the rush of the wind as she allowed her feet to have total control of her body.

_Whoa! Am I flying?_

She looked down at her feet and noted that they touched the ground with each stride. Her hair blew back and if she didn't have to zig-zag through the trees she would have closed her eyes and relished in the moment.

Esme turned to the side and saw Carlisle next to her at an even pace. He glanced over when he sensed her staring at him and smiled again in the same way he had before.

_He's so handsome_, she thought. _He's perfectly handsome and equally charming. He's -_

Her thoughts of Carlisle stopped abruptly; too abruptly for her to make sense of. The burning returned with far more intensity than it had thus far in the half hour she had been awake.

_Blood_. Esme recognized the scent instantly and suddenly knew and felt exactly what the two of them meant by 'instinct will take over'.

The scent filled her nostrils and Esme swore she felt herself lick her lips, though she wasn't quite sure. Her sole focus was on the smell of the hot, red liquid that lurked somewhere nearby; somewhere in the shadows.

She hissed, and then felt her human brain kick in.

_Was that me?_

The thought left her mind as quickly as it entered and she saw it for the first time; the object of her bloodlust. It was a large, bulky deer with antlers that towered high above it's head. Steam poured from its nose on every exhale.

Venom began to drip from her fangs and then she maneuvered herself into a crouch that felt mouthwateringly nature. Before Esme knew it, she was doing what Edward had described.

She pounced onto the animal without hesitation or thought. Her arms were outstretched and teeth barred. She felt animalistic, and when her fangs sunk into the flesh of the unsuspecting animal, she felt alive.

Esme closed her eyes and gave in to the aching, throbbing feeling in her throat. She felt the thrill and satisfaction of the hunt.


	9. Chapter 9

Esme sat on the forest floor, feeling perfectly exhausted. The scent of fresh blood still lingered in the air and made her relive her first hunting experience with vivid daydreams. The feeling the blood gave her still lingered internally, and she couldn't push the feeling from her mind.

_Blood. Blood. Blood._

All Esme could see, think or feel was the deep red color that poured like fountains of wine from the large buck she had just taken down.

_I've never known a feeling like this._

The taste of blood was almost too much. She felt like she could get lost forever sitting there in the leaves and sticks and mud. It wasn't until she heard his voice that the red began to drain from her senses.

"Esme." His voice sounded echoey and far away at first, and then her mind became clear. She snapped back to reality.

_Carlisle. Oh my gosh he saw what just happened. This isn't lady like. This isn't lady like at all._

She glanced down at her blood stained clothing and was horrified, though that instinctual lust for blood still clung to her firmly.

_It's so good. There's nothing like it._

Carlisle stood smiling, standing above her. "I told you you'd get it."

_He told me what? He approves of this? He's smiling..._

Esme took in his appearance. He still looked perfect as always without a hair out of place, and certainly not covered in blood like a maniac. She was mortified, but knew there was nothing she could do to cover up what she looked like.

Carlisle held out his hand, and she wanted to ask him to turn away for she knew she looked like a creature from somebody's nightmare. The red eyes were bad enough, but she had completely ruined her attire.

_These are my only clothes._ Her thoughts were beginning to come back more rationally. _I'm covered in blood, sitting on the ground in front of Dr. Cullen. My hair is a mess... oh, gosh, that's the last of my worries right now._

Esme took his hand and lifted herself from the ground with ease. She felt his touch radiated through her arm and throughout the rest of her body. His easygoing smile added to the feeling, and she began to wonder how he could even look at her with a strait face.

"How was it?" he asked.

"How was it?" she repeated the question and looked down at herself.

Carlisle was a little taken off-guard by the less-than-thrilled tone of her voice. "I mean..." he shrugged.

Esme could see he was genuinely asking, and then pointed out that this was probably very normal to him. "Does... this happen to you?" she looked down at her clothes and wiped blood from her mouth.

He smirked, "Whenever I hunt, yes. I try to wear clothes that I'm not particularly fond of."

Esme looked at the innocent features of face, particularly his eyes. She had yet to let go of his hand that touched hers with more care and gentleness than anyone ever had. He was utterly polite and well-mannered, even-tempered... Esme could not picture the man before her doing something as violent as she just did.

"Oh, but he _does_." A familiar voice came in from behind her.

Edward rejoined them, smiling and oozing with the blood of a creature that Esme could tell right away was not a deer. It was something different, and she felt herself begin to salivate with venom again.

Carlisle looked at Edward, tempted to ask what he had read in Esme's mind, but he did not feel right invading her privacy.

Edward's outward appearance eased her mind a bit. She didn't feel like the only blood crazed monster running around the woods. There was still a part of her, however, that was heavily self-conscious as to what Carlisle thought.

_There is nothing attractive about this look_.

Edward shifted his eyes to meet Esme's for a moment, wanting to talk her out of mindset she was currently in. He acknowledged that one day, probably sooner than later, she would see that her thoughts were silly in regards to aftermath of hunting.

Esme breathed in heavily though she acknowledged fully for the first time that she didn't have to. She sat there for a moment and tested the theory, counting down from thirty. After ten seconds of silence she saw Carlisle and Edward exchange a glance, but she didn't stop until she reached zero.

"I'm not breathing," she said.

"You don't have to," Carlisle explained, "You can, and when you get around humans you should just to make it appear as though you're human too." He shook his head, "I don't want to skip ahead that far yet."

"How long will it take until I can be with humans like you?" Esme glanced down at her blood-soaked attire and quickly realized that it wouldn't be any time soon. The smell was still triggering the venom in her fangs.

"You know the feeling you experienced when you mauled that deer?" Edward asked her.

She turned to look at him, but didn't nod.

"Multiply that by..." he shrugged, "A thousand. That's how tempting human blood is."

"You'll harness your control," Carlisle added with a reassuring nod. "We were both in the stage you're at now. Neither Edward or I could be near humans for awhile."

Esme nodded, feeling good about two things regarding his statement. One, she felt relieved that the two of them knew exactly what she was going through. Two, she would have to stay locked away in the house in the woods with Carlisle for as long as it took to overcome the bloodlust.

_That's not so bad._

Edward looked in her direction, continuing to get a kick out of Esme's immediate and ongoing attraction to his father-figure.

"Ten years _is_ a long time," he acknowledged, smiling at her.

Carlisle hadn't noticed his expression and assumed he was referring to taming the lust for human blood. "Oh, it won't be ten years, Edward."

"No," Edward agreed, still smiling, "I don't suspect so, either."

Carlisle looked at him, and then returned his attention to Esme. "Why don't we take you back to get cleaned up." His eyes drifted back to Edward, "Maybe you could go into town and buy some clothes."

"Me... buy _women's_ clothes?"

He smiled and reached in his pocket, removing some bills and then handed them to Edward.

"Like _this?" _he added in a joking manner, referring to his bloody garments.

Esme saw the lingering smirk on Carlisle's face as he shook his head.

"Get washed up quickly and go," Carlisle told him.

Edward smiled, noting that his father was thinking how logical it would be for him to go to the store while Edward and Esme got cleaned up. It was the smallest hint of jealousy and anxiety that pushed him to send Edward instead.

"How many outfits should I get?"

Carlisle shrugged, "Seven I suppose. One for each day of the week." He looked to Esme, "Is that alright for now?"

_Is that alright?_ she wondered. _That's too much._

"That's, uh," Esme swallowed hard and felt the combination of burning and sensation from the blood. Her eyes closed for a moment and then she reopened them, "That's too much."

"Hardly," he said, "I'd offer you some of our clothes, but I don't think you're partial to neckties and jackets."

She smiled and shrugged before he waved her on again. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up so I can answer any questions you may have."


	10. Chapter 10

Edward and rushed in and out of the bathroom so quickly that Esme hadn't had time to ask who was going to wash up first. He looked brand new and perfectly spotless without a trace of the immortal that lurked inside of him.

_No one on the street would ever know._ _I wonder if I had ever come in contact with vampires in my human life..._ She almost laughed out loud. _Dr. Cullen..._

"I won't be long," Edward said, smiling at Esme.

"Okay." She nodded, "Thank you for offering to go get the clothes for me."

"You're welcome." He smiled again, and then turned to Carlisle abruptly as he read his half-hearted jealous thoughts.

Carlisle didn't immediately look at Edward, as he simultaneously felt shame for feeling that way. A part of him now wished he was the one who was going to get her clothes. He was sure she would be overly thankful, and possibly politely affectionate to Edward when he returned.

_Why am I being so irrational and pigheaded? _He thought. _Maybe because I feel like it's my responsibility since I was the one who changed the poor woman into a vampire._

"Maybe..." Edward said aloud, raising his eyebrows.

"Huh?" Esme asked.

"Oh, nothing..." He smiled and threw on a cap, tipping it to her as he made his way toward the front door, "I'll be back in a bit."

Carlisle waved and then headed in through the door that Edward had exited from upon getting cleaned up. "You can have this room to yourself for as long as you need it," he told her, "Use anything you need." He opened a tall, wooden cabinet filled with towels and grabbed two of them. "Here. If you need more there are plenty in there."

Esme felt every girlish feeling return to her body. "Thank you."

He didn't smile, just nodded. "Um... I know Edward will only be about a half hour. So, if you finish cleaning up before he returns..." Carlisle whipped out of the room and back in holding a thick, wool blanket, "This isn't much, and not hardly appropriate, but you can wrap yourself in it until he arrives..." he paused, "Or if you'd feel more comfortable you can stay in there until he comes back."

Esme was speechless. She told herself to speak, and was grateful that Edward wasn't around to hear her thoughts. She finally managed the words. "Thank you."

Carlisle nodded again, "I'll be in my office. It's just down the hall on the right."

"Okay..."

He turned to leave but she called him back.

"Wait... what should I do with _these_ clothes?"

Carlisle knew the smell of the blood must have been making her uncomfortable. He felt he had been insensitive in missing that crucial part of the set up he had laid out. "I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head, "The smell of the blood. Um..." He eyed a wooden basket in the corner of the room. "Place them in there, and then just slide the basket outside of the door. I'll come get them when I hear you start the water."

Esme swallowed hard again. "Okay."

"Okay."

He turned and shut the bathroom door behind him, exiting the space as fast as he possible could.

Carlisle made his way into his office and shut the door with equal force, leaning his back against it as he closed his eyes. He tried his hardest to get the scent out of his mind by holding his breath. It wasn't the scent of blood that bothered him. It was Esme's scent; the scent that had begun to misconfigure the way his brain worked from the scent he saw her again in the morgue. It intensified when she spoke and when she looked at him softly with eager, innocent eyes.

He put his hands over his face for a moment, and then heard the water go on in the bathroom.

_Get it together. _He stood up strait and let out a deep exhale without breathing in just afterwards. He then flung open the door to his office and made his way toward the basket that Esme had left in the hall.

Carlisle wanted to discard the articles of clothing as quickly as possible so she could temporarily put the thoughts and fantasies of blood out of her mind. He wanted her to feel relaxed and stable, and with that he picked up the basket full of clothes.

The scent hit him like a wave. Blood might as well have not even been present. All he could smell was the aroma of Esme. It lingered in her hair, on her skin...

Carlisle was beginning to feel impatient with himself. He had no control over his thoughts, and he couldn't completely reel himself back in. At the same time he felt frustrated that he couldn't pinpoint a reason for the consuming feelings that passed through him, never mind the guilt and the jealousy.

He shook his head, deciding that he would return to his office, out of the vicinity of Esme for a moment, before returning to the professional manner he often conducted himself in, in order to tell her all she needed to know about being a vampire.

Esme chased the blood away from her skin, and from beneath her nails, watching it swirl in small puddles down the drain. She turned her head toward the door every so often as she heard Carlisle's footsteps walking unevenly by.

_This has to mean something. Some warped version of fate brought me back to him. My life should have ended. All odds were in favor of that, but I opened my eyes and he's there. He saved me; not just anyone. It was Dr. Cullen... Carlisle. Carlisle Cullen. _

Esme leaned back so her neck rested gently on the porcelain. She closed her eyes and tried to relax, noting again that she wasn't breathing. The water felt different, but soothing against her marble skin. She glanced down at her new body wholly for the first time and began to feel as if she was reborn into a better life; a new, divine world with a realm of possibilities.

There was only one possibility that she was interested in at that moment. She would take the deer stalking, the bloodlust and even the red eyes if she could live out her days with Dr. Cullen.

_Even platonically_, she thought, and then felt the hurt in that description.

Esme got lost in her thoughts of him. She retraced every memory she had created with her own imagination, particularly just after she met him for the first time. She had wondered many times what it would be like to kiss him; how his lips would feel against her neck; the softness of his hands as they had actually traveled down her leg as he examined the wounded area at the hospital.

_And now_, she thought, _I'm naked in his bathtub._

Esme shook her head, trying not to get ahead of herself. _It's not like that... at all. He offered the tub so I could get clean. He rushed out of here so fast. He obviously had no interest or intention of anything more._

She continued to wash up and could have stayed in the bath water all day. It was soothing, comforting. However, there was a part of her that wanted to talk with Dr. Cullen alone before Edward got back. She wanted to ask him everything, and she wanted it all to come from him. She wanted a chance for him to get to know her on a level that was outside that of doctor-patient.

Esme finished was she was doing, and then stood up, draining the tub completely as she did. She reached for the towel, using one of the two he had left for her before tucking the second neatly back in the cabinet.

She then glanced down at the neatly folded blanket and acknowledged that while she could have stayed in the bathroom fantasizing about the man down the hall, waiting for Edward to return, it was much more in her interest to see what reality had in store..

With that Esme wrapped the blanket around herself, feeling an intoxicating warmth from his scent that lingered on the piece of fabric, before braving it down the hallway to his office.


	11. Chapter 11

Esme stood feeling jittery outside of his closed office door. She had lifted her hand three times, but hadn't knocked and she loathed herself for it.

_Knock on the door,_ her brain ordered her hand.

Finally, the hand listed and she lightly tapped her closed fist against the two inch piece of wood that separated them.

Carlisle opened the door and waved her in. He immediately felt flustered and all of the preparing he had done in his office had gone out the window. He tried to keep his thoughts in check, but he couldn't. He resented himself for feeling the way he did, as he looked at her.

"Come in," he managed to say, keeping a cool ring to his voice that even shocked him.

_I suppose nearly three hundred years of pretending to be something I'm not is working to my favor. _

"Thank you," Esme said politely with a nod. She felt self-conscious, but giddy at the same time. The blanket covered nearly to her ankles, but she couldn't keep the thought away that she had no clothes on.

Carlisle offered her a seat on a comfortable chair across from his desk, deciding the desk would ultimately be the perfect barrier he needed to keep the atmosphere professional in nature.

Esme sat and he positioned himself on the other side, folding his hands together on top of the desk as he spoke.

"I just want to officially and openly apologize for the decision I made," he told her, "You had no choice in the matter, and it was wrong for me to decide your fate the way I did."

She shook her head and couldn't help but speak the truth, "I don't mind. I mean, I'm happy you did."

He looked down for a moment and then back up. "This... life..." he began with a sigh, "It's eternal for most of us."

Esme was a little confused, "How so?"

"Unless extreme measures are reached, we won't die."

"We can't die?"

"Well... there are ways, but it has to be from another of our kind. If one vampire wanted to kill another, they could. Only other immortals can do this."

"How? And how many others are there?"

Carlisle wanted to sugarcoat his explanation of immortal death, but decided she needed to know everything. "The only way one of our kind could die is if another ripped us to pieces and then burned the remains."

Esme made a face, but didn't seem completely overwhelmed. If this was the only way for a vampire to die then humans had it way worse. She had read of gruesome things in the newspapers, so the description wasn't something she couldn't handle.

"And there are many others," Carlisle went on, "There are covens all over this country and others. There aren't many who live humanely; hardly any in fact. Most live off the blood of humans and don't attempt to blend in with society; though I have befriended some of them in my years of traveling, and being alone."

"How long were you alone for? When did you meet Edward?"

He cleared his throat and decided on answer the second question, "Edward was dying of the Spanish Influenza in 1918. His mother also fell victim to the illness and just before her death she came to me and asked me to save him by an means necessary. She knew I was different, and didn't want her son to die at the age of seventeen. She thought I could help him."

"And you did."

"I... brought him into this life." He balked at the question, not knowing if the words 'help' or 'save' were accurate.

"You saved him."

"I kept him from leaving the earth completely." Again, Carlisle couldn't completely say he saved Edward.

"So Edward was seventeen, so that makes him..." She counted silently, "Twenty-one."

"I suppose."

Esme felt confusion sink in from his responses.

Carlisle sensed how she was feeling and elaborated. "Once you're changed into this you don't age, I mean the years go by but you'll never look any older than you do now."

"What?"

"I don't know if that's a uplifting or extremely depressing."

_Forever youth. How depressing can that be? No wonder he didn't look any different after ten years._

"How old are you?" she asked him.

Carlisle cleared his throat and knew she wouldn't stop there. "Um... well, I suppose I'm twenty-three."

"So you were thirteen when we first met?" she teased, "Wow. You were awfully smart for your age."

He chuckled lightly, but quickly brought himself back into the serious nature of their conversation. "I'm, uh, I've been alive for over two-hundred-and-fifty years."

Esme looked at him, knowing her eyebrows had raised. She wanted to laugh, but she knew he was serious. There were no contemplations anymore. Everything the man said was true, and she knew it.

"I know it seems like a long time, but there are others who are much older than I am." His thoughts traced back to his stay in Italy. The faces of Aro, Caius, Marcus and the rest of them popped into his head. They were images he hadn't thought of if awhile.

"How much older?"

"A thousand years..." He shrugged, "Some longer."

_What was this world like a thousand years ago? Or two-hundred-and-fifty years ago._

"I came from England," Carlisle explained, "I was bitten by a nomad vampire in the sewers of London. My father was a vampire hunter to some extent, though no one ever found a real one until that night."

"Is your father..."

"I never saw him again following that night... that night I was bitten."

Esme noticed a far away pain in his eyes and felt her heart melt for him just a little. "I haven't seen my family for awhile."

Carlisle sat back and let her have the floor. He was interested in her life, and what had lead up to the event ten years after he had first come across the teenager that was so full of life.

She looked away, "I was married."

He tried not to show any emotion, but it felt like someone had sucker-punched him in the stomach.

"But, it was a terrible marriage. I was forced to marry this man, Charles, because of my family." Esme shook her head and relived her darkest days, telling Carlisle of every gruesome detail, every beating, every drunken binge and then the final blow that pushed her over the edge; the loss of her baby.

Carlisle had the urge to wrap Esme in his arms. He wanted to hug her and stroke her hair and tell her that her family was wrong; that her husband was a monster and that she didn't deserve to lose her baby.

He felt a burning in his chest, another new feeling that he was having trouble comprehending. Anger. True Anger. It washed over him like a wave and he had the urge to ask if Charles Evanson was still alive. He imagined in his mind what he could do to the man; how easily he could end his life, or make him twist in agony and pain on a level he could never forget. He wanted revenge and retribution for the man who had put his hands on Esme, beating her senseless year after year only to lead her to a place so dark that she felt there was no other way than to end her life.

Never in his life, in nearly three hundred years, had Carlisle truly felt the way he felt when she described the man she had been married to.

_Jealous. Lust. Anger._ _What has gotten into me?_ He wondered.

Esme looked across the table, meeting Carlisle's conflicted stare. He looked like he had been mentally hit by a bus, and she could see that her words affected him deeply.

"Esme," he spoke softly, blocking out the words he wanted to speak, which were along the lines of: _you can kill him now with your bare hands, or I could do it._ Instead, he dug deep in his heart. "I'm sorry."

She looked across the table, and while she felt a little shaken up by reliving her recent past, she also felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt good opening up to him because again, as she had when she was sixteen, she felt as if he was actually listening. She could see that he cared about her well-being.

"It's okay," she told him, finding it in her to share a closed mouth, genuine smile. "It actually felt good to get that all out... to get it off my chest."

Carlisle didn't break eye contact as he stared at her, and then nodded. "You deserve better than that."

Esme wanted to confess all of her girlish fantasies, but couldn't. She wanted to tell him that he was the only one who ever truly listened to her, despite how brief their previous encounter had been while she was still human. She wanted to tell him that he saved her, and that she looked at him in ways that she had never looked at anyone, and that the feeling hadn't subsided even a little bit in the ten years he had been absent from her life.

Neither of them spoke for a moment, and then the front door opened and Edward made his presence known.

Carlisle stood up from his chair and Esme turned, smiling to Edward as he crossed though the door. She expected some witty, fun remark but saw the almost hurt expression that lingered in his eyes. She realized then that he must have been able to read her mind, or Carlisle's.

"Here," he said lightly, handing Esme a bag full of clothes. "If you don't like them, we can return them and get you some new things."

"Oh, don't be silly." She attempted to be as carefree as possible. The last thing she wanted was for the two men to be tiptoeing around her as if she was a piece of breakable glass. Esme looked in the bag and shuffled through the outfits. She then walked up to Edward and without hesitation, she kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you. Thank you, so much for getting these."

Edward raised his eyebrows, a little shocked by her gesture but smiled wide. "You're welcome." He looked at Carlisle, shoved his hands in his pockets and eyed the floor.

_Oh, the seven deadly sins are getting the best of me today. _He looked at Edward. _Forgive me, son. I don't know what's come over me._

Edward shook his head and smiled with a shrug. He wanted to tell Carlisle that his jealousy was a waste of nerves and energy; that Esme's feelings were so deep and intense for him already that he had nothing to worry about as far as his relationship with the courteous young woman.

It was Esme's privacy that Edward didn't want to break, at least not at that moment. He acknowledged that Carlisle's thoughts were off, and had gone off on random tangents about the woman. He was jealous each time she interacted closely with Edward. He had passing, extremely brief thoughts of lust and there was a level of protection that he felt so desperately that it went off the charts as far as Edward was concerned.

In a nutshell, he could see that Carlisle cared deeply, and differently for Esme than he had for anyone else since they had known each other. However, his thoughts weren't so blatantly and openly love-struck the way Esme's were.

In time, Edward knew he could step in if their dance continued. From the intense nature of their first day together, he presumed it would, but he decided to keep the thoughts he had seen in both of their minds to himself for now.


	12. Chapter 12

Two weeks had flown by. Esme had gotten the hang of her new vampire self. She had hunted several times, always under the supervision of Carlisle and Edward, or at least one of them. She shared lots of laughs with Edward, and had several long talks of his human and immortal lives and the way he felt about Carlisle.

She could see the deep admiration that radiated out of him, and he confessed that he thought of Carlisle like a father. He often fed into her already enamored feeling about him by filling her in about just how great Carlisle's conquest of human blood was in their world. It was uncommon; almost unheard of.

Esme also had taken as much as time as possible to get to know Carlisle. He never minded giving details of his life, no matter how long ago they occurred, and would spend hours telling her of his journeys.

His storytelling allowed Esme to picture his past for herself. She had begun to imagine what the Volturi members looked like, only to be floored when he showed her a painting that was created of Aro, Caius, Marcus and himself.

"They look like royalty," she had told him, which he more or less confirmed was true.

He explained that they were civilized in their own right, and somewhat governed, though still fed mercilessly on human blood without remorse, even enjoying the final moments with their prey. This explanation had left Esme with a chill up her back, as she realized that some of the rumors of vampires were spot on, though not one of them applied to Carlisle. The effects of the sun, particularly, was something she had never in her wildest dreams would have expected.

The first time she had seen him sparkle, and recognized the similar shimmer off her own arms and legs, she felt captivated. The images were beautiful; Edward too. Their bodies were like a million sparkling diamonds that glowed like a heavenly shine.

Edward proclaimed his loathing for the look. He tried not to use the word 'killer' or 'monster' in front of her, but he slipped at times, which lead into conversations about Edward's concerns for their souls.

Esme respectfully disagreed, stating that both he and Carlisle were good, regardless of _what_ they were. The discussion had gone on and on, sometimes getting serious, sometimes humorous.

Carlisle was in and out with work. Edward continued to find amusement in his building jealousy of all the time that he Esme spent together that so frequently tried to block out. He often explained that he and Esme smashed rocks together and she thought it was funny, or he had her try eating a piece of fruit that she ended up spitting out. Each time, Carlisle would be externally polite, but Edward could see that he wanted to be the one to share those types of little journeys with Esme.

When Edward recognized Carlisle's true feelings for the first time, he decided to back off and stop playing games. He didn't want to drive Carlisle crazy with the possibility that Esme might have found an interest in him, when he knew this wasn't at all the case.

Their relationship was building into something far different. He felt a motherly warmth being with Esme. It was something that radiated so naturally from her. While Edward was often introducing her to knew things in their world, she was quick to respond with, "Oh, please be careful," or "Don't go too fast." Her presence made him feel good, though there was no romantic love that was budding between the two of them, even remotely, on either end.

Edward had begun excusing himself to make trips to the library, or take walks around town more regularly. He wanted to give Carlisle and Esme room to see if something more would come of their relationship. Again, there was a part of him that wanted to tell each of them separately how the other was feeling, but he felt it was fair to let them take themselves in that direction without his influence.

"I'm heading to the library," he shouted out, noting that Esme was folding some clothes and Carlisle was in his office reading.

Edward waited by the front door with an arm full of books and both of them appeared from different directions.

"When will you be back?" Esme asked him.

Edward smirked, getting that motherly feel and was tempted to ask when his curfew was, but he refrained. "A couple of hours." He looked to a calendar that they kept. "Oh, and happy two-week anniversary into this life."

Esme grinned, feeling accepted as part of their strange little family. "Thank you."

Carlisle waved goodbye, apologizing to Edward in his thoughts again for being so harsh in his thoughts.

Edward could only smile and waved to them as he left, whistling all the way down the long driveway that lead closer to society.

"Edward is great," she said happily, looking at Carlisle.

"Yeah," he said, attempting a smile back. He was waiting for her to say the words; that she was interested in him in some fashion. When she didn't, he felt a rush of relief in his chest.

Esme stared at him and smiled. "Is everything okay?"

Carlisle nodded, "Of course."

She saw he was holding back something, but she wasn't sure what it was. "Thank you so much for everything you've done for me, Carlisle." She had finally felt fully comfortable calling him that. "You don't know how much this means to me. I feel like I'm actually part of a family now." She sighed, "I had a rough life... human life anyway. I never felt a real love or warmth from my parents. I feel it with you, and with Edward."

_I hope she doesn't see me as a father-figure. _He thought. _Please don't let that be her next sentence._

"I just wanted you to know that," Esme went on, "Edward told me how he feels about a vampire's soul. And despite that, I have never been happier. I feel... happy... free."

Carlisle smiled at her and recognized the distance that was between them couldn't have been more than a foot. He looked into her eyes and wanted to confess that she made him feel more alive than he had in centuries; literally centuries.

_Two weeks, _he thought, _that's all it took was two weeks. _He began questioning himself in his mind._ Two weeks, for what?_

All of the emotions and feelings that he had never experienced before flashed through his mind. The jealousy, the intense protection, the lust he so desperately tried to push out of his mind. He had never experienced any of those things to this magnitude.

_Two weeks for what?_ he asked himself again. Carlisle didn't want to admit to himself that he had feelings for Esme. He didn't know why he was fighting off the feeling so adamantly. Was it for his own protection? For hers? He didn't know.

"I feel those things too," he told her, recognizing he had left an incredibly awkward silence, "I mean the free, happy feeling."

Esme thought of what he had told her in one of their conversations, about being alone for so long. She hadn't pried into his love life, or asked if he had ever held relationships with other women. A part of her didn't want to know if he had. The thought of Carlisle with another woman made her heart hurt, but she had no room to judge, nor did she intend to. She didn't care if he had had one hundred other lovers before her. If he ever gave her a sign that she would be his last she would jump at the opportunity without even thinking about it.

"It's a good feeling," she went on, "I haven't felt this way since I've been... sixteen."

Esme held her breath, hoping she wasn't too forward with the comment. She had intended to say since she was a kid, or a teenager, but the word _sixteen_ slipped out of her mouth at the last second. Would he even put it together? Now, she hoped not.

Carlisle nodded and let out a sigh. "Well, I have to get back to writing some things down for work," he told her, "If you need help folding the clothes, or doing anything I'll leave the door open. Just come in."

"Okay." She nodded and wondered again, with more intensity, what it would be like to feel his lips against hers. She was close enough to make it happen, but didn't dare initiate anything.

"Okay." He said back.

The two of them stared at each other before Carlisle collected himself and wandered down the hall.


	13. Chapter 13

Carlisle had been working the night shift regularly at the hospital. It was the ideal situation for him, and when asked if he would prefer moving to days he declined. On days he worked double shifts, that he typically enjoyed, the hours seemed to drag. His mind was pulled back to Esme and all of the hours he could have been spending doing anything, or nothing at all, with her.

"Hey doc," his co-worker and a doctor of over two decades said, approaching him from behind.

Carlisle turned and me the smile of the middle-aged man beside him. "Dr. Williams."

"You're a hard working, kid you know that? Smart too," he began, "Don't burn yourself out."

Carlisle smiled, "What do you mean?"

"You haven't taken a single day off in over a week. You're working double shifts," the man shrugged, "Go on a vacation or something."

He laughed and recognized that it had been awhile since he had a day off.

"And nights for over a month," Dr. Williams added, "I don't know how you do it. Tell 'em to put you on days. You've earned your keep here. You've got to have a little seniority."

"They offered," Carlisle told him, "I don't mind working nights. It fits my schedule quite well."

The friendly older man slapped him on the back, "Well, I suppose it's about time you got yourself a girl my friend."

Carlisle would have typically laughed and not cared about his co-worker's suggestion. He smiled and chuckled politely and shrugged. Thoughts of Esme ran through his mind and he looked at the old doctor. "I suppose you're right."

...

Esme sat alone in her room, hearing Edward reading silently aloud to himself in a tone no greater than a whisper from elsewhere in the house.

_This life is quite incredible_, she thought to herself. _I can hear him reading at a whisper from so far away. I can hear him so clearly._

Edward spoke a little louder just to tease her, and Esme smiled to herself, knowing he could 'hear' her too, in a sense. When he went back to his quieter reading style, she began to thumb through a book that Carlisle had let her borrow. It was a fiction novel, something that provided her with more entertainment than information. Sometimes she preferred those types of readings, getting lost in the characters' stories of love and conflict and drama. Esme loved Shakespeare for that reason, and thought maybe one of his stories would be her next source of late night amusement.

She glanced over at the empty space in the bed next to her and thought of Carlisle sitting there instead. She began to daydream of him going over parts of the book with her, and pointing out flaws in the storyline, linking his arm around her, cuddling next to her while they talked and kissed until the sun came up.

Upstairs, Edward cleared his throat and she sent him two telepathic messages. _I'm sorry Edward... Stay out of my head!_

Esme smiled again when she heard him giggle childishly and tried to focus on the words on the page. She couldn't help but feel a sense of loneliness. It was the first time it really weighed on her. The empty spot next to her was like a giant reminder that Carlisle Cullen was not her husband, or even a serious love interest. He was a part of something that she might never have; a fantasy.

She suddenly realized that one of the fondest moments of her imagination was waking up in a sleepy morning haze next to him. _We don't sleep_, she reminded her self. It was something she was still getting used to. _So, why even have a bed?_ Esme answered the question in her own mind the second she pondered it. She waited for Edward to make a comment as her mind went strait to the gutter, but thankfully he didn't say anything.

The front door opened and closed, making her uneasy. She knew Edward was in his room. She could hear him turning the pages. Carlisle was at work. Who was entering through the front door of the house?

_Well if it's an intruder, I could always eat him if he attacks me_. She almost laughed to herself at the private joke, but thought just after how sick the thought truly was. Edward laughed loudly upstairs, and she knew he found amusement. His calm demeanor also let her know that there was no threat, and soon after she sensed that it was Carlisle who had come into the house.

Esme leapt out of bed, readjusting her hair as she stood up. She wanted to greet him the way a wife did her husband after a long day at work. She wanted him to tell her about his day, and confide in her about his problems. She would have like to make him dinner, but hunting would be an acceptable substitute for that. She wanted him to hang his coat and turn and kiss her.

_All these wants_, she thought, _am I not the most selfish woman?_

Esme turned and looked out the window of her bedroom, having heard a graceful _thump_ just outside. Edward had leapt from the upstairs window and was heading towards the woods.

She suddenly felt overcome with waves of anxiety. There had been plenty of times that she had been alone with Carlisle, but her imagination, the book she had been reading and just the fact that it was middle of the night made her whole body tense up.

_It's not healthy to desire a man to this level_.

Esme opened the door and decided to pretend she hadn't seen Edward leave the house. She would go up to Carlisle and casually ask him about his day. He would give her minor details before smiling and heading into his office. Their routines, thus far, would not be broken.

Carlisle let the doctor's words at the hospital replay in his mind. _It's about time you got yourself a girl._

He thought of how long he had actually waited for someone like Esme to come along.

_No,_ he thought, _Not someone_ like _Esme. Esme. I've waited for Esme this whole time._

Carlisle took in all of the aspects of the situation; the fate that he had been the one to find Esme; that she hadn't died from the fall off the cliff; that they happened to be in the exact same place at the exact same time to find each other again. The way her hand felt in his when he helped her up from the ground, or on a rare occasion where she took his hand instinctually when taking a long leap. All of those things felt right. Everything felt right with Esme.

_Do it_, he told himself. _Tell her. Do something._

"How was your day?" Esme asked, rounding the corner.

Her presence took him so off-guard that he almost jumped back.

"Or your night, I should say," she corrected.

Carlisle realized his mouth hung open just slightly, and he wanted to answer her question with something simple, but he couldn't.

_Talk_, he urged himself. _Say something._

"Fine," he told her.

Esme could see that he was off, "Did something happen?"

"Not out of the ordinary." Carlisle took a deep breath that he was unable to hide.

Esme looked up at him, and her expression changed. She could see that there was something on his mind that he needed to let out.

_Do you want to go for a walk? _He contemplated asking her. _Should I just extend me hand and see if she takes it? Should I ask if she needs to hunt?_

"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked, softer in her tone.

"Um... well..." Carlisle hated feeling so lost for words. It was perhaps more uncomfortable than thirst before he learned to control it. At the same time, he embraced the feeling whole-heartedly, recognizing that it made him feel alive. More specifically, _she_ made him feel alive.

Esme took a step in his direction. "You can talk about whatever it is. You always listen to me, I should return the favor."

_If she could just read my mind right now, this would be a lot easier. At least she'd know, and I wouldn't have to say it. Stop being such a coward. You're a grown man... almost three hundred years old to be more specific. Do it; say it, tell her!_

Carlisle held his hand out in front of him, and was about to ask if she would accompany him for a walk. When Esme's hand slipped perfectly through his, however, he froze.

Esme looked deep into his eyes. "What is it?"

Carlisle opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't. He couldn't get himself to say the words he was feeling.

Esme was only a few inches away, and she still stared up at him; her golden eyes burning into his. Their hands were still entwined and she nearly jumped on him when his hand squeezed hers.

She looked down and didn't think, but met his gaze again and hoped she wasn't misreading the situation.

Carlisle's thumb danced his circles over the top of her hand. He didn't even realize he was doing it until he stopped himself. "Esme, I..."

Esme felt his hand shake slightly. She was trying not get ahead of herself, but before he spoke another word she felt as if all of her wildest dreams were about to come true. She was standing with Carlisle Cullen, the man of her dreams, and he was gently rubbing her hand, a contact that _he _had initiated. He was at a loss for words and hadn't broken eye contact with her.

"Tell me, Carlisle," she urged. The anticipation was far too great. If he said anything other than what she was now hoping for, Esme would be crushed; completely crushed. She hadn't been expecting the night to take her where she currently stood. She hadn't even expected him to be home until the morning. Now, the way things had panned out in those last several minutes, she was anticipating her dreams to come true.

Carlisle pushed his doubts to the back of his mind. If she didn't feel for him in the same way, he would get over it... he thought anyway.

_I got past the cravings for human blood. I can get over anything. _He second-guessed himself. _I don't believe the two situations are even comparable. No, I don't know what I would do if Esme didn't feel the way I feel._

She moved just slightly closer to him, trying to be subtle, though he clearly picked up on it as he looked down.

The silence was becoming a horrible, deafening menace. It loomed around both them, stopping him from professing his deepest feelings to the woman in front of him.

She still looked at him, and he felt her small dose of confidence beginning to fade. The look on her face owned him, and without thinking he slowly pulled her into a hug against his body.

Esme wrapped her arms around him, closing her eyes as her face his chest and his scent showered over her.

_God, I could hold him forever,_ she thought.

Carlisle felt the tight nature of her embrace. He didn't know what he would do next, though when he loosened his grip just slightly the two of them made eye contact. His lips lingered just an inch or two from hers and without even thinking, he brought his lips down to meet hers, feeling her push up onto her toes in order to speed the process along.

Esme felt a rush of butterflies rushed through her chest, and down every limb of her body.

_I'm dreaming! I'm dreaming! I'm dreaming! It's not true, vampires can sleep... because I'm dreaming._

She moved her lips in perfect unison with his and tried to suppress a quiet moan as his hand rested gently on her cheek. Esme wished the moment would never end. She had never felt as passionate as she did right then.

Carlisle kept his eyes closed, completely overcome by the moment. He didn't know what had come over him, and he didn't care. When he felt his tongue collide with hers he wondered if he had crossed a line. He intended to ask for her permission first. He didn't intend to be so forceful. He didn't know for sure if she was okay with the action he had taken until he felt her pull his body closer against hers so there was no room in between the two of them.

He finally found the strength to pull himself away, though acknowledged that he could have carried on without question or remorse.

Carlisle fully separated himself from her so there was no contact of any kind. He looked away for a moment, before putting his hand over his mouth and looking Esme directly in the eye. "I'm sorry."

_He's what?_

"I'm sorry, Esme."

She stared him in disbelief. "Sorry?"

Carlisle raised his eyebrows, "I don't... I don't know..." He looked at Esme's confused, yet pleased look. She appeared as though she was quite possibly experiencing more emotions than he was, if that were at all possible. "Esme," he said, "I... my feelings for you are..."

Esme waited for him to finish the sentence but when he didn't, she decided to go with the lead he had taken. She took the few steps toward him that he had taken back to create distance and eagerly pressed her mouth to his again.

He didn't let go this time. He didn't wonder if she was offended by his bold action, or if she had doubts, or if it was Edward who had struck her attention. Carlisle could feel in her embrace that she felt exactly the way he did.

He pulled his lips from hers just for a moment, and kept their foreheads touching with his eyes closed. Esme's breaths landed on his face. He was going to tell her he had feelings for her, but a sentence with far more depth escaped his lips. "I love you."


	14. Chapter 14

_He loves me? _Esme wanted to say it back but Carlisle's lips were back against hers. She felt her hand tighten around the back of his neck and likewise, his hands were now positioned strategically around her waist, urging her hips to collide with his.

Esme let a stray thought wonder how many women Carlisle had been with in his two hundred-plus years.

The smooth nature of his lips, combined with each gentle glide of his hands made her weak in the knees.

_He's certainly done this before._

Carlisle pulled himself away and created the same type of distance he had the first time.

Esme stared at him, wondering why he refused to continue. She took a step in his direction and he reacted by staggering back slightly. "Carlisle..." She ran a hand along the side of her face for a moment, still feeling flushed by the situation.

"Esme, I-"

"I love you, too Carlisle," she said, "I love you. I thought I loved you when I first met you ten years ago, and maybe on some level I did... but every day, every time I look at you the feeling draws me in so completely that I can't think of anything else."

His eyes widened, and Esme suddenly felt very vulnerable, but continued. "You changed my life when I met you for the first time. Every man that even remotely came into my life I compared to you." She suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion and felt as if she could cry, "You were one of my final thoughts before I jumped off that cliff. And when I awoke and you were here..." She shook her head, "I don't think you could ever truly know what I was feeling at that moment. This was, on some level, meant to happen. _We_ were meant to happen."

Carlisle's mouth hung open as he acknowledged that he agreed with her claims. He couldn't quite pinpoint Esme's feelings for him prior to that moment. There were moment where he guessed she enjoyed his company, but nothing to the extent she had just described.

"I think I felt something similar when I saw it was you lying there motionless in the hospital," he confessed. "It took me a little while to catch up, but it was there for me this whole time too, a feeling... I just didn't know what it was that it was feeling... because I haven't felt this way in all of my years, Esme." He shook his head, "I tried to put you out of my mind, but I couldn't... and then the more we talked, the more I got to know you... the more I recognized the source of my jealousy when you spent time with Edward..."

"Edward!" Esme managed to bring herself away from the intense emotional grasp the situation had taken on her. She even managed a laugh. "Edward?"

"I thought you might have been interested in him, or him in you. I don't know. I just know that I work a lot, and the two of you always seemed to have so much fun together."

Esme smiled, feeling pleased that Carlisle had been jealous of another man. She didn't know why, but the feeling was there. "Carlisle, I _do_ have fun with Edward... but there's no... romantic connection."

Although he already knew it by now, he felt relieved to hear her say the words out loud.

"I'm so in love you with, Carlisle," she told him, feeling the emotions come back, "And while I've been so over the top ecstatic that you've come back into my life, I feared that one day you were going to fall in love, find a wife and I'd have to sit back and witness it all."

He laughed, and put his hands on his hips and looked down.

"What?" she asked.

Carlisle continued to laugh, and then ran a hand through his hair, "Esme, I haven't made that type of connection... ever."

"Marriage?"

"Any of it..."

Esme took a step in his direction, feeling pleased by his latest revelation. When Carlisle took another step back, she felt more confusion set in.

"I, uh," he said, still hesitant. The feelings were all new to him, as were his physical actions. While the two of them weren't human, and some of his beliefs had gone out the window years ago, he wasn't sure how right or wrong it was to take their intimacy to the next level. It was why he kept stepping backwards. He didn't know if he had the same level of restraint to keep himself from making love to Esme if she placed her hands and lips on him again.

"It's just..." he went on, searching for the right words. "Esme, we're not... married. I mean, not that I'm trying to..." Carlisle hated how incredibly stupid he was sounding with each stuttering attempt at a full sentence.

Esme jumped in, "Oh, I wasn't expecting to... or trying to..." Her words drifted.

_Well, not really... kind of?_ She knew that her words weren't completely true, nor false.

"I'd like to... take you out." Carlisle said.

The two of them looked at each other for a moment, before they laughed at the same time.

"Okay," she agreed. "But I can't really go to too many places right now."

"There are a few areas nearby-"

"Okay."

Carlisle raised his eyebrows and smiled, but quickly let it fade as his nerves began to kick in. He shoved his hands shyly into his pockets, still letting himself catch up to the reality of the situation.

_Are there really any rules now? _He asked himself. _Do we have to be married? _The battle of his mind carried on. _You have eternity. You're really going to do this now? You just kissed her for the first time. What will she think if you actually try to..._

"Let me just change my clothes," Carlisle said. "Okay?"

Esme nodded. "Yeah."

He smiled at her and rushed down the hall, returning momentarily in attire he didn't mind getting dirty.

Esme waited for him to take the lead, and this time Carlisle didn't hesitate to extend his hand. She took it eagerly and felt her whole being light up with a combination of giddy happiness, over-the-top passion, and a sense of full-on disbelief.

_Carlisle kissed me_, she reminded herself. The thought made her grin.

He looked at her before flinging open the door and without warning he lead them out into the night.

Esme wondered with a head full of ideas, what it was he had in store for the two of them.


	15. Chapter 15

Esme felt free, as if she was flying. Carlisle's hand felt perfectly melted into hers as they whipped through the woods nearby. The scent of animals was in the air, but she easily ignored them. She kept imagining the feeling that rippled through her body as he kissed her. The feel of his lips was almost too much.

Carlisle stopped them abruptly, gently tugging on her hand to let her know he was stopping so she could do the same. In front of them was a large pond, illuminated by the full moon that danced off its light ripples created from the breezy gusts of wind.

He walked a few feet toward a log that sat just a few feet away from the water's edge.

Esme followed his lead and allowed him to help her sit down next to him. "Thanks."

Carlisle nodded, and the fact that he didn't smile made her nervous. "You're sure you're content with this life?" he asked.

"This life?" she asked, "Being a... vampire?"

He nodded.

"There have been a fair share of adjustments, but Carlisle this life so far as been..." she searched for the proper word, "Enchanting to say the least."

Carlisle stared into her eyes and was tempted to kiss her again. He didn't want to overwhelm her, so he refrained. "I care about a lot, Esme. I hold some guilt for turning you into this."

"Edward says you've never taken a human life. Is that true?"

He was modest as he nodded.

"And you've been a doctor for how long?"

Carlisle thought for a moment, "A very long time."

"So you save people against all the odds that say you should be killing them. This doesn't seem like a doomed life to me. My old life was doomed... right from the start. The second I was born into it." Esme shook her head, "I felt real warmth, and caring in love from you in a five minute conversation than I ever truly did from my own family members. Spare yourself the guilt, Carlisle, because I have never been happier than I am right now."

He felt complete with her confirmation of words, and began to recognize how perfect her pale skin appeared under the lighting of the moon.

Esme felt fear in her chest. She feared that he would never kiss her again out of some type of righteousness. She reached for his hand and began to stroke his palm with her thumb for a moment.

Carlisle closed his eyes. Even the most innocent of touches alerted and awakened every part of him.

He squeezed his fingers on top of hers and she lifted the back of his hand so it touched her lips gently. He sighed and counter action with that of his own, letting his hand rest on the side of her face while his thumb danced along her cheek.

Carlisle decided not to fight it, or talk Esme out of what she was feeling. She was in this with him now, and she accepted the choice he had made when her human life was coming to an end.

_Why am I in any way trying to fight this?_ He thought.

Esme had placed her hand over his against her face. She recognized that Carlisle's eyes had been stripped of their typical color. She had never seen the black depths of his eyes as they were now. All traces of gold had diminished, though the color that replaced it was equally appealing in different ways.

"I'm happy," she told him. There was not a trace of hesitation in her voice.

"Good," Carlisle told her, "That's all I wanted for you."

Esme waited, aching to feel his touch again.

Carlisle leaned in and met her lips with his, feeling just slightly more in control of himself than he had the first time. He kept the movements of his mouth slow and consistent and left his hand gently on the side of her face.

When they separated, Esme looked into his eyes, feeling that desire and mind-blowing emotion that had been constantly leaving her speechless.

Carlisle tucked his thumb beneath her chin and kissed her once more chastely on the lips before pulling her body closer to his. He recognized that everything was about to change; the family dynamic, the way he acted and felt, the responsibility he would presume from the nature of their relationship. Not to mention he would have to actively practice self-control in ways he had no experience with.

Esme leaned into his chest and felt her heart flutter when he lifted her off the ground and sat her on his lap, leaving his arms protectively around her.

Both of them had a list of unanswered questions and fears that came with the beginning of this new, unfamiliar chapter of their lives, though neither one of them could fathom tackling those questions at that moment. They were too engulfed with the intense nature of their feelings for one another, and so they sat talking, not caring about 'what-if's' or consequences or anything of that nature.

All Carlisle could focus on was how Esme felt in his arms, and how he wanted her to stay there forever.


	16. Chapter 16

Carlisle was blissfully uneasy as he and Esme finally stood from the positions they had sat in for over five hours. They had periods of long talks, and other stints sitting in silence, never breaking contact with one another even for a split second.

He knew once they reached the house, that is when reality would kick in and some adjustments would begin to be made. He tried not thinking of the situation so rationally, but he couldn't help his thought patterns. Logic was all he knew and constantly relied on. The new types of feelings he was experiencing clouded that typical strong-willed judgment, and the uncertainties made him anxious.

On the other hand, Carlisle wondered how he ever existed without Esme in the first place. Her genuine smile, her eagerness to see him, the way she listened, the stories she told of her own brave journeys, the way she kissed him, the way she felt in his arms...

Esme noticed the increasingly light nature of the sky. While the sun hadn't quite risen, she was certain it wouldn't be long until morning was fully upon them. She looked at Carlisle, standing next to her. His perfectly sculpted figure matched entirely with his caring, compassionate personality. Their fingers that were still entwined reminded her that everything that had happened was real; that he was real.

"We should get back to the house," he said finally.

Esme nodded. He hadn't spoken in nearly a half hour, and the sudden fluid sound of his voice tugged at her heart like thousands Cupid's arrows. His words passed through her body, sounding more like a perfectly written song that a simple statement.

"Yeah, okay." She knew they had to, but she could have sat in that secret spot with him all day... for a week... a month.

Carlisle turned to her, tipping the corner of his mouth up in a smile. He sensed the slight disappointment in her voice, though he knew she understood that everything else in their lives hadn't stopped, even though it felt that way.

Esme sighed, and could see from the expression on his face and his body language that was about to kiss her. Each time he did it was like reliving their first kiss all over again.

She closed her eyes when his lips touched hers, but he stayed graceful and in control as if testing himself. Esme almost smiled in the midst of their embrace when she felt his hand clutch her shirt so hard that he ripped it just slightly. That was when he pulled himself back, looking as if it was painful to do so.

Esme studied his initial expression as his lips left hers. His eyes were pressed shut tightly and the creases in between his eyebrows showed how difficult it was for him to restrain himself. She could tell he was holding his breath and he almost looked as if he didn't want to move.

"We have to go back to see Edward," he said, trying to bring himself back to neutral with the mention of his name.

_Edward_, Esme thought. She suddenly felt guilty for pushing him completely out of her mind. Since Carlisle's lips had touched hers she hadn't been able to think of a single thing outside the realm of their relationship; at least not for an extended period of time. _What will Edward think? I hope he knows we were just out talking._

Carlisle looked as if he was back in control of himself. His eyes were opened and he looked around the immediate area. "You should probably hunt before we go back."

Esme nodded, now recognizing the burning for the first time in awhile. She put a hand by her throat, and felt it dim again as Carlisle smiled at her.

She smiled back and he nodded his head in the direction of the woods. Esme kept her hand linked with his and the two of them took off in search of a nearby food source.

...

Edward sat with his feet up on Carlisle's desk, shuffling through a book. He had a smile on his face when he heard Carlisle and Esme return and felt himself grin even wider as they entered the room.

"Oh, hunting..." he said, noticing the blood on their clothing, "I was beginning to think something else was going on."

The two of them looked at him, and Esme decided to put a little humor into the situation. She knew Edward had probably relived their night together already from the thoughts that were unable to stop replaying in their minds.

She glanced at the dirt that clung to bottom of his shoes and pointed to where his feet were crossed on top of the desk. "Feet off of the desk, Edward."

He began to laugh, and shifted to meet her light-hearted demands. "Whatever you say... mother."

Esme let a smile spread across her face and felt Carlisle lighten up next to her. She and Edward had had an ongoing joke of her 'motherly' tendencies but he had never referred to her in that way, even in a joking manner. She liked it, and his boyish features when he laughed added to the warmth she gathered whenever interacting with him.

Carlisle wanted to talk with Edward about everything, but from the way his son looked at him, he could see that a lot had been filled in against both of their wills.

_We need to talk_, he communicated through his mind.

Edward shrugged and a smile lingered on his face.

_I know you can see what I've been thinking, but just to clear things up in case there aren't what they seem... yes, I kissed Esme. We spent all night talking down at the pond. That's it. We'll talk later._

Esme watched the silent interaction as Edward gave him a subtle thumbs up. She felt a little self-conscious from their non-spoken interaction, and realized that Carlisle was communicating to him through his mind.

She decided to do the same thing. _Do you know everything, Edward?_

Edward shifted his glanced to her and gave a subtle nod, but waved his hand back and forth as if to indicate that he was filled in on _most_ of the details.

Carlisle, now, was the one who appeared self-conscious as he did as Esme had, noting the unspoken communication between her and Edward.

"Maybe we should all just speak out loud," Edward said, finally breaking their awkward attempt at filling him in secretly. "I mean, you want to talk," he motioned to Carlisle, and then shifted his eyes and posture toward Esme, "And you want to talk. You're both going to tell me the same thing... and to be honest, I already got the gist of it."

Esme looked at Carlisle, and then back to Edward. She wanted to laugh, but she held back to just a small smile instead. She felt a little relieved at how easygoing Edward was in regards to the situation.

"That's because I've known for longer than the two of you have," he explained, referring to Esme's last thought. "Both of your thoughts..." he grinned and shook his head, "Carlisle, all I kept hearing, in this order, was, she probably has feelings for Edward. I hope she doesn't see me in a fatherly way. Should I tell her how I've been feeling? I can't focus on my work. Why am I thinking of Esme so much? Maybe more time at the hospital will help, but then I won't get to spend as much time with Esme. Why do I care if she spends so much time with Edward. I'm jealous and I don't know why. I think I have feelings for her, but I'm trying not to. Why am I trying not to? Should I tell her? What will she think?"

When Edward stopped his half-teasing rant, Carlisle looked at him with his eyebrows raised and his mouth partway open.

Esme, too, was shocked but she also found humor in the way Edward voiced Carlisle's thoughts.

_He's really funny_, she thought.

"And Esme..."

_Oh, no..._

"Yours weren't far off."

_Thank you for sparing the details_. She thanked him silently, but realized it was probably because he had known her for less than a month and he was far more comfortable teasing Carlisle after the several years they had spent living together.

"I'm sorry," Carlisle apologized, "I know with your mind reading abilities it must be difficult for you."

"Carlisle," Edward said, "_I'm_ sorry. I hate unwillingly spying on your private thoughts. It's a curse, it really is. I shouldn't know anything you don't want to tell me, but it's quite literally as if you're saying the words out loud... every descriptive detail, whether true or created by your imagination."

_Okay, you can stop there Edward. _He looked at his son, not wanting Esme to hear the fantasies that he couldn't control. Again, he wasn't used to those types of feelings and thoughts taking over his mind as they did now.

"Sorry," Edward said sincerely. He looked back and forth between the two of them, "Why don't you just go ahead and tell me so we can move on."

"Tell you what?" Esme asked.

"That you've fallen in love with each other." He looked at her as if to say 'duh'.

Esme couldn't keep a smile from her face. The fact that someone outside of the two of them recognized it made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"I don't want things to... change," Carlisle said, looking at him.

"They won't," Edward assured him coolly, "Why would things change? It's not like you and I were fighting for Esme's love and she chose you." He laughed, "Like I said, I've kind of been living this for weeks. I'm way ahead of both of you. I almost thought I was going to have to intervene if one of you didn't talk to the other about it sooner or later."

_You've been living with this for weeks?_ Carlisle asked him.

Edward didn't try to mask his response. "Yes. Why do you think I'd be bothered by this? Your thoughts, I suppose, are the only thing and it's simply because I feel as if I'm invading your privacy. I'm not offended in any way."

_Right..._

"Carlisle, it's fine." Edward looked at him with a serious expression, and then slowly let a lopsided grin spread across his face. "You're going to be great for one another." His eyes shifted to meet Esme's. "You're perfect for him."

_I'm perfect for him!?_

Edward laughed at how deeply his words touched Esme and he nodded.

Carlisle looked at Edward, still feeling a little concern, but his son quickly shook his head.

"Stop... stop analyzing this."

Carlisle smiled genuinely for the first time and looked down. He knew Edward was right. He acknowledged it, himself. He was thinking too much.

"You _are_ thinking too much," Edward said. "I don't think either of you truly comprehend how far ahead of you I am. You're like plates of glass, completely see through... except to each other. Well, until now."

Esme smiled and stepped forward to hug Edward. She kept a tight grasp on him for awhile and kissed his cheek again.

Carlisle looked at him. "Thank you... for understanding."

Edward smiled again, "Carlisle, there is nothing to be ashamed about."


	17. Chapter 17

Esme laid against Carlisle's chest looking at the starry sky above them. Every so often his chest heaved up and down, and she fiddled with the buttons on his shirt each time. The light swoosh of the pond water caused by the autumn winds was peaceful and serene. All the leaves around them had turned into their specific shades of reds and yellow. It turned their perfect place into something all the more beautiful.

Carlisle drifted his hand up and down Esme's back, and had tried counting the stars in order to keep his mind from wandering. It was a great tactic until she sighed, or moved in some way. He then found himself unable to keep his mind away from her.

"Carlisle..." she whispered.

Her voice radiated through his body. He recognized each time she spoke that she owned him. She held so much power over his heart and she didn't even realize it. He turned his face to look at her. "Yeah?"

"Do you think you'll ever get tired of me?" she asked.

He could see that her question had a serious ring to it, and his own fear of losing her led him to wonder if she was asking because _she_ was actually get tired of _him_.

"Why are you asking me that?" Carlisle asked her, keeping his voice in a tone barely above that of a whisper.

Esme kept her eyes locked with his, "Because that's become my biggest fear."

"Are you tired of _me_?" he countered.

She smiled and didn't hesitate with her answer. "No."

Carlisle turned to face her completely and ran a hand along her face, "I'll die before I get tired of you."

"We can't die."

He half-smiled, "That's my point."

Esme leaned her face up and initiated a soft kiss against his lips. "I could lay here like this every night with you."

"I don't see a reason why we can't fulfill that," Carlisle told her. He brought his lips back to hers, quickly feeling the gentle nature of the embrace being taken over by his passion and desire for her.

Esme kept her eyes closed as he regretfully parted his lips from hers. Her hand lingered on his face and her lips still touched his as he spoke to her.

"These types of situations are becoming increasingly difficult for me," he confessed. The tone of his voice was husky and desperate.

She brought her lips back to his and felt a rush of excitement travel throughout the length of her body as his tongue aggressively explored her mouth.

It had been almost a month and a half since their first kiss, and the revelation that they had fallen for one another. Aside from the times that Carlisle worked the night shift, which were now few and far in between, the two of them found their way down to their private, little getaway by the pond. They would lay in each others' arms until the morning, before he would have to go to the hospital, or they decided that it was time to re-accompany Edward at home.

Both of them had made that a priority. Regardless of how much they wanted to stay engulfed in each other, whenever morning came about the two of them, or Esme if Carlisle had work, spent the remainder of the daylight hours with Edward.

Carlisle recognized why men and women lived separately, and why couples never shared a home before they were married. Having Esme next to him with her body against his all the time, and spending the midnight hours with her were the best moments of his life. After just ninety days, however, he didn't know how much longer he could hold back from the urges he so badly wanted to act on. Her encouragement, enthusiasm and all-consuming willingness to take part in those acts with him made him question why they were waiting.

_We're not a human couple, _he thought in favor of his love-lust combination, _We're awake for twenty-four hours a day. We live in the same house. We're already breaking that rule of society's expectations. Technically we shouldn't be living together, so what's breaking one more rule?_

He couldn't believe that he was so far gone from keeping a level head.

Esme moaned, and he knew from whatever experience he now had that whatever he was doing was effective.

Carlisle didn't think. He moved his mouth down toward her neck, acknowledging that some force of nature had shifted him so he was on top of her. Esme's arms clutched his shirt and the back of his head, encouraging him to continue as his lips danced along the sensitive area along her neck.

He almost kept going. He almost didn't stop. There was a small part of the self-control inside of him that urged him, pushed him, off of her.

Carlisle rolled over onto his back and prayed that Esme wouldn't immediately touch him. He wasn't sure if he had the strength to tell her to stop, or to say it wasn't right; because internally he knew it was right. He loved her, she loved him. Why was the act of love so wrong?

He closed his eyes and took in several deep breaths.

_Focus on something else; anything else. _

He tried to catch the scent of a deer, or some other animal but nothing stood out. The gentle blowing wind pushed Esme's scent right into him, and it suddenly stripped him of all his senses.

Esme knew how Carlisle felt about intimacy before marriage. She had felt the same way... once. Now, things were different. She let him have a moment to himself, knowing it was unfair if she were to try provoking him, or encouraging the situation. There was a standard in society for what was right between a man and a woman. She understood and respected those unwritten rules, but she felt, perhaps arrogantly so, that she and Carlisle were above the laws of humanity.

They weren't human. They appeared that way on the surface, but the weren't. They were stuck in the crossfire of human and animal. They hunted like animals did. They ripped weaker animals apart with their bare hands and teeth in order to feed. They didn't eat human food. They didn't sleep at night while humans slept.

_Why should we have to follow this one human rule? _she thought. _I'm selfish. I'm selfish, I should enjoy what we have. I do enjoy what we have. I enjoy laying next to him and kissing him... _She felt conflicted. _But when he kisses me like that..._

Carlisle opened his eyes. He studied the uneven patterns of the stars in the sky for a moment before turning to Esme. "I'm sorry," he told her.

Esme smiled, turning her head to face him. "Don't be."

"I am. I keep drawing this line and then crossing it. I shouldn't be putting you in this position."

"Carlisle," she said softly, "I could do this every night with you." She reiterated her original statement, feeling the need to reassure him that everything he was doing was okay. She knew he beat himself up for things that he shouldn't; or at least that she felt he shouldn't.

_Should I just ask her to be my wife? _He thought, and then thought of himself to be shallow. _Why so you can justifiably have sex with her without feeling guilty? That's not a reason to get married._

"I love you," she told him, "I'll always love you."

Carlisle rested a hand on the side of her face again. _That's a reason to get married_, he thought and acknowledged his feelings. _I love her. I would marry her right now even if I could never... I love her. I want to be with her forever. Yes, that's a reason to marry Esme._

He seriously considered the possibility of her saying yes to his proposal. He would get down on one knee and present her with a ring unique and special and made only for her. He would connect them spiritually, legally, in every way humanly possible.

Esme looked at him, waiting for him to say the words.

Carlisle recognized that his thoughts were delaying the response she was waiting for. "I love you, too, Esme."

She smiled, and he felt complete that he could be the one to make her so happy.

_One day_, he thought. _As soon as her thirst is harnessed and we can have a wedding in front of a priest with Edward as a witness. That's when I'll ask her to marry me, so we can do things properly._

Carlisle smiled back and placed a single kiss on her forehead.

Esme closed her eyes and positioned herself back against his chest.

He looked at her as she laid peacefully, still with a closed smile on her face. Carlisle felt like this luckiest man in the world.


	18. Chapter 18

Esme had been practicing her self control for blood, as Carlisle brought her closer and closer to human territory as the weeks went on. She promised him each time that she would let him know if she became aggravated or uncomfortable, and followed through with that promise.

"Holding your breath helps a great deal," he told her, "So, if you ever feel yourself slipping away from having control, hold your breath, close your eyes and think of something else... anything else."

"Okay," she nodded. The two of them walked slowly together through the woods. "Carlisle, am I getting _any_ better with this?"

He looked at her with a smile, "Yes. You are. I bring you closer and closer whenever we come out here. I just don't want to rush into to anything, that's all. You're doing great."

Esme smiled back, feeling accomplished through his words. "You're not just saying that?"

Carlisle shook his head and looked her in the eyes, "I'll always be honest with you, Esme. You've made significant improvements."

She saw no trace of deception in his eyes, though she wouldn't have been offended if she did. She knew it would have only been to make her feel better.

He took her hand and guided her along a path. "There are humans about a mile from here," he told her.

"I can smell their blood," Esme confessed.

Carlisle looked at her and she reassured him that she was fine.

"I'll always be honest with you, too," she told him. "I'm okay."

He looked down, reaching for her hand. It seemed to make her more comfortable and so they kept walking at a human-like pace.

"Tell me if it gets to be too much," he said.

"I will."

Carlisle was tempted to kiss her but he wanted her focus to be solely on the task at hand. They walked and talked until Esme tensed up just slightly and looked at him.

"Okay, I think this is as far as I can go," she said.

She stood stiffly, almost like a statue, though her shoulders were slightly slumped.

Carlisle positioned himself in between Esme and the source of her agony. He let her work her way out of the situation on her own, not saying anything and keeping a distance of a few feet.

Esme put Carlisle's suggestions to the test. She held her breath and kept visions of the hunt out of her mind. While her mind wanted to wander to what it would be like to taste the blood, she focused on the only thing that could distract her at the moment.

She thought of Carlisle's eyes, and the way he looked at her. She thought of how his lips felt against hers, and the protective way he held her. She reminisced back to the first day she saw him, and fast-forwarded to the moment just before his lips touched hers for the first time. She pictured the stars in the sky as they laid together in the grass by the pond. When she thought hard enough she could actually feel his hand as it rested on her back as they laid.

Esme opened her eyes and exhaled. She looked at Carlisle. "I can go a little farther."

He looked at her with an edgy expression. "I don't want you to push it."

"I'm okay."

Carlisle looked at her determined features and admired her, though he didn't want Esme to overdo it. He thought for a moment and decided to trust what she was telling. Since coming into this new world, she had trusted him and listened to everything he had to say without judgment. Now, he felt he owed it to Esme. He had to reciprocate those same, trusting feelings onto her.

"Okay," he said with confidence.

Esme reached for his hand again, finding strength and security in his touch.

Carlisle walked with her, glancing over every few seconds.

She held her breath, wanting to test the waters by inhaling, though she didn't feel quite brave enough to do so.

_Baby steps_, she reminded herself, _Rome wasn't built in a day._

They continued to walk, and burning increased with each step. Still, Esme didn't want to quit and turn around just yet.

Carlisle stopped momentarily as her hand squeezed his with extra enthusiasm.

"Okay, I think this is really it," Esme told him, "I can't go any further."

"Think of something else," he urged, gliding his thumb along the back of her hand. He glanced over and saw the faint outline of the house where a young couple lived. He could hear them talking, a man and a woman, about what their weekend would entail.

Esme didn't breath in or out. She remained frozen with her eyes closed. "Does this really get easier?"

"It already has," he explained, smiling without her noticing.

"Yeah? It feels..." She let out a breath, "It feels just as terrible."

"I can see the house from here," he explained, "We can't be more than two hundred feet away."

Esme opened her eyes and recognized immediately what Carlisle was talking about. She, too, heard the people speaking to each other inside and their voices aided her control process.

_They're human beings. They're people. Probably nice people._

A light snow began to fall, as the later days of November were upon them. Esme focused on the slow floating flakes and then met Carlisle's stare again. "I think I have to admit that we should probably turn around and go home."

Carlisle smiled and without warning he threw her on his back and fled full speed in the opposite direction.

Once out the immediate range of the two humans, Esme felt herself smile and let out an exhilarated laugh. She had passed another test. She was one step closer, no matter how small of a step, to gaining the control that Edward had. She wouldn't compare herself to Carlisle, as Edward continually boasted on his behalf about the God-like nature of Carlisle's accomplishments.

When Carlisle stopped, the two of them were outside of their home. He stopped and smiled, brushing snowflakes away from Esme's hair and face as they continued to fall.

"How do you feel?" he asked her with a smile.

She grinned, "I feel... good."

"Each time we do something," he reiterated, "You get better and better."

Esme felt alive whenever Carlisle talked to her about the human blood feat. She knew it wasn't easy, and there was still a big part of her that wanted to tear the door down, or burst through the windows and sink her teeth into the mouthwatering flesh of the strangers. It was something she struggled to push out of her mind, but she was able to refrain and wanted to overcome the big obstacle that separated herself from her two family members.

"Thank you for being so patient with me," she told him, "I mean it. It must not be easy."

"It's really quite simple, actually."

Esme shook her head, but Carlisle nodded to counteract her gesture.

"I love doing this with you," he confessed, "I love watching you show openly how strong you are."

"What if I ever slipped up?"

Carlisle prayed the day wouldn't come, but he knew he could never in million years judge her. "Then we would get through it together."

"Would you... think differently of me?"

He shook his head and answered right away, "No. I would be angry with myself for allowing you so close to humans. The only way you would kill a human is if I wasn't giving you my full attention. I would stop you. But, no, Esme if that days comes then I would never judge you. I know the level of restrain is almost impossible. It's perhaps the most difficult type of urge to ignore... perhaps." A smile crossed his face.

Esme grinned, recognizing that he was speaking humorously about her.

Carlisle brought his lips to hers. "You're amazing, Esme. Far better than I was at the new stage of immortality."

"Now I know you're being modest."

"I'm not." Carlisle truly believed his words. He felt inside that if he had come as close to humans so early in his years as a vampire that he wouldn't have had the ability to refrain from killing them. "It's why I spent so long alone in the woods outside of town. I couldn't risk it back then. I knew I couldn't be around humans. Not as early as you have."

"You didn't have someone so patient and kind and loving to guide you," Esme told her, touching his face while keeping her lips close to his. "I do. I have you."

Carlisle shared a few more kisses with her outside the walls of their house before he placed a final one on her nose and lightly tapped under her chin with his first two fingers. "I love you so much. You've accomplished a lot more than you could realize at this point."

Esme wasn't used to having someone praise her; nevermind praise her for the act of simply not killing somebody. Carlisle always found something nice and constructive to say. He never showed a hint of being degrading or hurtful. Esme didn't think he had it in him to be that way. He was a good man, with a pure heart and soul.

She kissed him again and then pushed some hair back away from his forehead. "I love you, too. Thank you."

Carlisle hugged her and kissed her forehead. He then smiled and gave a little wink before towing her back inside.


	19. Chapter 19

Carlisle's final shift of the week had come to a close. It had been a good week at the hospital, and he felt content with the positive nature of some of his dearest patients. One of them had overcome a serious case of pneumonia, and there were others whom had left in good spirits. Aside from that, he tended to typical human problems and minor ailments that allowed him to ease into the weekend.

He had taken the proper time to take in all the good from the week that had past at the profession he cared about so dearly. Carlisle truly did enjoy what he did for a living, and it was seeing people thrive and overcome obstacles, most recently the pneumonia case, that kept him feeling good. These types of weeks balanced out some of the more heartbreaking tales that sometimes accompanied the day in the life of a doctor.

Esme had continued to make tons of progress in regards to her control over the natural human blood instincts that told her to attack. Her level of comfort increased with her close proximity to humans. She had been talking nonstop about reconnecting with society, and it made Carlisle feel on top of the world.

Esme had set a goal for herself, stating that she wanted to have the control to take a walk down a public street by the new year. It was just over a week until Christmas, and her goal something he saw as perfectly attainable.

He wanted the best for Esme. Carlisle recognized now that her happiness meant his happiness, and her sorrows were his. He didn't just live for himself anymore. There was more to his life than that, and he wholly let that part in.

By the time he reached within a half mile of their home, he knew that something was wrong.

The atmosphere was all off. He could hear Edward's tone of voice, the panic and the guilt that rang in it. He heard something further that made him want to curl up and die, moreso than ever before. He heard Esme's short, quick sobs that sounded uncontrollable and frantic.

Carlisle rushed the rest of the way home and met the two of them just a step inside the doorway.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry," Edward said.

"What happened?" he asked, immediately placing a hand on Esme's shoulder.

The scent hit him immediately and Carlisle didn't have to ask another question. The blood on Esme's clothing, on Edward's arms and hands, it wasn't animal blood.

He couldn't find it in him to speak. He knew that nothing he could say would make that moment better. He didn't need to ask for details, and could see that Edward had already confirmed the fearful questions in his mind just from the look on his face.

All Carlisle could come up with is, "It's okay."

Esme kept her back to him. She felt ashamed and overwhelmed and suddenly highly unworthy of his presence. She didn't know what she would have done if Edward hadn't been there with her, but she feared to know the answer because her head was spinning so fast.

Edward distanced himself, knowing he had the strength to overcome the gruesome nature of the situation on his own for the time being. This allowed Carlisle to put his sole focus on Esme, though he intended to both comfort and get the full story from Edward whenever the time was appropriate.

"Esme," he said softly.

"I'm a terrible person Carlisle," she sobbed, despite having no tears to drop.

"You're not-" he began.

"I am," she said forcefully back. "I'm not good like you."

"You're better."

"I'm not better. I don't hold a candle to you. I don't deserve someone as perfect as you."

Carlisle didn't continue to argue, even though he knew her claims were highly inaccurate. He looked at Edward for a moment, who looked sad and apologetic.

He mouthed the words, "I'm sorry," and then turned his back and crossed through the living room to look out a back window. Without caring who saw, he stripped himself of his shirt and began to wipe as much of the human blood from his upper body as he could.

Carlisle knew the smell of the blood was probably adding to the situation. He had to break through to Esme somehow. He needed her to see herself in the appropriate lighting, regardless of how awry the afternoon had gone for her and Edward.

"Esme," he gently again, continuing to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Talk to me please. Let me help you."

She wanted to strip out of all of her clothing and burn the reminder immediately that she had taken a human life. On the other hand, she wanted to relish in the suffering that was caused, both mentally and physically, by the blood on her clothes. She felt as though she deserve it for causing someone else such pain. She thought of the person's family, and what they would feel from his absence.

_I am a horrible, horrible person._ Esme couldn't help but feel that way. She felt unworthy of the perfect life she had been living for the last several months.

Carlisle glanced over and saw Edward struggling for his own composure. "Edward," he said lightly, "Toss me your shirt."

His blackened eyes also glimmered with shame, though he did as his father suggested and hurried into the bathroom with impatiently before emerging and returning the back window.

"Start a fire," Carlisle told him, "Please. If you can."

Edward didn't respond, but did exactly as he asked, heading immediately for the fireplace. Carlisle kept his hand against Esme's elbow and waited for the flames before tossing Edward's bloody shirt into it.

Carlisle placed a hand on Esme's cheek, smearing some blood with his palm. Her eyes were black and appeared to be glistening, despite the fact that he knew no tears were possible. He also knew the scent was still egging on Edward, and had to be bothering Esme despite her emotional state.

"Esme," he said again, "Come with me."

She met his stare only briefly and couldn't bring herself to speak. She was afraid that the scent would send her into another frenzy, and she didn't have the words to respond.

Carlisle looked over his shoulder at Edward to make sure he was at least mildly content before starting a bath for Esme. Her body language and defeated look made him feel weak. He had never felt so vulnerable and heartbroken in his life. It was only because he knew she was in agony and at the moment he could do nothing to change that.

The water echoed off the porcelain tub and made Esme feel deaf. What once provided a type of tranquility for her was now the opposite of that. She didn't know what to do, or what was going to happen next.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her, touching her face gently. "Esme, I should have been home."

She knew it wasn't his fault. She had to take responsibility for what had happened. She wanted to tell him that, but she couldn't speak. She felt frozen.

The water in the tub continued to rise. Carlisle opened the cabinet and removed a wash cloth, and slowly shut the door behind him. He put some water on it and gently began to wash the blood away from Esme's face.

_I don't deserve him, _she thought.

Carlisle gently massaged her face with the cloth, ridding her of all the blood by her mouth and cheeks. He then proceeded to her neck, dunking the wash cloth each time into the tub.

He found himself in a different role. Carlisle was whatever Esme needed him to be. Right now he felt his skills as a doctor kick in, as well as his feelings as her best friend and lover. He looked her in the eye before closing the door and carefully beginning to remove the dress she had on, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

Esme would have felt self-conscious, though her guilt and her sorrow took over every emotion in her body. Despite it all, she trusted Carlisle with her life and everything it entailed and allowed him to try to get rid of the evidence of the day's misery.

His hands moved gently as he washed her arms and back before moving to her hands and the back of her neck.

She closed her eyes, feeling grateful and unworthy at the same time. Esme knew Carlisle was being polite and professional. He kept his eyes up and never faltered, moving her hair from one shoulder to the other as he gently ridded her body of every inch of blood.

When he was finished, he grabbed the largest towel he could find and wrapped her body in it, putting his arms around her just after.

Esme wanted to thank him and tell him how much she loved him; tell him that he was a complete gentleman and more gentle than anyone she had ever known in her entire life. She still found it hard to speak, and so she stood silently, cherishing the way he felt around her.

Carlisle pushed a single strand of hair to the side so his lips could meet her ear. "I'm so sorry, Esme." He swallowed hard and whispered, "We're going to get past this."

Esme believed him, but she didn't know how that was possible. When he came to his senses would he hate her? Would he be able to look at her the same way? Her thoughts drifted back to the human man she had killed.

_How could I have done that?_ She couldn't stop asking herself the question.

Carlisle felt her shaking, and was about to pull away to face her, but he suddenly felt her hand slide over his from beneath the towel. He cuddled himself a little tighter and stood with her by the tub. He didn't know what would make her feel better, but he needed to let her know that nothing could change how he felt her about her.

He whispered in her ear again, "I love you."


	20. Chapter 20

Esme couldn't quite get herself past what she had done. She tried reasoning the situation and telling herself that she was programmed to do it, but nothing helped. She didn't care what she was supposedly programmed to do. It wasn't what she wanted to do, and it was something that Carlisle had never done. He had beat the odds and had been proud of her and all Esme had done was let him down; at least that was how she felt.

Edward's guilt was moderate compared to Esme's. He, too, felt the deep melancholy feeling that ate up the pit of his stomach on any downtime he may have had. He had taken his Christmas break early from the school he was attending in order to recompose himself. The recent memory of the taste of human blood weighed on his mind and he couldn't completely shake it. Both he and Carlisle felt it was best for Edward to keep his distance from the school until after the new year.

Carlisle had long talks with his son about what had happened. He felt badly for what had happened. He felt responsible, especially because he was the one who created Edward and Esme. As far as he was concerned, _he_ was the one who had taken the life of the stranger who had wandered just a little too far off the beaten path.

Like Edward, Carlisle had decided to take a moderate leave of absence, recognized as a week's vacation time to visit some "out of town family members". The hospital didn't dispute his wishes, as Carlisle had never take a day off for sickness or any other reason. They allowed him the time with no questions asked.

Esme's demeanor weighed heavy on Carlisle, and it killed him to witness how distraught she was day in and day out. She always tried forcing a smile when they spoke, but he could see it was forced and that she changed. He hoped he could somehow aid in putting the life back in her eyes, and hoped that she wouldn't grow to resent him for changing her.

It was the night before Christmas Eve. Carlisle's shift at the hospital had concluded and he found his way into the house.

Edward sat in his room and from what Carlisle could tell he was typing something on a typewriter. The strokes were even and soft, and he hoped that somehow portrayed the way his son felt. Edward, too, hadn't been able to shake off the recent incident. The atmosphere in the house was edgy and strained with hints of sorrow.

Carlisle hung his jacket and wandered down the hall toward Esme's room. He saw her figure curled up beneath a blanket with only a small light by her bed illuminating the darkened room.

He carefully entered the room, knocking lightly on the frame that made up the doorway.

Esme turned her head and sat up. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hi." Carlisle walked the rest of the way, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He leaned in and touched his lips to her forehead, causing Esme's eyes to close reactively. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she told him, still speaking in a low, quiet tone.

Carlisle placed his thumb beneath her chin, "Are you sure?"

Esme nodded and looked into his eyes, knowing he could see right through her. She wanted to open up to him again and let it all out, but she knew more sobbing would do no good; especially because she couldn't even feel the eventual soothing reaction that came with the release of tears.

Carlisle crossed his arm over her body and rested his hand on the bed beside her. He made it so their lips were only a few inches apart, and then swept her hair back with his free hand. "I still think your goal is attainable, you know."

Esme closed her eyes and shook her head, "What goal?"

He knew she knew what he was talking about. "The one we set together... the one where you and I take a walk down a road somewhere in town."

"That thought is long gone from my mind."

"I think you should still consider it a possibility."

"And when I fail?"

Carlisle stroked her cheek gently, "There are no failures," he explained, "If your goal doesn't happen by the new year, which I still believe is possible, then it will happen in time... soon."

Esme shook her head, "I can't see it like that."

"Try."

She sighed, acknowledging how much she loved him, but wanted to tell him he was being unrealistic. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't at all what he thought she was.

"Carlisle..." Esme shook her head. "I'm not good like you. I'm not. I never will be now."

"You're perfect, Esme."

"No, I'm not," she told him more forcefully. "You've never taken a life."

"I've taken yours... and Edward's."

"That's not what I'm talking about. You saved us."

"I-"

"You saved my life Carlisle... and look what I've done with it."

Carlisle could see he wasn't winning the battle of words. Esme felt strongly about what had happened, and rightfully so. He placed a kiss on her cheek, and strung a short series of them to her ear.

"Have you hunted?" he asked her.

Esme nodded. She would have typically pretended it had been too long, or that she hadn't had enough in order to go with him on his hunt, but she didn't feel worthy or even up to it. She didn't feel like she belonged in the same vicinity as Carlisle. Her shame was far too deep.

He looked at her, unable to hide the disappointment in his eyes, but kept his voice steady. He had hoped she would accompany him. "Alright. I'm going to go hunt because I haven't in awhile. Today was my last day of work until after New Year's Day."

Esme nodded. "Okay."

The lack of vibrancy and happiness added to the heavy feeling that weighed on him. He hoped his upcoming extended presence in the house would be something she could at least look forward to. They could continue to move forward and work on her human blood control together, if she felt comfortable. Carlisle wanted nothing more than to bring her back and show her that she could overcome this, and that she could overcome the cravings for human blood.

He kept himself close to her and the two of them stared into each other's eyes for a moment before he gave her a little wink, giving a hurt half-smile as he did that only lasted a half of a second.

Esme wanted to pull him to her and tell him she was sorry for being so short and almost cold to him, but she couldn't pull herself out of the mood she was in.

"I'll see you when I get back," Carlisle said, standing up from the bed.

"Wait," she finally told him. She waved her hand in her direction and Carlisle bent down closer to her.

Esme gently put her hand on the back of his head and pulled him toward her, giving him one kiss on the lips. "Be safe."

Carlisle took the gesture as a mild breath through and felt moderate contentment fill his body. He turned and left the house, having the urge to go speak with Edward, but when he heard his son humming, he felt as though he was slowly getting past the situation on his own.

With that, Carlisle took off out of the house and into the woods.

Esme heard him go and cuddled herself back up under the blankets. She wished he was back next to her, or she wished she had gone with him. Either way, the rut she was in caused her to treat him differently and she wanted to change that and get back to where they stood just a couple of days ago. It was her own feelings of being not good enough for him that rooted the problem.

_He doesn't seem to feel that way_, she thought. _He is putting in all the effort to make things better and I'm just digging the hole deeper._

Esme let the loneliness of the night drag her into a downward thinking spiral. She contemplated the worst - Carlisle leaving her and her turning into a blood-consuming monster while having the conscience to care about it.

_That would be the absolutely worst thing that could happen_, Esme thought, _and I suppose now it's a real possibility._

She continued to let her thoughts get the best of her as she laid alone in the cold, dark room.

Edward sat upstairs honing in on Esme's thoughts. He couldn't keep part of the blame off of himself, and knowing how sweet and caring Esme was, it hurt him to hear what she was thinking. He had to do something to put an end to it, and that was why he had been compulsively typing away on the typewriter.

Unlike Carlisle, Edward wasn't opposed to lying to Esme in order to get her out of her mood. It was something he wouldn't choose over the truth, if the truth was a valid option. Edward could see that this case didn't fit that description.

While he felt terrible for the loss of the man in the woods, he had a much broader and more realistic feel for what life of immortals entailed. He knew most of them fed off human blood and not only loved it, they lived for it; they craved it and searched for it, and hunted people without remorse or control. Edward kept their family in perspective with all of that and it ultimately lead him to metaphorically sleep at night.

Esme, however, wasn't so familiar with the world. She far too human-like and fragile, and not to mention head over heels in love with Carlisle. Edward felt a shame in disappointing his father, but he assumed that her love for him must have been all the more consuming. The guilt was killing her, though Edward knew that Carlisle cast no judgment whatsoever on either of them. None.

Edward looked down at the newspaper he had used to make a replica that he believed Esme would buy at first glance. She was far too wrapped up in her own emotions to dig deeper, and probably had no idea that Edward had the means or capability to create a fake newspaper.

Lying had become a part of who he was, though he only ever did it for the greater good. This was one of those times.

One by one Edward took the stairs until he finally reached the first level of the house. The sight of Esme laying in her bed so helplessly hit him harder than he expected. He felt terrible, and now even more responsible for not watching her closely enough on the day they had attacked the human.

"Esme..." he said lightly, "I thought you should read this."

She sprung up from her bed, almost surprised to hear his words. Every time Esme saw Edward she wanted to apologize for hindering his progress.

"What do you have?" she asked.

"I was thinking this may make you feel better... at least a little."

Esme didn't know what he had in store, but decided to take a chance at reading the newspaper he was extending in her direction.

Her eyes moved from a small section about a local football team to an article about a good place to eat in town. She then saw what she knew Edward was speaking of. The title of the article got her attention.

_Man Killed In Woods By Animal: Wanted Serial Killer_

Esme's eyes moved rapidly from side to side. She read every detail, taking it in as the truth.

_Rodney Baker, 37, was recently killed by an unknown animal in the woods not far from his home. The attack was most likely from that of a bear, and he died immediately from the wounds._

Esme continued to read furiously.

_It has been confirmed that he has been the local version of "Jack of the Ripper", having been responsible for the slayings of seven young women in the area over the course of three years._

Edward studied her expression, and could see from her thoughts that she was buying into his fake story. He tried to make the man sound as gruesome as possible without it coming across as fake, though he began to feel as though his countless number of writing classes were beginning to aid him in new ways. He almost smiled when he saw that a small weight had been lifted from Esme's shoulders.

"He was active," Edward told her, "Or so they think. There was an unsolved murder just a few weeks before he, uh... died."

Esme stared at the paper intently for a moment, and then let a huge sigh leave her mouth. She put her head in her hands and just sat there silently for a moment.

"I know it doesn't feel justified," Edward told her, "But I think you should give yourself a break. I mean, aside from Carlisle, we've all slipped up... some I wouldn't consider it slipping up because they like it and do it on purpose," he laughed, and then got serious again, "But at least your slip up was on a local maniac. Again, I know it may not feel this way just yet, but you probably saved lives by taking his... good, innocent lives of young girls who now have a future because of you."

Esme didn't know how to feel, or what to say. She had to admit that the news was somewhat uplifting to her spirit.

"You're sure this is the same person?" she asked him, almost in disbelief.

Edward nodded, "I'm sure. I've been tracking the situation since it happened."

Esme stared up at him, and when he smiled she stood up and threw her arms around him, holding him close.

"This doesn't make it any better," she told him, though Edward could see in her thoughts that her mood was eased a lot in the last fifteen seconds.

"It makes it a _little _better. I mean, wouldn't you stop another immortal if he was going to harm me... or Carlisle... or innocent humans?"

She thought about it. "Yes. I would, but-"

"Well, you did the same thing with this monster of a human being. Human or not, he was still a monster. His biological makeup is just different."

"But, I didn't know that when I took his life."

Edward smiled, "Well, consider this a free break then." He continued to grin, revealing his boyish good looks even greater than normal. "You slipped up and killed a monster. I overheard Carlisle talking with you and I agree with him. I think your New Year's goal is still attainable."

He smiled once more and turned, walking back out of the room, grinning to himself as he did.

Esme sat in the room and looked down at the article, feeling just a little less despair. Her eyes rolled over the gloomy nature of her surroundings and for the first time in days, she walked over and switched on the brightest light in the room.


	21. Chapter 21

Carlisle had spent several hours hunting. He had to blow some steam that stemmed from his own grief. The grief lingered around Esme's and Edward's, as well as his own self-loathing for being the one to make them capable of such an act.

A big part of him was ready to return home, while a smaller fraction of him didn't think he could bear the sight of Esme feeling so low. All in all, he knew he had to be there for her, no matter how terrible it made him feel to see her in ruins.

Carlisle hightailed it back to the house, rushing at full speed. He needed to be with Esme. He suddenly regretted staying out in the forest for so long. She needed him more than ever, despite what her body language indicated. It was the little details he envisioned that fueled him; her hand on his when he comforted her after cleaning the human blood from he body; her eyes as she told him to be careful just before he left; the soft kiss she had left on his lips that was filled with a tender anguish...

The house came into view not long after his thoughts continued to cloud his mind. He took it as a good sign when he noticed the light in Esme's bedroom was on, as well as a pleather of others around the house.

Carlisle stopped his full-out run just a few feet before entering the front door. He calmly clicked it open and looked around the room, not immediately seeing anyone.

"Shift it to the left a little," Esme's voice came out from the living room. "That's good, I think. Set it and then come stand where I am."

He continued on his journey into the next room and noticed Edward first, as he positioned a small pine tree in the far left corner. Next he saw Esme standing with her arms folded across her chest as she studied his movements and how he was positioning the tree.

Carlisle couldn't hide the shock on his face from her change in demeanor, but he wasn't about to complain. It was as if someone had come in and pulled the curtain at a play, reopening it in time for a new scene to begin.

Esme turned and looked at Carlisle with a convicted stare. She looked remorseful, but gave him a genuine half-smile. When he returned it, she walked slowly up to him and gave him a hug, drawing one hand across the back of his neck.

Carlisle felt relief wash over him. Esme's body was no longer tense and guilt-ridden. She was far more relaxed and at least halfway content.

When she pulled back to kiss him, he was taken off-guard but did not by any means object. Their embrace was brief, yet passion-filled and Esme was smiling when she finally managed to pull away. She then hugged him again before he could say a word, and Carlisle met the eye of Edward.

He felt a slight hint of bashfulness wave over him, but Edward just smirked as if he knew something Carlisle didn't.

_You're both okay? _Carlisle asked him silently.

Edward nodded.

He nodded back, beginning to feel pride creep in on him upon knowing that he couldn't make Esme feel better while Edward seemed to have found the remedy. Immediately, Carlisle pushed the thought from his mind and held Esme closely to his body.

He silently thanked Edward and found a new, genuine comfort in the bond that Edward and Esme had. What they held was something special, and he was grateful that they, too, had each other.

"So, we were just putting up a Christmas tree," Edward said, "I don't know what took us so long to begin with."

Esme separated her body from Carlisle's, but kept her hands placed firmly on his shoulders as he continued to lock his hands around her waist.

"Do you guys have anything to put on it?" she asked him.

Carlisle smiled wide, seeing the returned hope in Esme's eyes. He would have brushed he hair out of her face and kissed her again if Edward hadn't been standing there, but he refrained. "No... but we could always run out and get some."

"I will," Edward volunteered, but Carlisle put a hand up.

"I'll go," he said, noting that it was Edward who had brought Esme back into the good mood she was in. He didn't want to break or discourage that and feared that if he was left alone with he that she would try to explain herself and the conversation could easily become heavy.

Esme looked at Carlisle with eyes as if to say, _no don't go._ This was confirmed just a few seconds later when Edward made a joking comment of, "Gee, thanks a lot Esme."

She turned to him and put her hand over her mouth. "Edward, I didn't mean-"

He began to laugh, "I'm kidding."

Carlisle looked at Edward, continuing to speak to him through his mind. _Stay here with Esme. You've gotten her back to feeling good about everything again. If I stay and you go, I'm afraid our conversation could turn heavy and bring her back to feeling all that grief. I'll get some decorations. Stay and... continue to do what you've been doing. Please._

Edward was again reminded of Carlisle's selflessness. It was no secret that Carlisle would have loved some extra alone time with Esme. What he wanted more was her happiness, and Edward could see where his thought patterns made sense. He could also see in Esme's thoughts that she was already thinking, _I can't wait until he comes back home_, and Carlisle hadn't even left yet. Her anticipation of his return would add to the uplifting feeling she was already given through starting to decorate for Christmas.

Esme's eyes shifted between the two of them, and she smiled when she saw they were both smiling.

"I'll be right back," Carlisle told them. He kept Esme close and took her by the hand toward the door, out of the sight of Edward for just a moment.

"Why'd you volunteer to go?" she whispered, knowing Edward could probably hear her anyway.

He tilted her chin up and kissed her lips without immediately responding. His hands drifted down her body toward her waist again and he pulled her against him, keeping his lips locked with hers.

Esme suppressed a satisfied sigh that she wanted to let out as she felt Carlisle's arousal getting the best of him while her hips still pressed against his.

Carlisle pulled himself back slowly, leaving his lips to be the last thing that left her body. He didn't completely try to hide what her touch did to him physically, though attempted to keep her eyes up and locked on his. "I'll be back soon," he whispered, "I'm glad you're feeling better."

Esme looked into his eyes and the two of them shared another, quick kiss before he winked and headed toward the door.

She stood for a moment as the door closed shut, fighting to compose herself. Her thoughts were pulled in three different directions; one - she still felt guilty for enjoying her life knowing she had taken someone else's away; two - she felt bad for wishing Edward away at the drop of a hat after he had gone out of his way to break her from her mood; three - she _was_ indeed enjoying her life for the first time since the incident and she wasn't quite sure what to make of it, though her feelings revolved around Edward's revelations and all the pre-marital bliss that was brought on by Carlisle.

Esme's mind drifted back to the way Carlisle had just kissed her. It gave her hope and reassurance that he wouldn't leave her. The feel of him up against her allowed her to visually travel down new avenues of her mind that she hadn't completely tapped into yet. It made her want to persuade him into a whole other realm of intimacy that she was beginning to contemplate more and more every day.

_Edward_, she thought.

Esme rounded the corner and re-entered the room.

Edward hand a slightly closed fist over his mouth, hiding his smile, though his eyes did all the smiling that Esme needed to confirm that he had seen what had just taken place in the kitchen.

"Why don't you and I play a little game of checkers before Carlisle gets back," he said, fully letting his grin show.

"Sounds... great."

"Great."

Esme let out the decompressing sigh she had been holding in and took a seat at the kitchen table while Edward brought out the board. She looked at him as he was about to let her choose which color she preferred.

"Thank you, Edward," she said sincerely.

"For what?" he asked, looking back at her.

"For everything. I love you." Esme was shocked by her words, but they just filtered out of her mouth. She meant them whole-heatedly.

He was almost as shocked by her words, but he knew she felt the same type of bond that he did. Without more hesitation, he said the words back. "I love you too... Mom."

Esme smiled and wanted to smother him with hugs and a collection of kisses on his cheek, but he held his hands out with the pieces of the game.

"Red or black?"


	22. Chapter 22

Carlisle, Esme and Edward celebrated Christmas, vowing not to look back in anguish of the events of their pasts, recent or distant.

Esme had asked Edward to retrieve some Christmas gifts for Carlisle. She had offered up the expensive jewelry that had taken from her human life as an exchange, seeing as she had no money, but Edward had simply laughed and refused to take her barter.

"They'll be worth the same amount as the gifts you get," she had told him, "Possibly more. You should keep the rest of the money you get from them for yourself."

Edward hadn't taken her jewelry, but followed through with his promises to get Carlisle a pair of new shoes and a pocket watch, both of which she had heard him say he needed replacement of due to extensive mud and water damage from their consistent hunts.

She had paid extra careful attention to things he liked, or may have needed, in the weeks leading up to Christmas. Carlisle had said on many occasions that he was unhappy that his watch had stopped working, though hadn't taken the time to go into town for a replacement. It was the only time she'd seen him scowl, and so she thought it would be the perfect gift.

Edward handed Esme the gifts she had wrapped for Carlisle that sat under the tree and she handed them to him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"A little something from me," she told him with a smile.

Carlisle smiled back and opened the larger box first that held a pair of dress shoes much like the ones that he'd gotten muddy. He wondered for a moment how she managed to purchase them, and then realized Edward must have made the trip to the store. "Thank you," he told her genuinely, "I'll take much better care of these than the old ones."

She handed him a second box and he raised his eyebrows. "One more."

Carlisle opened his second gift and was wowed by the pocket watch. He shuffled through the times in his mind that he must have said to Esme that he wanted a new watch. "I suppose my complaining got the best of you," he teased.

"No," she said immediately, and then realized he was kidding. Her features softened and she smiled, "I just knew you needed a new one from the times we talked."

_She's incredibly thoughtful_, he thought to himself.

"Look inside," Esme added.

Carlisle flipped open the watch to reveal the small clock face and then glanced over at the inscribing. _Christmas 1921 - With love from Esme._

"Do you like it?" she asked him.

He felt his heart ache for her, as it always did, though the intensity seemed to multiple at that moment. "I love it," his eyes met hers and she recognized all the years of loneliness that he felt from the intense nature of the look on his face, "Thank you, Esme."

_How many Christmases did he spend alone?_ she wondered. The thought suddenly made her feel sad, though only for a moment because Carlisle's far away eyes suddenly regained their glow and he grinned.

"Here you go," Edward said, handing over another gift.

"I feel a little spoiled," Carlisle claimed with a laugh. He opened the gift that Edward had gotten for him - a new hat and a casual, every-day outfit to match.

"I figured you have enough working clothes," he said, "So these can be for those occasional Saturdays you have off... or for when you and Esme take your walk around town."

Esme turned in his direction and met Edward's lingering smirk. She smiled and looked down.

"Thank you." Carlisle gave Edward a firm handshake before the two men shared a rare hug.

There were three more gifts beneath the tree, and Edward took it upon himself to grab the one he'd chosen for Esme. She, in return, handed him a gift she had made for him.

Edward unwrapped Esme's present and he grinned. "You made these?" he asked, admiring a quilt and a winter had she had knitted in her spare time.

She nodded, "Yes. Do you like them?"

He continued to grin, "You really _do_ pay attention when I talk."

"Well, you've said many times that you had these fond memories of being a child, always finding a type of soothing warmth in a blanket that was sewn by your grandmother." Esme shrugged, "I thought you might like one to keep in your room... even though we don't get cold."

Edward smiled wide and saw that his name was etched into the bottom left corner, "This is great Esme. Thank you."

She nodded and opened her gift from him. It was in pieces, but he quickly let her know of what it was. Esme could have guessed anyway from the paint and paintbrushes that went with it.

"I also consider myself a good listener," Edward said with a grin, "So, I thought you could fill in more of that free time with a little painting. Carlisle or I can set it up for you, but that, when it's all put together correctly, is an easel."

Esme's eyes lit up, "Wow. Edward..." she shook her head and hugged him, "Thank you! This is great!"

"You're welcome." He grinned and shrugged.

Edward passed the last item to Carlisle that was beneath the tree. It was his gift for Esme, though he motioned to Edward first before handing it to her.

Esme grinned, as she knew Carlisle's gift for him was outside.

"Do you know how hard it was to keep this secret from?" Carlisle asked him, "You may already know by now, but I've tried to keep my thoughts of Christmas presents out of my mind."

Edward hadn't discovered Carlisle or Esme's gift ideas prior to that day. He assumed it was probably because most of their focus, at least until the night before, had been on he and Esme's slip up.

Carlisle opened the front door and lead the way to the side of the house. "You've been toying with the idea of getting a bicycle," he said, "And I can see those envious eyes some days when we've been out on the town."

Edward began to laugh and shook his head when he saw the new bike that Carlisle had bought for him.

"I know sometimes it gets boring walking at a human pace, so maybe riding around town or to class would be more fun."

"Carlisle," he shook his head with a grin, "You didn't have to get this for me."

"It's Christmas," he reminded him with a grin. "Enjoy it."

"Thank you." Edward gave him another hug and then the three of them headed back inside.

Carlisle turned to Esme as they crossed through the doorway and handed her the box he had for her.

She smiled and carefully opened it, immediately eyeing an elegant necklace, complete with a locket charm.

"We think alike," he told her with a smile, urging her to open it. "I didn't have a picture, but..." he pointed toward the words that were written on the inside. They were simple, honest and captured every thought, feeling and emotion he held deep inside of him in three words.

_I love you._

Esme placed a hand on her chest where the piece of jewelry would go. It was then that Edward recognized that she wasn't wearing her old necklace, or her rings for that matter. He would certainly pry later, but didn't want to spoil the moment for either of them.

"This is beautiful Carlisle," she told him, imagining a picture of the two of them inside the locket. Her eyes traced over the words he had written for her over and over again until she looked up at him and gave him only a fraction of the affection she wanted to by placing a single kiss on his lips.

"I love you," she said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Esme looked to Edward and wrapped her arms around him without warning. "And I love you too." She felt more than comfortable saying the words to him now.

Edward's facial expression made Carlisle laugh, but he smiled as his son returned the words.

"I love you, too." He smiled and released her, "With that, I'm starving and I need a Christmas meal."

Esme could see that Edward's eyes were bleeding black.

"You'll be okay?" Carlisle asked him.

Edward nodded confidently, "Of course." He grinned, "Thank you again for the gifts... both of you. This has been the best Christmas that I can remember."

Esme glowed at Edward's choice of words: _The best Christmas that I can remember._

She felt the same way, and didn't want him to go, but hugged him once more and gave him the same, "Be careful," that she often spoke to Carlisle.

"Of course," he replied, "I'll be back soon."

Edward exited through the front door and within a few seconds, his scent had faded.

"Do you want to put that on?" Carlisle asked, motioning to the necklace he'd gotten for her.

"Of course," Esme said, feeling herself radiating with life.

"Come on." He took her hand and walked her in front of a mirror that hung in the corner of her room. "Make sure it looks alright."

Esme smiled and studied his expression in the reflection, noting he was a bit clumsy with the tiny pieces of gold. It made her grin wider.

"Now, I don't have much experience with this," he said with a laugh, positioning himself behind her as she lifted her hair off the base of her neck.

"_Much_?" she asked in a joking fashion, "Dr. Cullen how many women's necklaces have you latched?"

He laughed and draped the piece of jewelry across her chest, carefully eyeing the clip in the back. "None."

Esme smiled to herself, knowing he wasn't at all lying. The feel of his knuckles as they brushed her neck in his pursuit of getting her necklace on securely made her shoulders shrug in just the tiniest bout of pleasure.

She looked up to see his intense squint as he finally got the piece in place. When he lifted his eyes to the mirror, he felt a rush of butterflies in his stomach.

Esme looked absolutely stunning, and her radiant smile made him feel complete.

"You like it?" he asked again.

She fiddled with the charm and then released it so it laid flat against her skin, "It's beautiful." Her eyes met his in the mirror, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said softly.

Esme noticed his hands were both still placed lightly on her shoulders and she covered one of them with her own. When she saw Carlisle's eyes close for a brief moment she brought his palm to her lips, tracing light kisses all the way out to his thumb.

Carlisle's eyes opened, and he saw that now Esme's were closed as she continued her sensual gesture that left him yearning for more of her touch. His lips found their way to the area just below her earlobe and his free hand slipped to the lowest part of her stomach.

She breathed him in, taking in several deep inhales of his scent and felt her body tremble as he continued to trail kisses along her neck.

Carlisle pulled her as tightly against him as he could, draping the hand she released from her lips against her upper abdomen, just below her breasts.

Esme had never felt so driven for a man before in her life. She felt waves of anxious pleasure swarm through her body and had a lingering feeling that Carlisle might escalate their intimacy.

_The house is empty. Edward won't be back for hours. It's Christmas. Everything feels... right._ She then began to contemplate the real possibility of actually making love to Carlisle that night. _With Charles it was awful... painful at times. I didn't have any desire for Charles, though. Carlisle is so gentle, how can I even remotely compare this experience to that monster Charles? Carlisle truly loves me. I love him. He would never hurt me. My body is unbreakable now. Wait, my body... what would he think of my body? _

Insecurities plagued Esme's mind, but her desire to be with him overtook her negative thoughts and worries as she felt his hand slide over the top of her dress, exposing the top of her shoulder. She arched her neck back just slightly as his lips moved from her neck to her shoulder. She almost said his name out loud, but new she would be heavily embarrassed if she did later.

Carlisle told himself to stop, but he didn't want to listen. He couldn't compare the act of hunting with the art of making love. Sure, he had managed centuries without drinking human blood. It was a temptation he had overcome. The temptations for Esme were vastly different, or so he was trying to tell himself.

Esme knew that one more swipe of his hand could bare most of her upper body to him. The thought both made her nervous, and left her craving him, silently begging his hand to push the top of her dress down to progress the situation.

She knew he was in control, and she was fully prepared and passionately thrilled to allow him to make the next move. She just didn't know what that would be.


	23. Chapter 23

Carlisle was snapped out of his love-struck daze at the sound of a door opening and closing. The sound didn't quite have the same effect on Esme. Her eyes remained closed for a moment as Carlisle separated himself from her.

He bowed his head and forced his thoughts in a different direction, knowing it was Edward who had come back to the house so shortly after leaving to hunt.

"Carlisle..." he rushed in through the open door to Esme's room and Carlisle faced the window for a moment, attempting to compose himself upon getting completely caught up in the moment with Esme.

Edward was able to look past the thoughts that radiated out of each of them to make them aware that someone, a human, was about to pull up the driveway.

"Someone's here. The guy is pulling up the driveway. He's lost," he explained, "Gosh, they really picked the wrong house to mix up with another."

Esme's eyes widened, and she finally managed to get the last thirty second out of her mind. She looked at Edward first and then abruptly turned to Carlisle, who was now looking in Edward's direction.

"I can handle it," Edward told his father, looking him directly in the eye. "I know what they were thinking already. They weren't sure if this was the long driveway they were looking for or the one that they just passed."

Carlisle began to shake his head, but Edward approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine Carlisle. I went into town to get Christmas gifts. There were no issues... none." He paused, "They're meeting some family for Christmas. I'll steer them in the right direction."

He nodded confidently and looked to Esme, taking her hand gently in his. "Come on," he urged, "Come with me. We'll hunt."

She nodded, ashamed that she could not control herself around humans, and how openly the two of them acknowledged it.

_No that I deserve it_, she thought, reminiscing on the man she had recently killed.

Carlisle pulled her with him down the hall toward the back door, and looked back at Edward for a moment.

"I'm sure, Carlisle," Edward told him, "It's fine. I'll simply tell them they have the wrong house."

Esme closed her eyes and held her breath.

Carlisle immediately recognized the level of discomfort she was facing and made eye contact with Edward a final time before escorting her through the back door.

She wanted to tell him that she was okay, and that she could handle it. A part of her truly believed it, but there was a bigger part of her that remembered the sweet sensation of the human blood she had recently tasted. Simultaneously, she remembered the shame, and the guilt and everything that went with it.

"Want a ride?" Carlisle asked. He smiled, attempting to lighten the mood.

Esme's eyes looked up to his. Her thoughts were swirling in different directions, but she managed a nod before he shifted her onto his back and took off into the night.

It wasn't long before the pond where they often went to be alone came into view, and he stopped, gently letting her feet back on the ground.

"I can't wait until I can harness this," Esme said, shaking her head, "I want to be like you and Edward."

Carlisle smiled and looked around the area, "You will."

She glanced down toward, fiddling with the damp grass beneath her shoes.

"Hey," he said lightly, tilting her chin up gently with his fingers. "You will."

Esme sighed, and decided to put the lost human out of her mind.

_Nothing bad happened. We'll go back to the house in a few minutes and continue with... Christmas. No one got hurt. Everyone is fine._

The two of them stood in silence for a moment, standing several feet apart from one another.

Esme touched her neck where Carlisle had kissed her. The events of the last half hour had moved so rapidly that she didn't have time to take each one in. She glanced in his direction and picked up on his casual posture. His hands were in his pockets, and he stared out at the small body of water before them.

A light fog lifted from the pond, and depending on the person's view point it could have been eerie or beautiful.

Carlisle wasn't sure what to say. He had all the faith in the world in Edward, though he wondered what was going on at the house. He decided that they would return after another ten minutes or so just to be sure that the humans were far enough away to avoid all possibilities of setting off Esme. He also began to wonder what would have happened between he and Esme if Edward hadn't returned to the house so quickly.

"We'll stay here for another few minutes and then head back," Carlisle told her.

"Okay." She followed his gaze again out toward the water.

The two of them stood silently for the next several minutes, heightening Esme's anxiety. She didn't know if he was disappointed in her lack of control, or if the person's accidental arrival to their home triggered her slip-up and it was effecting him. She didn't know if he was thinking about their encounter in her bedroom, as she now was.

Esme slipped her hand over her necklace and pulled the charm away from her chest just slightly.

Carlisle looked over at her, and then immediately linked up his hand with hers. He then pulled her into a hug, nesting her body firmly against his.

She felt a sense of relief with the sensual gesture and melted into his warmth.

He rested his chin on the top of her head and the two of them stood there together under the cover of darkness.

Carlisle sighed. He had bought Esme another gift that he had contemplated giving her for Christmas. Edward had been aware of it, he was sure, but he hadn't said anything or asked any questions.

More than a month before, Carlisle had purchased a ring to present to Esme. He had been waiting until her thirst was under control, but he had ultimately decided that it didn't matter when that occurred. A wedding could wait, but letting her know that he wanted her to be his forever could not. The ring he had purchased for her signified that.

The real reason Carlisle hadn't given Esme the ring for Christmas was because he wanted to do it on a random day; a time when the two of them were carrying on like normal and he could have a moment alone to make his proposal.

Christmas was a special day for a number of reasons, and he wanted to create a separate day that would be special just for them.

_Esme deserves her own day_, he thought.

There was another side of him that was nervous. Inside he knew she would say yes, or hoped she would anyway. However, the thought of ruining what they already have by the small chance she would say no added to the delay.

_She might not be ready. _His thoughts drifted to the details she had shared with him about the human marriage she ran away from. _Maybe she is just happy how things are._

Carlisle went back and forth in his mind for a moment before he decided that he knew he had to try. He would have done it that night. He'd kept the ring in a box on one of the bookshelves in his office, and it was simply a matter of retrieving it and getting down on one knee.

Still, he wanted to give Esme a day of her own, and another week or so to manage up a little added courage was something he felt would be beneficial.

"What are you thinking about?" Esme asked him, suddenly breaking his thoughts.

Carlisle glanced down, meeting her golden eyes. A smile took over his face. "You."

"What about me?" She began to smile, though a nervousness accompanied her grin.

"Just how much better my life is with you," he told her, "I love you."

Esme's body relaxed just slightly as he spoke the words to her. "I love you, too."

"Do you want to start heading back?"

She nodded, knowing Edward must have been waiting for them.

Carlisle smiled, "Want a ride?"

Esme let out a short laugh and nodded before hopping on his back. The two of them decided not to talk about Esme's thirst, or the stranger that appeared at their door, or the encounter between the two of them that had been cut drastically short.

They each decided in their own way to enjoy the remainder of Christmas and the holiday season as a family.


	24. Chapter 24

New Years had come and gone with as much joy as Christmas. The family dynamic that existed between Carlisle, Esme and Edward was as strong as any.

Edward happily returned to his daily studies, eager to finish out his "senior year" of high school before finally taking on college level courses. Esme continued her practice of self-control around humans, and as the next three to four weeks progressed, both she and Carlisle were content with her progress.

She had been itching to go back into society, and walking down the street hand in hand with Carlisle was something she daydreamed about on a regular basis. She wanted everyone to see them together. She wanted to know inside that she could do it; that she could be "human".

Carlisle was struggling with his proposal ideas. He had become so anxious about it that Edward had begun to have little calming talks with him on the days his thoughts were far more radical than normal.

Esme, too, picked up on his uptight behavior but was having trouble contemplating why Carlisle was acting different. Edward had had to reassure her several times that his father wasn't mad, or being short on his interaction with her on several occasions though it all revolved the proposal.

Edward often found amusement in the situation, thinking to himself,_ if she only knew..._

Carlisle stood by the bookcase in his office with the door closed staring at the ring he had gotten for Esme. He wanted to do it at that second and could tell from the creaks on the floor and her footsteps that Esme was overly anxious that night.

He hadn't been out of his office in over an hour, and had claimed he had things to do for work. What Carlisle was really doing was gaining the courage to go through with his plans that evening. While he had contemplated many options over several months of thinking, he still wasn't sure what to do or which plan to go with.

Standing there alone, he told himself to be simple and honest and do what would probably mean the most to both of them.

Carlisle's eyes drifted out through the window and caught a steady snowfall that decorated the ground. He tried to distract himself with the beautiful night that nature had left them with, but he knew it was just a stall tactic.

A light knock on the door broke his thoughts and he felt his whole body tense up.

"It's Edward."

Carlisle felt relief pass through him and he swallowed hard, "Come in."

Edward entered through the door, shutting it carefully behind him. With the emergence of new air, Carlisle picked up on the scent of burning wood.

Rather than speak, Edward found a pen and paper on the desk and began to write. Carlisle looked down and read the message as he finished the final pen strokes.

_I'm leaving to go to the library. House is yours. I lit a fire. I hope to return to your new engagement._

Carlisle looked up at his son, realizing he was, in some ways, leaving him with no other option.

"It's time," Edward said lightly. He had been so involved in Carlisle's overwhelming thoughts that he finally took it upon himself to approach him with some honest encouragement.

Before he could respond, Edward had left the house and Carlisle was left with a brand new feeling of anxiousness. There was no one in the house but he and Esme, and in his hand was an elegant white gold ring.

He glanced out the window again toward the developing winter wonderland and inhaled deeply.

Again, he heard Esme stir from her room that was just a few doors down. He assumed she was experiencing her own level of anxiety from his lack of communication and contact as of late. He hoped the question he was about to ask her would wipe out that feeling completely.

Carlisle took a deep breath and clicked open the door to his office. The house was quiet, aside from an occasional pop from the fireplace and the sound of Esme readjusting in her room. He could hear that she had just turned a page in one of the books he'd given her, though was sure it was just to pass the time as she waited for him.

_Don't be so egotistical_, he told himself. _She could be at a dramatic part in the plot._

Carlisle took his steps carefully down the hall toward her room, and when he stood in the frame of the doorway the two of them locked eyes.

Esme glanced up from the book she was reading and gave him a small smile.

"I'm, uh, I think I've had enough work for one night," he said, attempting a laugh.

"I can't imagine all the paperwork and studying that goes along with being a doctor," she said honestly, shaking her head, "I think it's amazing that you're able to care for people the way you do, Carlisle. Especially if there's blood involved."

"There's no other profession out there as rewarding for me. I love practicing medicine. I love helping people."

Esme smiled, loving the facial expressions and posture she picked up on when he spoke of being a doctor, "I know."

Carlisle looked down and smiled shyly, and then returned his gaze to hers.

"I see Edward started a fire," she pointed out. "Where did he go?"

"The library," Carlisle informed her, "He just stuck his head while I was in the office."

Esme nodded and looked around the empty room.

Carlisle entered her room completely, and bent down, placing a kiss on her lips.

Esme's hand drifted to the side of his face, and she smiled as he eventually broke away.

"Come down the hall with me," he stated, making it sound like more like a question.

"Sure." She continued to smile and took his hand.

Carlisle interlocked his fingers with hers and felt like each step took an hour to take. The walk that took all of five seconds left his mind with a thousand new questions and scenarios, as he rounded them into the living room.

Esme snickered and he looked over at her. "I think Edward was trying to send a message here." She laughed lightly again and looked around the darkened room, illuminated only by the dancing flames in the fireplace.

Carlisle laughed with her, but he couldn't quite find the humor in it the way she did because of how nervous he was. He slipped a hand into the pocket of his pants, feeling the ring before turning to Esme.

He took a deep breath that he couldn't hide and looked at her, "I'd like to... talk to you about something."

Esme's happy-go-lucky expression changed to one that was far more serious. "Okay."

Carlisle escorted her to a chair that sat closest to the fire. He stood in front of her with both hands in his pockets.

"Is everything still... okay?" she asked him.

He regretted making her worry the way she was, but he couldn't help the situation because he was anxious, himself. Carlisle nodded. "Yeah. Yes, everything is okay."

"Alright." She left out a sighing breath and eyed the fire, and then looked at him.

"Esme," he said, "I haven't been..." he struggled for the right word, "...captivated by someone in almost three hundred years. There hasn't been one woman who has gained my interest even remotely." Carlisle looked around and then back to her, "You've completely changed me... for the better. I feel more alive now than I ever have and honestly, I don't know what I would do without you in my life now. Now that I know what it's like to keep your company..." He shook his head.

Esme smiled and swallowed hard, "I feel that way too."

"Good." He nodded and looked around, feeling completely unprepared despite the number of hours he'd spent thinking of the moment that was currently in progress.

Esme waited for him to continue, wondering what was next. She knew he was about to say something else, but she wasn't wholly sure what it was. The thought of him asking her to marry him crossed her mind, but she dismissed just as quickly, not wanting to get her hopes up.

Carlisle knew he had created an awkwardly long pause, and so he decided to do what he intended to anyway. "Esme..."

"Yes?"

He felt his hand shaking as he continued to fiddle with the small piece of jewelry in his pocket. Without another thought, he got down onto one knee so he was less than a foot in front of her. He then pulled out the ring and looked directly at her.

"I love you," he said, seeing the smile and radiating happiness pouring from her expression as her hands covered all of her face but her eyes, "And, I guess what I'm asking is... will you... will you marry me?"


	25. Chapter 25

"Yes!" Esme couldn't speak another word. "Yes, Carlisle! Yes, I'll marry you!"

She erupted from the chair and threw her arms around him before he even had time to slip the ring on her finger.

Carlisle melted against her, feeling all of the anxiety he had been feeling for weeks die down with her confirmation. He tightened his arms around her as she brought her lips to his.

He felt a decompressing laugh escape his throat and Esme pulled back, smiling at him.

"You really want to marry me?" she asked.

"I _really_ want to marry you, Esme."

Esme brought her lips back to his and Carlisle eventually took her hand in his, slipping the ring across her third finger on her left hand. He lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"I love you," he said, "I can't live you without you."

_Is this really happening?_ Esme thought, as her wildest and most complete dreams came full circle and complete right in front of her. _Dr. Cullen just proposed to me. We're going to get married._

She smiled to herself as she referred to him as Dr. Cullen in her mind. That was, after all, who she knew him as first before finding true love in Carlisle.

Esme would have cried if it were possible. She didn't sob the way she had dryly when she had been stricken with grief, but the emotion overwhelmed her to the point of having no words to speak. She stood there in front of the fireplace with her arms around him, engraining everything about the moment in her mind.

"I love you so much, Carlisle," she finally spoke, letting her words muffle slightly into his collar.

He ran a hand up and down her back and couldn't keep an honest smile from his face. Carlisle had never contemplated the possibility of having a "mate" in his life until he saw her for the first time. The Volturi members all had wives, so to speak, but they didn't interact the way couples in love acted.

Carlisle thought about others he knew, Amun and Kebi, vampire pair from Egypt whom he had gotten to know on his travels. Siobhan and Liam were another couple who's bond was far more human-like in nature than the Volturi members.

At the end of the day, however, Carlisle didn't care about any of the other couples, or the way they interacted. He and Esme were their own, and whether they were alike or completely different than their immortal counterparts, it didn't matter.

She was happy. He was happy. What else was there?

Esme couldn't keep herself from kissing him. She felt so attached to him in every way, and all she could do was smile, giggle and engulf him with a countless number of little, sensual touches.

When the immediate rush of his proposal died down, she looked at him with a big smile. "We have to tell Edward."

Carlisle agreed with a nod. "I think he's got an idea."

She kissed him again. "When can we get married? Let's do it... tomorrow." Esme giggled at her own words, knowing that was virtually impossible.

Carlisle laughed, too, catching a number of different emotions that pulled at him in so many ways. "Let's get to that walk first," he said with a grin.

"The walk down the isle?" she teased.

He snickered and looked down, never removing his arms from the loving nature of how they were placed around her body. "Well, that..." he said without letting his smile fade, "But I was thinking the one about town first."

"So I don't slip up and... eat the priest?" Esme asked, finally finding a small bout of humor in the darker nature of their inner animal.

Carlisle laughed out loud and Esme kissed him again.

"What about tonight?" she asked, "The walk... " Her eyes drifted out the window toward the storm that continued to brew wildly. "I can't imagine there will be many people out in this weather tonight."

"You want to go into town tonight?"

Esme looked him in the eye, finally feeling confident with herself. Her eyes drifted down toward her hand and she admired he ring he had picked out for her, temporarily distracting her from the conversation at hand.

_He asked me to marry him_, she thought again, outwardly gushing with radiant happiness.

Carlisle smiled and saw the return of confidence return to Esme's body. "I have faith in you."

Esme's arms were locked loosely around the back of his neck and she kept her face an inch away from his. "Thank you."

He sighed, "You want to try?"

The reality was that Esme wanted to stay locked away with him in their house in the middle of the woods. Edward wasn't home; the snowstorm had turned into blizzard-like conditions, a fire was burning in the fireplace and Carlisle had just proposed to her. On the other hand, she knew despite the perfect nature of their surroundings, neither of them would fully take advantage of it in the way they both wanted to.

The next best thing Esme could think of was making a realistic move at her goal. Not only would she prove to herself and to Carlisle that she had overcome the monster, but she would also be one step closer to making their marriage official.

"I'd rather stay here with you," she told him with a smile, glancing toward the fireplace, "But I don't want to... strip you of your values."

Carlisle laughed lightly again and looked down, and then back up. "I suppose another few weeks, or a month won't be too hard to wait."

"Speak for yourself." She began to laugh and closed her eyes as he kissed her again.

He then looked at her with a far more serious expression. "Do you want to go for that walk?"

Esme looked into his eyes and then nodded. "Yes."

"If you feel like we need to come home, don't be ashamed to tell me."

"I won't." She shook her head.

Esme had thought of her more recent weeks. She hadn't come close to a slip-up. The craving for human blood was something she had managed to push out of her mind. While there were times here and there that she relished in the memory of what it tasted like, she managed to get over the craving and get back to neutral.

She looked at him with a smile, and contemplated taking back her wish to leave because she so desperately wanted to be alone with him in the house.

"What?" he asked, seeing her hesitation to proceed with her request.

Esme looked at him again, and took note to the possessive nature his hands took of her waist. "Nothing." She shook her head.

"If you'd rather go out some other time-"

"No, I'm ready now..." She sighed and decided to be honest. "I just am having a hard time leaving the house because..." Her voice trailed off and she looked around the area. "Just being alone in this position with you..."

Carlisle smirked and tilted her chin up so her eyes met his. "We do have eternity, you know." He looked around, finding the surrounding tempting himself, though he was having far less trouble controlling himself than in the recent weeks, "There will be plenty of... opportunities in the near future."

Esme smiled and nodded. _Eternity. Wow! After we get married we'll have eternity to be husband and wife. Eternity... that's a very long time to be with the man you love_.

"You're right." She looked down at the ring again, and the kissed Carlisle another time. "I love you. You have no idea what you saved me from, Carlisle."

He put a hand on the side of her face and then brushed some of her hair behind her ear, "I love you. I promise I'll take care of you forever, Esme."


	26. Chapter 26

Snow blanketed the ground, and the typically busy streets were more like a ghost town. There wasn't a soul in sight, though lights were on in almost every little house, and the occasional shop where the owner was brave enough to work a few extra hours during the storm.

While people weren't walking through town, they were close enough to give Esme the test that she had longed to pass since emerging into the immortal world.

Carlisle held her hand securely and the two of them attempted to look as if the cold was affecting them.

"Pretend to be cold," he whispered, giving her a kiss on the cheek as they walked.

Esme laughed and cuddled up against him. She glanced down at the ring on her finger again, unable to come to terms with the reality of what had just happened.

_Is this really happening?_ she wondered. _How, in any way, do I deserve this?_

Carlisle pulled the collar of his jacket up around his neck and switched his position so his arm was around Esme's shoulders. He wanted to ask how she was feeling in regards to being so close to human blood, but if she wasn't acknowledging it thus far, he didn't want to cause her mind to drift to the thirst.

Esme looked around, smiling to herself as she pictured the families that were behind the doors and windows of the homes on the street that they walked on. She imaged children being tucked into bed after being told an age old bedtime story; wives making tea for themselves and their husbands; couples sitting closely by the fireplace...

Stacks of smoke rose into the frigid air from every house, and Esme took in a deep breath. As much as she loved the smell of burning wood in the winter, there was another scent that caught her attention, and Carlisle immediately picked up on it.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Esme took a moment and then nodded. "Yes." Her mind drifted to the human beings, the families and the images of the innocent people in the homes around her that she had just created in her mind. "I'm fine."

"Let me know." He purposely traced his thumb over the ring he had just given her.

Esme looked up at him and Carlisle immediately pressed his lips against hers.

"I can't wait for you to be my wife, Esme."

She felt overwhelmed in the best way whenever he said those types of things to her.

"Even though I've-" she began.

"Nothing could make me stop loving you," Carlisle cut her off.

Esme sighed and accepted another kiss, recognizing that snow created a type of blind that surrounded them. She felt as if they were in their own world where no one could see them, or find them even if they wanted to.

She could have stayed just like that forever, in the midst of a blizzard on an empty street kissing Carlisle beneath a dull street lamp. To her, it was perfection.

"Hey!" a voice called from somewhere in the distance interrupting the moment for both of them.

Carlisle turned and positioned himself in front of Esme, for both her protection and the human's.

A short, stocky man with a moustache stood outside small coffee shop and squinted through the snow. He waved his hand at the two of them. "Come here!" he called, apparently thinking they were caught in the storm, "Please, come inside."

Carlisle suddenly felt alarmed. Esme hadn't had contact with anyone, though she seemed far more sure of herself than he did.

_We have to blend in_, Esme thought, _and this is why we came here. This man's life is not in danger._ She felt confident, and completely in control of herself. She knew this was a step she needed to take. The risk of being around humans was already breached by being in the town. Being in the company of a human was the whole point of coming out.

She looked at him, and her eyes begged him to trust her.

Carlisle couldn't hide the anxiety in his features and posture, but knew they had to do something.

"Come inside," the man called again, putting his hand up to his eyes as if he was squinting into the sun.

Esme lead the way, holding her breath for the first few steps as she grabbed Carlisle's hand.

He followed with some reluctance, but told himself that Esme needed his support; she needed his trust.

_This is why we came_, he reminded himself.

"Get out of the storm," the man called to them, as they approached, pretending to be chilled by the storm.

"Thank you," Esme spoke, leaving Carlisle feeling all the more anxious. He knew she couldn't be holding her breath if she was speaking.

The stranger nodded and hurried them inside, before shutting the door behind them.

"I got stuck here," he replied, "But there's plenty of coffee."

Carlisle nodded, "Thank you."

"My name's Henry." He extended a hand and his chubby, red cheeks lifted as he smiled from behind the hefty moustache.

"I'm Carlisle. This is my... fiancé Esme."

She was slightly stiff, but managed a smile. It was bright and true, as she confirmed his words with a nod.

"Oh my, well, congratulations." Henry grinned and looked around the empty place, "What in the heck were you two doing outside?"

Esme looked to Carlisle, who didn't miss a beat, "We had decided to go for a walk and the storm just really took off." He shrugged.

Henry looked at both of them, and Esme gave a shudder in case he was finding their behavior odd. "It is cold out there."

"Let me fix you a cup of coffee," the small business owner offered.

Carlisle looked at Esme, knowing that she hadn't at all tried human food since he had changed her. At a later time, or if it was just the two of them and Edward, he might have gotten a kick out of her potential reaction. Now, it only added to his nervousness.

Henry smiled as Esme thanked him and turned his back to get the supplied he needed.

"Are you okay?" Carlisle whispered in a voice so low that no human would have heard him unless they were standing an inch away.

Esme gave a small smile and nodded, and then returned her attention to Henry.

_I'm doing fine_, she told herself. _This man is too kind to even focus on the smell of his blood._

The overbearing smell of coffee beans helped just minutely, and Esme managed to put her effort into focusing on that scent. It was something once made her mouth water, though now was just a neutral smell like fresh cut grass, or the burning wood that still lingered in the world outside. It was pleasant and comforting in some ways, but mouthwatering was far from an accurate description in Esme's mind.

Carlisle removed a his wallet from the pocket of his pants and took out some money. Almost right away Henry saw his gesture and denied the payment.

"No, no," he said, "Please, I won't take your money; not tonight."

"We can't-" Carlisle began, but Henry was removing holding his hands up and gently pushed Carlisle's hands back.

"I won't accept anything," he said again, "My gosh your hands are freezing, sir."

Esme looked to Carlisle, but felt relief after a quick moment of panic knowing that this was a time that it was fitting for their skin to be abnormally cold.

"I'm fine," Carlisle assured him.

Henry looked to Esme, "I'd better get this hot cup of Joe to each of you now." He laughed, and shook his head, "What were you blinded by love that made you think you were immune to this storm out here?"

Esme laughed and decided to go with the story Carlisle had given, "It was my idea," she told him, "I thought it would be romantic. Especially because no one else was out and about."

Carlisle looked over to her, smiling genuinely wide for the first time. He was proud of Esme, and could see she was having a far easier time than he had imagined while speaking with Henry, especially being contained indoors. Still, he wished he had Edward there to read her mind for reassurance.

"I suppose that's not a bad notion." He grinned again and handed Esme the first cup of brewed coffee, and then showed her his own wedding ring, "We were newlyweds once, so I understand, but that was far before the two of you were even born."

_Far before me_, Esme thought, _but Carlisle has you beat by a few years._ She grinned at the thought.

"How long have you been married?" she asked.

"Twenty-two years," he explained, "Happy for each one of them. We've wanted to tear each other's hair out at times," he laughed, "But I'll tell you one thing, I can't live without her."

Esme felt warmth from the man's words, seeing he had established a wonderful connection. He was a good, honest man. She could see why whoever his wife was had married him.

"Congratulations," she said, "That's a long time."

Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"Yeah," Henry agreed with a nod, "We've had some great years." His eyes drifted out the window into the storm, and then he refocused and poured Carlisle a cup of coffee.

Esme took a sip, and was shocked by how repulsed she was at the taste or something she used to enjoy as a treat several times per week. She fought every urge back to make a face of displeasure, but managed to do so and finished the first sip.

Henry hadn't at all noticed, but Carlisle smirked behind his first sip, one he took easily and again, without missing a beat.

"This is great, Henry," he told the man, "Thank you, again, for helping us."

"You're very welcome, sir." He nodded.

Esme shared a quick smile with Carlisle, and the two of them rode out the rest of the storm in the small coffee shop with Henry.


	27. Chapter 27

Esme couldn't help her enthusiasm. She laughed and even shouted with joy as she and Carlisle finally returned home to find Edward there smiling as he read the paper by the fire that was still burning.

"Hmm..." he said, looking up only briefly, "What are you so happy about? I heard you coming for miles, Esme."

Esme laughed and rushed to give him a hug, and then kissed his cheek and even messed up his hair in a more sisterly way than anything. "Edward! I suspect you already know. What am I saying, of course you already know!"

Edward laughed, unable to keep a straight face upon Esme's elated behavior.

At that moment, Carlisle fully acknowledged the impact that Esme had on Edward's life. He was happier, he smiled more and the two of them even shared some inside jokes. They had long talks, and shared personal things with one another. Esme filled a far different void in Edward's life than in his own, but she still had a major impact on his life.

"Congratulations," Edward said, hugging Esme, while making eye contact with Carlisle. He still wore a smile on his face.

"Thank you," the two of them said at the same time.

Esme couldn't help but show Edward the ring that Carlisle had given her. "And guess what else?" she asked, putting her hands together.

"You managed not to slaughter the small coffee house owner?" Edward asked.

She put her hand on her hip and stood in front of him with a grin.

"I'm sorry," he laughed, "I should have pretended I couldn't read your thoughts. I spoiled the good news."

"You didn't spoil anything," Esme argued, waving a hand in his direction.

Edward rose from where he stood and held a hand out toward Carlisle, "Congratulations."

"Thank you." Carlisle smiled and returned the gesture.

"I'm really happy for the two of you."

Esme leaned into Carlisle and smiled wide, and then looked up at him.

"Esme," Edward went on, "I can't describe how much of an impact you've had on Carlisle. I can't even fathom the time he's spent on this earth, but from what I know from the time we've spent together you're the only person who had been able to keep him from working or studying all day, every day." He grinned, purposely over exaggerating.

"So, you're saying I'm a distraction?" she teased.

Carlisle looked at her, and quickly realized she was kidding right along with Edward. He snickered lightly.

"A welcomed distraction, I'd suspect," Edward told her with a smile, "But if anyone is deserving of a love as true as yours, Esme, it's Carlisle."

Both of them were touched at Edward's words. Esme hugged him again and Carlisle gave him a simple nod, knowing his son could read the gratitude in his thoughts.

"I'm really glad to hear about your success in town, Esme," Edward continued, touching back upon her second bout of good news, "You managed to break into society successfully long before I did."

She didn't know if he was being serious, or just trying to make her feel even better, but either way she could see how much he cared about her.

"Thank you, Edward."

He grinned again and nodded, "I suppose I can be your witness whenever it is you exchange your vows."

"We haven't discussed the date yet," Carlisle said, looking at Esme.

Edward snickered when Esme's first thought was, _How about right now?_

She looked at him and then smiled shyly before letting out a little laugh of her own.

"Sorry," he said with another grin.

"It's alright." Esme sighed happily and looked at Carlisle, "I'd marry you tomorrow if it were possible."

Carlisle smiled wide, and looked outside into the midnight snow storm, "I don't think we'll be getting a hold of anyone tonight, but first thing in the morning I'll start looking to make some arrangements."

"Start thinking of some honeymoon locations," Edward told them. He stood up and put his hand lightly on Esme's shoulder, "I'll give the two of you some time to yourselves. I'm just going up to my room to read and complete an assignment for school I've been putting off."

Before Esme could respond, he had whipped away and the door upstairs shut lightly.

"He's right," Carlisle agreed with a grin. He pulled Esme onto his lap in front of the fire and kissed her. "Where would you like to go? I'll take you anywhere."

"Where ever you are," she told him, pulling herself closer to him.

"I've been almost everyone at least once," he said, playing with the strands of hair that hung by her forehead. He tucked a strand behind her ear and kept his hand gently on the side of her face. "I want to go to a place you've always dreamed of going."

Esme wanted to tell him that she dreamed of being with him, and that was all she really dreamed about for ten years. She had never contemplated going to some exotic or foreign place, but now the thought kind of excited her.

"What about Italy?" she asked, "You said you spent a lot of time there."

Carlisle's face straightened up a bit, but he smiled, "Is it alright if I say any place except for Italy?"

Esme smiled at him and had remembered a few concerns he shared with her about the coven that lived there. She nodded, "Yes. That would be alright. There are plenty of other places we can go."

He brought his lips back to hers and the two of them kissed intimately for a moment before Carlisle pulled away to attempt to hold his breath.

"Sorry," Esme said to him with a laugh.

He smiled again and shrugged, pulling her more snugly against him. "Where else?"

"I've heard people speak about the Eiffel Tower."

"Paris..."

"Yeah." She grinned again.

"Do you want to start there?"

Esme shrugged, "Sure. I'll be happy anywhere we go, Carlisle."

"Maybe we can sneak away up into the mountains in Europe. I haven't been to England in... a very long time. I could show you the town I lived in as a human. I imagine it must be far different now."

"That sounds great," she told him.

Carlisle grinned and the two of them shared another long kiss. "I can't wait."

"Me either."


	28. Chapter 28

Carlisle began to pack a bag, though looked at Esme with a grin. "I've got some good news, and some bad news."

The small amount of alarm in her expression made him grin, though he felt a little bad all the same.

"Okay," she said, hesitating just slightly.

"Which would you like me to tell you first?" he asked.

Esme sighed, "I suppose the bad news..."

He pulled her to him and kissed her firmly, making her melt. Carlisle, too, could feel his will power slipping away each time they kissed with the type passion he had initiated.

"The bad news is..." he breathed out the words in between the gentle lapses of his tongue, "I'm going to have to go away for a few days."

Esme pulled away from him just slightly to get the whole story. "Why?"

Carlisle snickered and traced her cheek with his hand lightly, "It's a surprise."

"A surprise?" she grinned, feeling giddy from the mild suspense.

He nodded, "I'll give you a hint, it's related to our honeymoon."

"Okay," Esme responded, now smiling wide. She locked her fingers around the back of his neck, "I suppose that's not horrible news, even though I'd rather you stay."

Carlisle smirked and dropped his hands so they rested on her lower back, "I believe the space will be good so I don't attempt to break any more rules before we get married."

"Like...?" she asked, knowing he wouldn't formally answer.

He laughed and dodged the question, looking down for a moment before his eyes met hers. "Want to hear the good news?"

Esme nodded.

"I've managed to set the date for the two of us to be married."

Her face dropped with excitement, and her mouth hung open. "Really?"

Carlisle nodded, "Yes."

"Really?" she asked again with a laugh.

"At that place a couple of towns over that you liked," he explained, "The one with the stone walkway."

Esme put her hand over her mouth and felt like crying. She wished she could, but the tears never came. "Carlisle..."

"Is that okay?"

"Yes. Yes, that's more than okay."

He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-grin.

"When is the date?"

"Two Saturdays from now."

Esme raised her eyebrows, both pleased and anxious by the close nature of the date.

"Is that alright?" Carlisle picked up on the shock in her facial expression.

"Yes," she said, now laughing with joy, "Yes, of course."

"Are you sure?"

Esme nodded again and crashed her lips back against his. "I want you forever, Carlisle."

He didn't respond, and simply kissed her again.

"I wish you didn't have to leave," she told him.

Carlisle kept his eyes shut and his lips next to hers, "It'll be beneficial later. I promise."

Esme kissed him more forcefully than she ever had prior to that moment, causing a number of reactions from Carlisle.

"Esm-" he began, but she continued to pursue his mouth with her own.

Carlisle couldn't bring himself to stop. He felt no real need to, except for the morals that he still clung to and for Esme's sake.

"I want you, Carlisle." She pulled herself away from him just slightly, and only for a moment, "Edward isn't here. He won't be here for awhile. He's purposely giving us a little space."

"I know," he acknowledged she was right and shuddered from every, little touch of her hands against him.

"We have our own set of rules, right?" she asked. Esme was taken off-guard by her own confidence and assertiveness. She would have never done something like this in her human life.

"That's... right." Carlisle swallowed hard and felt one of his hands graze a tie on the back of her dress, though he didn't act on the impulse that begged him to loosen it.

One of Esme's hands lingered by his belt, though she consciously made herself refrain from every feeling that made her body ache for him.

"Maybe Edward leaves because of our thoughts," Carlisle said, separating himself from her with a laugh.

Esme felt a rush of disappointment as he parted from her, but realized it wouldn't be long before the two of them would be a married couple. She knew it was the right way to do things, but her desire for him blinded her of all reason in the times that they were left alone at the house.

"Maybe..." she responded, smiling back. "I fell terrible that he has to know those things; how I feel for you..."

Carlisle sighed and placed a hand on her face again. "After the next two weeks we'll have forever," he reminded her.

Esme sighed again, feeling more flustered than ever before. She nodded and smiled. "I still don't want you to go."

He laughed.

"I know how selfish that is, but I love being around you, Carlisle. I mean, this is all very new to me."

Carlisle wanted to kiss her, but he refrained. "This is all very new to me, also, Esme. I never even got a real hug from a woman, aside from the occasional polite gesture from someone I held a door for, or a thankful patient."

Esme looked at him and sighed.

He grinned again, "And as I've stated, no one has ever captivated me the way you do, so I must admit that all of this is a bit overwhelming for me... in a good way," he explained, "Or a great way, I should say."

"I've told you how terrible my first marriage was, and how I felt about you since the first time I saw you," she told him, "I've never had these feelings for anyone else but you. I think they started off as a crush, but now they've just developed into something so deep that I can't describe it to you accurately. I can't really put the way I feel into words, Carlisle."

"I think I know," he told her, kissing her forehead gently.

Esme wrapped herself in him and the two of them shared a long hug before he finally pulled back. "I have to be going," he told her, "But I'll only be a few days."

"A few days..." She smiled and gave him a disappointed look.

"It's for a greater good," he explained again, "It has to do with our honeymoon."

Esme knew she would spend a lot of the next few days imagining marrying Carlisle, and certainly thinking of the honeymoon and all of the excited anxieties that would go with taking the next step in their relationship.

"Okay," she said quietly.

Carlisle tilted her face toward his and kissed her a few times in a row. "Will you be okay until Edward gets back?"

Esme nodded.

He sighed, recognizing that he didn't want to leave her either. "It'll only be a few days." The reminder was projected to Esme, but he was actually telling himself just the same.

"I know."

The two of them shared a look that showed the same emotions. They did not want to be apart from one another, and the thought of going to Europe alone suddenly made Carlisle feel even more anxious.

"I can't wait until you get back," she whispered to him.

"It'll only be a few days," he said again, "And then it'll be a few days closer to you becoming my wife."

Esme smiled, and they each found peace in the last sentence. "I can't wait." She kissed him, "Be safe on your trip."


	29. Chapter 29

Esme had sat on the front step for almost an hour after seeing Carlisle round the bend that lead out from the wooded area that surrounded their home. He was well on his way to another country, and the thought of him being an ocean away from her made her feel instantly lonely and sad.

_It's only for a few days_, she reminded herself. _And we all run awfully fast so he must be so far away by now._

Esme looked around the lonesome atmosphere and couldn't shake the melancholy waves of emotion that passed through her. She knew she was being silly, but there was an irrational fear that had built up inside of her at the possibility that she would never see him again.

Thoughts of the Volturi crossed through her mind, and she pictured the vampire tyrannical family that Carlisle had described on several occasions. He hadn't outwardly said it, but she knew that the coven was dangerous, and there was a legitimate reason why he didn't want her to travel to Italy.

_What if they summon him back?_ she thought. _Stop, Esme. _She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair.

The front door was open just slightly and she stood and quickly made her way inside. The emptiness surrounded her, and she felt engulfed in Carlisle's absence. Esme immediately felt selfish for feeling that way, but she couldn't help it. She had gotten so accustomed to having him next to her all day, except for the times he worked, so knowing he was leaving the country made her feel lost.

Esme's eyes traveled back out the window of the world she had just left to retreat to the home she typically found comfort in. Darkness was slowly creeping in, and it added to the feeling. There were no lights; no candles, just darkness.

She contemplated going hunting, but even the monster inside laid dormant. Esme had no desire to do much of anything.

_Stop moping_, she scolded herself in her mind. _It's been an hour. Carlisle works eight hour shifts at the hospital... but he's only a few miles away and Edward could go get him if I needed him._

Esme slumped down into the seat at the kitchen table, and then took it upon herself to light a single candle to keep the darkness from taking over. She glanced down at the ring on her finger and managed a smile, reminding herself that Carlisle was off planning things for their wedding.

"Well it's about time," Edward said, emerging thought the door at full speed.

Esme jumped, completely taken off-guard.

Edward laughed lightly and tossed his books down on the table lazily, "Your thoughts were so loud and constant I could almost hear them in town."

She smiled, shyly at first and then let her grin spread. Edward's presence instantly uplifted her spirits, "I'm sorry."

"It's about time you had a positive thought," he said with another laugh, "Carlisle will be fine. Remember how fast we move, and how indestructible we are?" He waved a hand in her direction.

Esme ran her hands over her face and grinned, "I feel silly."

"Don't," Edward told her, "I just hate hearing how sad you feel."

She stood up and threw her arms around him, now catching Edward off-guard. "You know," she said, "I felt a lot better the second you came home."

He gave her a lopsided grin, "If I knew Carlisle was leaving so soon I would have used it as an excuse to skip my classes today."

Esme snickered and Edward began to laugh.

"I think I wouldn't have minded that," she said, "And that might have been the only secret I would have kept from Carlisle."

Edward hugged Esme again and then joined her at the table.

"So, are we just going to sit her in mourning?" he asked, noting the dark atmosphere that surrounded them.

"It does seem that way, doesn't it?" she recognized.

Esme stood up and illuminated the house with lights of all kinds before starting another fire. When she returned to the original spot where they sat, Edward had laid out a deck of cards. He patted the chair next to him.

"Come on," he said, "Let's play a few rounds, and then we'll hunt."

Esme had never felt more reliant on Edward's presence. She nodded enthusiastically and joined him at the table.

"It's too bad we can't enjoy a nice cup of coffee or something," he commented, dealing the cards to both of them. "After your success story of the small coffee shop I've kind of been thinking of how much I used to enjoy it."

Esme smiled, "If it eases any cravings, I kind of had to force a cup down the other night and it was very difficult not to make a face of displeasure."

Edward laughed lightly again.

"But I think it's more of a comfort thing," she went on, "Having a cup of coffee on a winter night... lighting a fire."

Edward continued to smile as he set up their card game and thought Esme was portraying more motherly qualities every time they spoke. He wished that she had had the ability to be a mother for longer than fate had allowed her in her human life. He also wished that a life of vampirism could lead to a mated couple having the ability to have children of their own.

_I wonder if Esme knows_, he thought to himself.

"What?" she asked, grinning.

"Huh?" Edward asked, pressing his eyebrows together.

"Your expression just completely changed," she pointed out. Her voice got slightly more serious. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, feeling as though it wasn't his part to speak with Esme about the fact that vampires couldn't conceive children. Even if it had been his place, Edward couldn't bare the thought of having the conversation with her, particularly after he managed to bright her spirits a bit in Carlisle's temporary absence.

"Nothing's wrong," he said, grinning again, "I was just thinking of something from class, that's all."

Esme couldn't tell if he was being honest, but didn't push the issue, seeing his demeanor return to normal almost immediately.

"How is class going?" she asked him.

"It's great," he said, "Most days. Some of the stuff I've learned before and can get a little boring, but I plan on enrolling in one of the local colleges soon."

Esme smiled, "I'm happy for you, Edward. And I don't know if it's my place because I haven't mastered anything, but I'm so proud of you that you can go to school and not put anyone in danger. You're a miracle to the immortal world."

"I'm not," he said, shaking his head.

"You are," she disagreed.

"I just... get by."

"No," Esme argued again, "You need to give yourself more credit. What you do is amazing. I now know first had how difficult it is. You're a wonderful person, Edward."

Her motherly speech gave him that same morose feeling that trickled into his body just a moment before. He knew Esme would ultimately be happy, even when she gathered the news of not being able to have children. There would be a period of time, he imagined, that she would feel that wave of disappointment. On top of it all, Edward _knew_ that Esme would be a terrific mother, as close to perfect as they came, and he felt sorrow knowing that she would never be able to shine in that retrospect.

"Thanks," he said, looking down toward the table.

"Carlisle has told me that you're a little hard on yourself," she confessed, "And I think you should give yourself a break."

Edward couldn't argue with her. As much as he disagreed on his own views of himself, she made him feel more worthy of a being with her words. He couldn't bring himself to keep shutting down her kind words.

"You're right," he said with a nod, "I'll work on it." He gave a half-smile.

Esme nodded, "Good."

Edward sighed and then presented the rules of the game he had laid out. For the next several hours, the two of them occupied themselves with card games, and shared a few stories from their pasts. By the midnight hour, they made their way out for a hunt and made the most of the rest of the night.


	30. Chapter 30

Esme's mood totally changed after the first night away from Carlisle. She and Edward spent almost all of their time together, and with each hour she told herself she was that much closer to seeing her husband-to-be again. While she missed him dearly, Esme took advantage of her time alone with Edward. He went out of his way time and time again to make her laugh, and to keep her feeling upbeat. The two of them hunted, played card games, checkers and chess; Edward even went of his way to let Esme check his homework.

"Well, these few days without Carlisle haven't been as loathsome as I had originally imagined," Esme admitted. She looked at Edward, who sat in a wooden rocking chair with a book while she listened to a random radio station in the living room.

"So, you figured I wouldn't be good company?" Edward teased. He kept his tone dry, and didn't look up from the book in an attempt to remain serious.

"Oh, no... no I didn't mean that at all," Esme began to explain, feeding into his purposely stone-like demeanor.

He cracked a smile, unable to hold it back any longer and then let out a short chuckle as he lifted his eyes to meet her remorseful stare. "I'm kidding," he assured her, continuing to giggle like a boy.

Esme sighed, letting her posture relax back into the chair she was sitting in.

Edward smiled, "I'm glad you're feeling alright in Carlisle's absence."

"I miss him dearly," she told him, "But I have had so much fun spending time with you."

"Should we play a mean joke on him and leave a note saying we ran off together?"

Esme began to laugh, putting a hand over her mouth as she did so. She then immediately shook her head, "Edward..." She shook her head a second time.

"I just think it would be comical to watch his reaction from afar. I wouldn't let it linger for more than a minute or two."

"You really _are_ a teenage boy at times."

"Well, it's Carlisle's fault really," Edward said with another laugh, "He's the one who changed me."

Esme laughed again and shook her head.

"So, are you getting excited?" he asked.

"For the wedding?"

Edward nodded.

She smiled and nodded back, "Yes."

"I'm really happy for both of you," Edward let her know again, "Think of how long Carlisle has been on this earth alone, and he chose you."

Esme wrapped her mind around the notion and felt waves of anxiousness and excitement pass through her. She didn't know what it was about herself that made Carlisle choose her, and while she could have went round and round on the thought for hours, she decided not to think about it. The reality was, was that they were together, and were bound to stay that way for a very long time.

"You have more worth than you know, Esme," Edward told her, reading her thoughts, "I'm sorry to always speak to you based on your private thoughts as if you're saying them to me, but at times I can't help it."

"You don't have to apologize, Edward."

"Just know that Carlisle is very lucky to have you, and so am I. You've made our lives a lot better. You... you remind me of my mother in a lot of ways. Not your looks, or your age but your mannerisms; the way you look after me."

Esme felt completely touched by Edward's words. There were two things in life she had wanted to be; a teacher and a mother. She couldn't believe the seventeen year old boy had thought of her in such a completely special way.

"Really?" she asked.

Edward nodded, knowing by her thoughts rather than her response that she was not at all offended by his words. He felt gratification in the fact that she felt so strongly by his wholly truthful claims. "Yeah."

Esme felt as if the void she had been feeling from the loss of her human child had been filled just slightly. While the pain was still there, and would never completely fade, Edward coming into her life made gave her a connection she needed and longed for.

Edward could see that Esme was about to hug him, even before she stood up from the chair. Before she could make her first move, he placed a bookmark in the page he was reading and met her halfway across the living room.

The two of them shared a hug, leaving each other feeling grateful for one another.

"Thank you, Edward," Esme spoke silently as they parted, "You mean the world to me."

He gave her a lopsided, closed-mouth grin and nodded. "You mean a lot to me, too, Esme."

She smiled and held both of his hands in her own for a moment before they each made their way back to what they were doing. Every so often Esme would glance up at Edward, only catching his attention from her thoughts. Sometimes he would return her stare for a moment, and other times he would just smile and continued to thumb through a chapter in the book. Either way, a bond had brewed between them that had grown stronger in their constant time together during Carlisle's trip overseas.

Esme wandered down toward the end of the dirt driveway and waited, knowing Carlisle wasn't far. Edward had claimed that he could hear his thoughts, and had excused himself to go for a hunt.

She waited patiently, trying to keep herself occupied in the minutes that felt more like hours as she waited.

Esme took deep breaths, inhaling his scent a little more with each breath. It excited her, and made her crave him. She couldn't wait to see his face, to feel his arms around her, his lips against hers.

She had put on her best outfit, and had taken more time to style her hair, despite Edward's lighthearted teasing.

_He's got to be here any minute_, she thought, recognizing that his scent was dangerously close. _Shouldn't I have seen him by now?_

Esme stood on her tip-toes and looked around the bend, taking a few steps forward slowly. Her feet scraped across the ground, kicking up some of the leftover snow that still clung to the winter ground.

She wanted to call out for him, and almost found the courage to before she felt his touch sneak up around her from behind.

Carlisle slipped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips against her cheek.

Esme smiled and let her body melt against his, placing her hands over his around her mid-section.

"Did I scare you?" he asked, landing his breaths along the side of her face and the highest part of her neck.

She giggled and closed her eyes, "No."

Carlisle snickered and re-positioned himself in front of her, greeting her more officially with a long kiss.

Esme contributed in making it last, and didn't want to ever let him go. She got herself reacquainted with the feel of his lips, and traced her fingers down his jawline. She then tangled her fingers in his wavy, blond hair before pulling him close in a hug when their kiss came to an end.

"I missed you," she told him.

"I missed you, too." Carlisle took a deep breath and inhaled the scent he had been absent from for nearly a week. He pulled back and put his hands on either side of her face, "I love you."

Esme smiled and looked into his golden eyes, "I love you, too."

The two of them shared another series of kisses, neither wanting to part from the other before Carlisle towed her by the hand toward the house. "Is Edward home?'

She shook her head, "No. He went for a hunt, but he'll be home soon."

"How was your week with him?"

"Great!" Esme couldn't contain the glow she had that radiated from his question.

Carlisle smiled and couldn't help but kiss her again, adding to her naturally bright spirit.

"Were you able to do what you had intended to on your trip?" she asked.

He smirked and nodded.

Esme wanted to pry, longing to know what his plans were for the two of them, but she didn't want to ruin it.

"Come on," he urged, "Let's go inside. I'll tell you about my trip."


	31. Chapter 31

"I'm so glad you got to pass through your home town, or home country again, I should say," Esme told him. She smiled, interlocking her fingers with his.

"It was a little odd. Many things have changed," Carlisle explained, "But it was nice to pass through."

She could see that his expression wasn't happy, nor sad. He looked almost blank when speaking of London.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked, drawing an immediate glance from Carlisle.

He gave a closed-mouth smile and nodded, and then kissed her on the forehead, "Bittersweet in many ways."

She nodded, prompting him to smile a little wider.

"I think I'll be able to see the good in it if you were with me," he admitted, "The last memories I have of the place were lonely... sad in some ways."

"I'm sorry."

Carlisle grinned again and gave a little wink as he did so, "Maybe you and I can create better memories there so I can appreciate it a little more."

"I'd go anywhere with you," Esme told him.

He knew it was true, and the feeling was certainly mutual. "I'd like to take you there." He squeezed her hand with his.

She smiled, "I'd like to accompany you."

Carlisle guided her lips to his and the two of them enjoyed a brief embrace before he detailed his journey. Esme listened as he explained of his trip to the different countries of Europe and how he crossed briefly into Egypt to say hello old friend he had spent some time with in passing.

"Amun and Kebi?" she asked, "What beautiful, unique names."

"They've managed to stay in Egypt for a very long time, despite the constant sun," Carlisle explained.

"How do they blend in? It seems impossible. And what kind of animals do they have to eat out there?"

He looked down, and then back up, "They, uh, they're great people but their diets vary from ours."

Esme took a second to catch up to the meaning behind his words. Her eyebrows raised slightly as she recognized what he was telling her. "Oh..."

"Yeah..." Carlisle unnecessarily cleared his throat, "There aren't many like us, who choose to spare human lives."

"I'd like to meet some of your friends."

He grinned, "There is another coven who lives like a family the way we do in Ireland. They're great friends of mine. I've visited them from time to time."

"Are their diets like the Egyptians?"

Carlisle nodded, "Unfortunately. Those are the main barriers that lead me to be on my own for so long. When I stayed with the Volturi for all that time, it became so unpleasant." He shook his head, "It wasn't just the smell of the blood. I can handle that. It was knowing that they were luring humans in to feed on them... to kill them. I can't be around that."

"These Irish and Egyptian families, are they like the Volturi?"

He shook his head, "Not at all. They're really pleasant people. It's just their food choices are enough to prevent me from staying with them more permanently. They're very respectful of my hunting choices, and dear friends for that. It's unfortunate that that keeps us from seeing each other more regularly."

"Did you get to see anyone else?" Esme asked him.

Carlisle nodded, "In England I have an old friend," he smiled and then snickered, "Well I consider myself his friend, I'm not so sure how he feels about me sometimes."

"Who is he?"

"One of the first vampires I've ever met. His name is Alistair."

"Why do you think he doesn't consider you a friend?" Esme asked, truly wondering if there was someone out there capable of not liking Carlisle.

He shrugged and laughed, "He's just not really a people person. I like to check on him from time to time."

Esme smiled, seeing that something about their friendship made Carlisle laugh. There must have been something joyous about Alistair if he cared enough about him to say hello.

"I'm really glad you got to see some of your old friends."

"It was nice," he admitted, "But I'm happy to be back here... with you."

"Me too," she whispered.

Carlisle moved his lips back against hers and kissed her several times before running his thumb over her ring finger. "I can't wait to marry you Esme."

"Neither can I." She glowed heavily whenever he spoke to her so sweetly.

"I wish I could explain how much my life has changed since you've come into it."

"Mine too. You've managed to give me a whole new vision to what love is, Carlisle. I had lost all faith in the notion when I was married to Charles." She cringed when speaking his name and shook her head.

"You don't have to talk about it." He brushed some hair away from her face, sensing her last sentence brought up a bit of pain.

"It's okay," Esme said quietly. She guided his face back to hers and kissed him with a gentle passion. "You changed me for the better."

Carlisle hoped this was true, taking his own double-meaning in her words. _You changed me..._ He thought back to the night he changed her into the immortal she was now, and hoped that Esme would always feel that way. He was never fully sure of himself when thinking of turning people into what he was. Was it right? Was it wrong? Did he even have the right to do what he did?

"Don't doubt yourself," Esme said, as if reading his mind, "I've never felt this type of happiness before, and I still can't believe I'll get to be with you forever."

The two of them shared a long hug, and Carlisle spoke into her ear, "I'll always protect you, Esme. I'll never hurt you. I'll always respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I love you."

Esme hugged him tighter and closed her eyes. "I love you so much."

They stood in silence for a moment before Carlisle finally moved to face her. He tucked his thumb beneath her chin and smiled, "The next step is our wedding."

Esme smiled from ear to ear and nodded.

"Are you ready?"

She didn't hesitate. "I've been ready since I've been sixteen."


	32. Chapter 32

Esme had managed several trips into town with Edward, who posed as her brother. She learned that somehow he and Carlisle had somehow doctored up fake identifications. She wasn't quite sure of the whole story, but they promised to catch her up whenever she felt like listening to the whole story.

No one questioned their sibling relationship, as Edward accompanied her to try on different types of dresses to wear at the wedding. The two of them shared similar hair colors and their features were now unspeakably alike due to their immortal transformations.

Esme began to laugh each time she asked Edward, "What do you think?" It must have been the fifth or sixth dress she had tried on, and acknowledged that women generally did that type of shopping together. She held a mild sympathy for him in putting up with her girlish antics, but each time she asked he simply complemented her choice, made her feel beautiful and gave his honest input.

There was one dress in particular that caught her attention, and Edward knew it from her thoughts. While he agreed that she looked beautiful in it, he overemphasized how much he liked it.

Esme was too wrapped up in the thrill of her wedding to Carlisle to even think about the possibility that Edward's mind reading had come into play while he approved of her choice.

She imagined the day they would say 'I do', and how they would speak those faithful words to one another at the altar of a small church in front of Edward and the priest. That was all they needed.

Visions of Carlisle standing waiting for her in his black suit and tie, and then placing a ring of forever around her finger made her entire body feel light as a feather. She had waves of anxious excitement that she found impossible to control.

Edward smiled, but didn't interrupt Esme's silent gushing as she imagined the perfect wedding day to the man she had loved and waited for, for so long. He knew they both deserved the happiness. There was a nervousness he could sense that Esme clung, but he knew it was a positive feeling.

Esme's shoulders moved and down as she took a deep breath as she looked into the oval mirror that was positioned in front of the wall in the back of the store.

"I think this is the one," she said, staring at the darling, white gown. "Do you think-"

"It's perfect," Edward told her.

"Really?" she turned to face him.

"Carlisle won't know what to say," he went on, "He'll be speechless when he sees you."

Esme sighed and smiled, and then wrapped her arms around Edward. "You think so?"

"I know."

She sighed again with a nervousness she couldn't mask, and then turned around as the store's owner approached them.

"I'm going to take this one," Esme told the old man with white hair and glasses. She looked down at the dress she didn't want to part with.

The man nodded, "Bring it to the front." He smiled dryly and turned around.

"All business," Edward said quietly with a grin.

Esme smiled at him, and then went to the back to change back into the clothes she had been wearing.

Edward pulled out his wallet, and Esme felt guilty as he paid in full for the dress she was about to wear to her wedding.

"It's fine," he assured her with a laugh, "The money is Carlisle's anyway."

Esme laughed lightly, but still felt the guilt for not having any money of her own.

The man behind the counter eagerly took the wad of cash that Edward had handed him and looked to Esme, "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

He nodded politely in response, packaged the dress and then bid them adieu as Edward escorted Esme out of the store.

She sighed once they broke out into the fresh air, and then looked at Edward. "It's getting easier," she explained.

"Being around humans?" he asked.

Esme nodded, and then looked at the bag that was draped across Edward's hands. "I can't believe this is really happening." She spoke out loud, though it was more of a thought.

Again, he saw the nervous expression that clung to her face. "Esme," he said, "The two of you are going to live a long, happy life together."

She smiled, "I feel like I'm going to wake up and this will all be a dream or something." Esme shook her head, "Like I'm in a coma and this just one elaborate dream. I'll wake up and be alone..."

Edward put an arm around her shoulders as they began to walk away from the store, "Esme, you'll never be alone again. Carlisle loves you. There's never a moment when you'll have to worry about being alone. I've seen his thoughts. I know exactly how he feels about you."

She looked down, feeling overwhelmed. She wished she could release some emotion and give a good cry, though she didn't know why she felt like that. She was happy; on top of the world happy, but the notion that she had of this to lose made her feel scared.

"And for what it's worth," Edward continued with a smirk, "I don't plan on going anywhere either."

She smiled at him, "It's worth a lot." Esme linked her arm through his and the two of them walked back to the car.

"Now, the trick is to get the dress inside where Carlisle won't be able to see it until the day of your wedding."


	33. Chapter 33

Esme fantasized for days over what the wedding to Carlisle would be like. She pictured him over and over again standing alone at the end of an isle where she would walk to. His hair would be perfectly combed back, as it always was. He would be wearing an all black suit as he prepared to marry her. They would exchange vows, kiss and then he would sweep her away to places she had never been before for their honeymoon.

The night before the wedding was perfectly overwhelming. Esme had never felt the type of nervous excitement she was currently experiencing; not even as a young child on Christmas Eve. If it were possible to sleep, she knew she wouldn't have been able to. All she kept telling herself was, _at this time tomorrow I'll be married to Calisle_.

Esme sat in front of an elegant mirror by the bureau and toyed with her hair. She wondered how she would style it in the morning before they left for the ceremony. While she certainly wanted to look her best for Carlisle, her hair was the last thing she could sit pondering about.

_One more day_, she thought. A smile crossed her face, and then she turned her attention toward the wall beside the mirror upon hearing her husband-to-be moving around. His office shared a wall with her bedroom, and she thought about leaving the spot where she sat to go see him. The fact of the matter that just a few inches of material separated them made her want to break through it.

Esme sighed heavily and refocused on her reflection. She studied the curves of her body and ran a hand down her jawline. Anxiety plagued her mind as she thought about their honeymoon. While she was excited to get to know Carlisle on an intimate, physical level, she hadn't properly taken the time to analyze it all. Esme suddenly wished she didn't have so much time to think.

_What will he think of the way_ _I look? _Her thoughts traveled back to Charles and she cringed, simultaneously scolding herself for putting him on the same wavelength as Carlisle. She knew the experience would be different, though there was a lingering fear from her past that she couldn't completely shake. Esme never enjoyed the late night hours with her ex-husband, and she felt no desire for the man or the act itself.

_I feel desire for Carlisle_, she reminded herself. She looked herself in the eye in the mirror and let a genuine thought cross her mind. _I want to. I'm ready to._

Esme sighed again, hoping to release all the nervous feelings that she couldn't shake. Again, she heard Carlisle shuffle in an uneven fashion and thought to herself, _I wonder if he's as nervous as I am..._

Carlisle attempted to read in his office, but nothing worked in distracting him from the feelings he had about the wedding on the following day. He was ready, and had no doubts about marrying Esme. The feelings, however, were enough to keep his anxiety heightened. After centuries of loneliness, he hadn't quite mentally prepared himself for the possibility. His mind was still catching up to the true nature of what was to come.

He sighed, and knew Esme could probably sense his uneasiness from the next room. On the same wavelength, he was sure Edward was reading his every racing thought and they were probably driving him crazy.

_I wonder what Esme is feeling_, he thought.

Carlisle hoped that she was feeling content, and right about the whole situation.

_Was my proposal too soon for her? Is she ready to marry me after her first experience with marriage?_

He shook his head, remembering all the looks in Esme's eyes and her elated reaction to his proposal. He was certain she felt as sure about the whole situation as he was, but he wanted things to be perfect for her. He didn't want her to feel rushed or even the slightest bit unsure of things. Carlisle wanted the wedding and the marriage to be everything Esme deserved. He wanted it to be perfect.

The room was dark, aside from a lantern flickering in the corner of the room and a small light on the corner of the desk. The house was silent, and the atmosphere was slightly tense as if everyone was tiptoeing around each other.

Carlisle focused on Esme's room. He sat silently for a moment and just listened. On the other side of the wall he could hear her swallow nervously, followed by several breaths in through her nose. She randomly sighed with the occasional shuffle, and the sound of the chair sliding an inch or so across the floor let him know she was probably perched in front of the mirror by the dresser.

He could tell she was nervous, just from the subtle sounds she let out that she, herself, probably wasn't even aware of.

_As long as she's not in her wedding dress I can still see her the night before the wedding_, he reminded himself.

Carlisle stood up and looked around the room. He knew he couldn't sit there until the morning in silence, drowned out by nothing but his thoughts. He would surely go mad before the following day, and he knew he couldn't have that; not when he was finally close to securing the happiness he had never known before Esme had come into his life.

He took in a deep breath and slowly crossed the room, pulling the door open before crossing into the hallway.

Esme's door was closed, but he could see a faint lighting that highlighted the small space between the floor and the bottom of the door.

Carlisle gave a light knock at the door. He took a deep breath and waited, listening to her footsteps gliding carefully over the floorboards before the door opened.

Esme smiled, and looked down and then back up again. "Hello."

"Hello." Carlisle gave a half-smile and released a breath from his nose.

"You're not here to tell me you have cold feet are you?" she asked, still grinning.

He snickered lightly and shook his head, "No."

Esme leaned a hand on the door frame. "Good."

Carlisle continued to smile before gently bringing his lips to hers. He closed his eyes until their lips parted and he looked into her eyes, "I was trying to be patient, but knowing you're right next door, I couldn't just sit alone in my office."

She smiled wider at him and the two of them shared another longer kiss. Esme placed a hand on the side of his face before pulling him to her.

Carlisle winced from the force of Esme's grasp, though didn't let it show in his posture because he didn't want her to let him go. When she finally loosened her hold on him he kissed her again and then moved a few stray locks of hair away from her forehead and the curve of her face.

"Are you ready to take this journey with me, Esme?" he asked.

Esme studied his eyes and then nodded with confidence. "Yes. I am."

He took in a deep breath and swallowed hard, "I can't wait to marry you tomorrow. I might be spoiling it by coming in here. I don't know if it's bad luck to see you the night before, but I don't want to stay away from you tonight."

"It's certainly not bad luck," Esme told him, "That's only if you were to see me in my wedding dress."

"Good." Carlisle eagerly pushed his lips against hers again.

The doubts and fears that Esme had felt in the segregation of her own mind drifted away with how natural she felt being in his embrace. There was no thinking involved when she kissed Carlisle like that; when he held her with a combination of passion and care and love. He gave her confidence that she had never known, and it made her love him more.

Carlisle's eyes flickered open and he looked around the dimly lit room. He openly acknowledged that the following the next time the two of them found themselves in this position, they would be a married couple. He recognized the number of emotions that accompanied the truth to that notion, and he wanted nothing more than to live up to Esme's expectations.

"What are you thinking, Carlisle?" she asked, breaking his thoughts.

He swallowed hard, still standing with his arms wrapped around her, "You," he explained, "I'm thinking about our wedding... our honeymoon."

Esme grinned and glanced over her shoulder toward the bed that was virtually untouched. His eyes followed her stare and then they looked back at one another.

"I'm ready for all of it," she told him.

Carlisle nodded. He then switched his view toward the window. "Do you want to take a walk around town, the way we did that night of the big snow storm?"

Esme nodded with enthusiasm and smiled again, "That would be lovely."

He looked down and took her hand in his, and then linked his fingers through hers. He kissed her another time chastely. "Let's go."


	34. Chapter 34

Esme stood quietly by herself, gathering her thoughts in the back room of a small chapel. She had looked at herself in the mirror a hundred times and had been pacing around the room as her nerves took over her body.

_This is it_, she thought, _I hope this isn't a cruel dream and I'll wake up just before I say 'I do'._

Esme shook her head and looked at herself again in the mirror. She sighed and looked down at the wedding dress that Edward had taken her into town to buy. When she wore it at the store that day she felt as if she had never looked better before in her life. Now, she felt self-conscious. She tried not to let the insecurities get the best of her. While Carlisle provided her with more confidence than she had ever known, there were still remnants of her past that left her feeling anxious about herself.

A light knock at the door caught her attention, and Esme snapped her head in the direction of the sound across the room. She knew it couldn't be Carlisle, and recognized before he entered that it was Edward.

"Come in," she said quietly.

The door opened and Edward emerged. He smile the second her saw her and stood politely at attention, "Are you ready?" he asked, still hanging onto a wholesome grin.

Esme swallowed hard and then nodded, "Yes."

"I think Carlisle may start to think you've changed your mind if you remain in this room for much longer." He laughed lightly, and Esme smiled at him, shaking her head as she did so.

"Never," she said honestly, despite the light-hearted nature of Edward's remark.

He held out his arm and Esme crossed the room, linking her arm through his as he prepared to take her for a walk down the isle.

"It's not every day a brother gets to give his sister away," he teased.

Esme smiled, and then managed a small laugh before her expression turned more stone-like.

The two of them rounded the corner into the small church, filled with only four rows of pews on each side of the isle. Esme's heart stopped when her eyes fell upon Carlisle up at the altar. He looked perfectly stunning in his suit and tie. His hair was as flawless as ever, and Esme could see the slightly anxious expression that clung to his face. The more time the two of them spent together, the more she could read his subtle movements and facial features.

Esme smiled subtly and took in another deep breath as she and Edward passed the second row of empty seats. Their typically swift steps seemed to take forever, and all she wanted to do was run up to him. She didn't want to wait another second, though she admitted to herself that the anticipation was anxiously satisfying.

Edward turned to Esme as they were now just a step before the altar. He lifted her veil and Carlisle opened his hand as he took a step in their direction.

Esme sighed, as her hand was lead to Carlisle's, a first step in connecting them for all of eternity.

Edward smiled at the two of them, and then took his place in the front right pew.

Carlisle helped her up, carefully guiding her so they were face to face before the preacher began his words.

Esme's eyes never left Carlisle's, as she was the first to recite the lines that would spiritually bind them together. He, too, never looked away and Esme kept hoping that her fairytale was real.

_I love him more every day_, she thought to herself.

Esme spoke every word in truth, though the final two words made her snap back to reality. "I do."

Carlisle tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile at her words, and his body seemed to relax a little. He squeezed one of her hands with his and then took his turn reading his share of the vows.

Esme's emotions heightened with each word he spoke, bring their marriage closer and closer to being complete. She felt as if she was floating, listening carefully to every word Carlisle repeated from the priest. In the same way the words had brought her out of her first daze, Carlisle's "I do" almost made her freeze.

She smiled at him and felt a wave of butterflies begin to dance in her stomach.

_One small hurdle let_, she thought. It was something she had no doubts about.

"... speak now or forever hold your peace." Esme could only process the last part of the sentence because she kept visualizing Carlisle's eyes as he said "I do". It was perhaps the best moment of her life.

Carlisle momentarily glanced at Edward, who grinned at his father's thoughts.

_Don't even think about saying anything, _he teased in his mind.

Edward chuckled lightly, leaning forward just a little as he did. Esme, too, glanced in Edward's direction before the preacher got their attention again.

"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Carlisle smiled at Esme, who smiled back and accepted his lips against hers. As her eyes closed, the world disappeared and all she could envision, think about or feel was Carlisle.

_I'm Dr. Cullen's wife. _In Esme's mind she was sixteen again. He was her most farfetched dream come true. She belonged to him, and he belonged to her.

Edward clapped and Carlisle finally broke their kiss to thank the man who had married them.

"May God be with you both, and lead you into eternal happiness," the preacher said. He smiled, providing wrinkles to already aging face.

Esme smiled back and thanked him, sensing a true friendliness about the old man. She then looked at Carlisle again, who smiled at her before guiding her down off the isle.

The two of them took turns hugging Edward, and Esme thanked him again for everything he had done to help prepare her for the wedding. She kissed him on the cheek before Carlisle had his words with him.

"You'll be okay for a few weeks by yourself?" Carlisle asked. He pulled back from the brief hug to look him in the eye.

"Of course," Edward told him with a nod, "I'll attend classes, hunt..." He shrugged and then laughed before pulling him in for another hug. "Enjoy your time together. I'll be fine."

Carlisle sighed and hugged him hard before returning his full attention to Esme.

"The car's all ready for you," Edward told them with a nod.

"How will you get back?" Esme asked him, but then smiled as he grinned.

"I'm much faster on my feet." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Have a wonderful time."

"Thank you, Edward."

He nodded again and opened the door that lead from the church out into the world.

Carlisle lead Esme toward the car that Edward had decorated without them knowing, and opened the passenger door. He helped her in before joining her in the driver's seat.

"Carlisle-" she turned, only to be cut off by his lips against hers.

Esme kissed him back with raw enthusiasm and passion.

He broke their embrace off abruptly, "I love you," he huffed happily, finding her lips again quickly.

Esme smiled in the midst of their kiss, "I love you, too."

"Are you ready for forever to start?"

She nodded and smiled. "Yes."


	35. Chapter 35

Hours had passed since the wedding and Esme couldn't contain her excitement. "Where are we going?" she asked.

Carlisle glanced over at her as they drove and smiled, and then laughed at her giddy behavior. He linked her hand with his on top of the shifter for a brief second, "You really want to know, or an I surprise you?"

She smiled wide, "You can surprise me."

He leaned his face across the way and kissed her once. "Are you happy?"

"A single word can't quite capture how I'm feeling right now, Carlisle," Esme smiled wide, "But to give the understatement of the year, I'm _very, very_ happy."

Carlisle smiled back and continued their drive.

"Are we in Canada?" Esme asked him.

He nodded, "There are going to be several stops along our honeymoon," Carlisle explained, "I hope that's okay."

"That sounds perfect to me."

The two of them drove for awhile, talking and laughing. Esme still couldn't believe that everything that had happened up to that point was real. It all felt too good to be true, though she kept telling herself that Carlisle really was her newly-wed husband and he was driving her to a secret location for their honeymoon.

Carlisle finally pulled the car to a halt near a heavily wooded area and cut the engine. He looked to Esme, and then made his way to her side of the car.

"I think we'll get to our destination faster if we take the rest of the way by foot," he told her.

Esme smiled and nodded, "Okay." She looked over her shoulder into, realizing for the first time that they hadn't packed a bag. "Our clothes..." She laughed, "Did we forget them."

Carlisle smiled and shook his head, "I took care of it."

She smiled, enjoying the mysterious nature of their first adventure as a married couple. "Are we just going to leave the car here?"

"For now," he told her with a nod. Carlisle then held his hand out and Esme took it as he whisked her onto his back and headed full speed through the trees.

Esme wanted to shout out loud from the excitement, but she refrained. The wind whipped wildly through her hair as she held on tightly to Carlisle. After just a few minutes she realized they were so deep into the forest that it was quite possible that no human had ever been there. Nature had completely taken over, and only the animals and the trees were left to greet them.

Carlisle ran for miles without even a hint of stopping for anything. As they got to higher altitudes snow covered the ground, deep in some areas and just lightly dusting others. It was long before Esme completely lost track of where they were. She assumed they were still in Canada, though she didn't know when they would stop. The run through the woods was far too thrilling for her to even contemplate asking Carlisle to stop for questions.

_Some don't even need to be answered_, she thought to herself. The truth was, Esme didn't care where they ended up as long as she wouldn't have to part from Carlisle.

He ran with her on his back for hours, stopping one time to hunt in the area. They took the time to talk and kiss and exchange "I love you's" before Carlisle threw Esme back onto his back for the remainder of the journey.

While she was tempted again to ask where they were going, she held off and enjoyed the freedom that went with the area of solitude.

_This is the best day of my life_, she thought.

Esme tried to push images of her human wedding to Charles out of her mind. She had dreaded the day to begin with and had hated exchanging vows with the man even more. The words had been a lie, and they were practicing pulled from her mouth in order to get the ceremony over with. The wedding night was even worse, as Esme never held even a speck of desire for the man. He had ruined the idea of making love and had instilled a fear of the act in her heart.

She forced herself away from the dark place that had once been her life. Esme fully focused on the present. Her marriage to Carlisle was nothing shy of perfection; it was a dream come true. He was her fairytale prince that had swooped in just in time to save her from eternal darkness. Now, by some fateful chance, she was kicking off a life of eternal bliss. While she still held onto fears of intimacy, Esme wholeheartedly recognized that she would have already crossed that line with her now husband had the moral factor of marriage not been a factor.

_I'm ready_, she told herself, sighing against the side of Carlisle's face as he proceeded at full speed to their destination.

"Are you okay?" he asked, turning just slightly before putting the breaks on so he could face her.

Esme hadn't realized the power of the breath she had released, and now looked at him with a smile. "Yes."

"Are you sure?" he grinned back, "That was an awfully big sigh, even with all this wind I felt it."

She laughed, now completely separated from her dark human memories with the sound of his voice and his beautiful face facing hers. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just in that anticipation mode." She continued to grin, "I'm excited."

Carlisle smiled, and then gave a wink that made her weak in the knees, "We're not far, and I was hoping to get here before the end of the day so it would still technically be our wedding night," he laughed, "Thanks to the time differences, we'll be able to fulfill that I believe."

Esme smiled at him, "Well, we better get going then. It's been dark for hours." Her eyes scanned the landscape that was completely covered in an untouched, fresh snowfall that was covered at the top with a shimmering, icy frost that was all highlighted by the full moon. At that moment she felt as if she belonged nowhere else in the world. It was like the secret, beautiful landscape was meant only for them.

Carlisle touched his lips to hers, making the moment feel all the more special.

Esme let her body melt against his and she suddenly didn't want to move forward to their destination. Everything felt perfect right where they were. She felt like they were in a made up place; a fantasy world.

"We're not far," Carlisle repeated in a low voice, just above that of a whisper. He placed a hand on the side of her face before reaching for her hand.

"Can I get a ride?" Esme asked him with an almost guilty expression.

He smiled wide and placed her on his back again before making their way to their first destination of the two week trip he had planned.

The landscape was just as beautiful with the same shimmering landscape that was outmatching only by their flawless, immortal skin. Esme's eyes landed on the outstretched ocean that glimmered and gleamed for miles without a break in the uniform ripples that created a picture perfect image.

Trees towered around where they emereged from the woods, though broke out into the wide open area where a house sat in the distance next to the water. From where they stood, Esme could see an outstretched wooden dock and a boat.

_A boat?_ she wondered. _He has a boat? No one owns their own boat, not like that one._

Carlisle turned to Esme and motioned toward their private location where he had taken her to.

"Where are we?" she asked, overwhelmed by the area's beauty. "This place is... amazing."

"Anchorage," he told her, "Alaska."

"Alaska?" the word left her mouth in disbelief. "This is what Alaska is like? I always thought of it as this cold, lonely place."

"Well to most it would seem cold," Carlisle said with a smile, "But I suppose we get to cheat that part of it."

"This is the most beautiful place I have ever seen." Esme shook her head and put her hand over her mouth. The cold, wintery atmosphere provided Esme with feelings of warmth and wholeness. Again, she felt as if she belonged, like he belonged, like _they_ belonged - together.

"I've been here a few times," he admitted, "I thought it would be a good place to start."

Esme looked around, noting no other houses in sight, and the smell of human blood was nonexistent. She sighed and turned to him, kissing him enthusiastically. "I love you," she said, "I really love you. This day is... amazing. I couldn't have thought up such a perfect day, or a perfect location."

"I'm glad you like it so far."

"I love it."

Carlisle kissed her once more, sensing she wanted to make it last. He smiled to himself and walked her toward the house. "I'd like to take you on a boat ride around the area before we get overly comfortable," he told her with a grin, "But I want to assure you that you and I both have numerous changes of clothes here." He squatted down and removed a key from under a small door mat, and then unlocked the front door of the house.

He quickly turned on the lights and lit a few candles, allowing Esme to have her look around the quaint cabin.

"How did you do this?" she asked, still bewildered. Her eyes drifted around the area. A small rocking chair sat in the corner of the living room next to an elegant stone fireplace. A wool, plaid blanket was draped over it.

Next to that was a small dinner table with four chairs, and paintings hung sparingly on the walls. Furniture was placed strategically around the room on top of the wooden floorboards.

"I told you my time away from you was for good reason," Carlisle said, grinning as he pulled her down the hall past a wash room. He illuminated a bedroom that sat toward the back of the house. It was spacious with beautiful furniture and a bed far bigger in size than the ones at their home.

He pulled open a door that held just enough closet space for clothes for both of them. Some of Esme's favorite dresses, and several that were brand new hung on a rack next to a few of Carlisle's outfits.

Esme sighed, and turned to him.

"Consider this our temporary home," he told her with a grin while lighting several candles and placed them on the night stand by the bed.

"Thank you for doing all of this," she told him. "This is far too much, Carlisle."

"There is nothing that is far too much for you, Esme."

The two of them didn't say anything for a few minutes. They looked into each other's eyes, before Carlisle gave a half-grin and took her hand in his. "Care to take a trip onto the ocean with me?"

Esme didn't want to leave the room they were standing in, though she was excited to see what he had in store for them on the water. "Of course." She smiled and he brought his lips back to hers again. "Come on. We'll be back here in an hour."

"Okay," she agreed in a whisper, "I love you, Carlisle."

"I love you, too." He took her by the hand and lead her back out of the house and into the crisp, Alaskan air.


	36. Chapter 36

Carlisle extended his hand and helped Esme aboard the boat that was just big enough for the two of them. The night seemed to shimmer with a exquisite collection of whites and blues of all shades as they began their journey atop of the icy Alaskan waters.

Esme had the same repeated thoughts. She felt as if she was living a real-life fairytale. Had anyone predicted _this_ as her future, she would have told them they were crazy. How drastically different her immortal life was from her human life. Esme felt as if she had been given this second chance at happiness, and in return she would not waste a minute of it.

"Where did you get a boat like this one?" Esme asked. She was aware that Carlisle had managed to save money, but she wasn't aware of exactly how much. _No one has their own boat_, she thought to herself.

"I, uh, just recently purchased it," he told her with a smile, "While I was away."

"I've never been on one before." Esme couldn't help but beam as she spoke every word. Her eyes scanned the clear, starry sky above them as the boat drifted away from the shore.

"Well, I hope you enjoy yourself," Carlisle told her, still smiling. "And consider the boat a wedding gift."

Esme raised her eyebrows at him.

"It's yours," he told her.

She shook her head, "It's yours."

"I bought it for you," Carlisle informed her, "I suppose it's for us really, but..." He shrugged subtly and then gave a light laugh as Esme looked stunned. He leaned in and kissed her lips gently. "The house is yours, too, Mrs. Cullen."

_Mrs. Cullen_. Esme could have died right then and her life would have been complete. _He's the first person to address me as Mrs. Cullen... his wife. _She smiled wide, finding more pleasure in the way he addressed her than in the fact that he had purchased a house and a boat for her.

Esme didn't know how to top the words he spoke to her and so she kissed him as a response. Carlisle only broke it to steer them in the right direction.

He linked his hand tightly with hers and Esme cuddled her body against his as he steered with the other hand. "I have friends that have lived in Alaska," he told her, staring off into the distance as they went.

"You do?" Esme smiled, "Who?"

"They live as a family like we do, and they hunt animals."

"Really?"

Carlisle nodded, "There are five of them. They often reside in Denali. I passed through on my travels, but they weren't there when I visited. If they had been, I would take you to meet them."

"What are their names?"

"There are three sisters, Irina, Kata and Tanya. Another couple who I'm very fond of, Eleazar and Carmen, also live with them."

Esme smiled, "It's good to know there are others like us."

Carlisle nodded again and winked, "I've tried to spread the idea of feeding on animals to others, though they haven't been as receptive. Tanya had started doing it on her own the way I did, and the others in her family were influenced."

"That's wonderful."

He nodded, "Not all vampires as the monsters they're made out to be."

Esme studied the features of his angelic face, "I already know that."

Carlisle looked at her and smiled, and the two of them shared another kiss. "Thank you for believing in me. I know it's not easy."

"It is now," Esme told him, "Because of you."

He couldn't keep himself from kissing her at every chance he had. While Carlisle truly wanted to show Esme all the beauty that Alaska had to offer, he was beginning to wish he'd planned the activity for the following day or night.

Esme's eyes flickered open, feeling flighty and on-top-of-the-world they way she always did when Carlisle kissed her. She glanced into the distance and saw a collection of lights amongst the darkness. They were pale and uniform, though were perfectly illuminated in the darkness.

"What's that?" she asked, pointing up the way.

Carlisle grinned and directed the boat in a straighter direction than he had been. "There's a little town up there," he said, "It's small; quaint. When there's a snowfall like the one they've had recently it's a beautiful sight to see."

Esme smiled and the words 'winter wonderland' played in her mind.

Carlisle took in her expression and smiled, cupping his hand around her shoulder while she continued to lean into him.

While the lights could be seen from a distance, it took nearly twenty minutes to get to the area.

"How adorable," Esme gushed as they eased passed the small cluster of homes that seemed to be tucked away from the rest of the world. "You'd never know this was out here."

Carlisle nodded, "It's nice... quiet."

She agreed with a nod, catching glimpses of humans inside a few open windows. They were easy to see, a bright speck in the darkness.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"I'm more than okay," Esme assured him, "I think I'm still full from that elk. Was it elk I had?"

Carlisle snickered and nodded.

"Look," she pointed, "Someone way back there is having a fire outdoors." Esme took in a deep breath, "I love the smell of firewood."

He couldn't keep himself from grinning, happy that Esme was thinking of the smell of burning wood rather than the scent of human blood that lingered so close.

"Gosh, why haven't you lived here?"

Carlisle half-smiled, "Never had anyone to share it with it." He turned, still partially grinning.

"We might have to make this one of our many destinations in the next one hundred years." She laughed at how crazy the phrase sounded.

"Of course," he told her, "We do own property here now."

Esme couldn't fully process that this was her reality. She actively told herself to stop thinking about how or why she ended up where she was and just lived in the moment. She allowed Carlisle to show her all the beauty of Anchorage that they could see from the water and promised that the next day he would show her what the land had to offer. She didn't object and couldn't wait to see what the foreign area had in store.

An hour-and-a-half went by before they were back at the dock. The round trip was well worth it, and Esme was left feeling awake and alive.

Carlisle tied the boat to the dock and then joined Esme back on the snowy landscape that lead up to the house. As he pushed open the door, he asked her, "So, what'd you think?"

"I think I want to move to Alaska," she said with a laugh.

Carlisle laughed with her and then closed the door behind them. "I'm glad you enjoyed the boat ride."

"I loved it."

He smiled and then released her hand only to walk toward the fireplace where a small stack of wood waited to be placed inside. "Since you liked the smell of the campfire so much..." He held up a piece of wood.

Esme smiled back and nodded. A few minutes later, the friendly aroma of burning firewood took over the cabin.

Carlisle rejoined Esme across the room, where she still stood only a few feet in from the door.

"You can make yourself at home," he reminded her, "This is yours afterall."

"It's ours," she reminded him, slowly pulling his body so it was up against hers.

Carlisle touched his lips to hers once and the fire popped. The two of them glanced to the side at the same time and he towed her by the hand toward it, before using a long skewer to push a piece of the firewood back.

"This house is amazing, Carlisle," Esme told him.

"Feel free to make any changes you want," he said, "I've seen some of the sketches you've done of houses in your spare time."

"You have?"

He nodded, "You're really talented."

Esme smiled shyly, self-conscious about her work.

Carlisle tilted her chin gently upward using his thumb and pointer finger so they could make eye contact.

"I love you," she said quietly to him.

"I love you, too."

"This is better than anything in my dreams," Esme went on, "And my dreams were pretty... good, to say the least." She grinned, and then looked him in the eye again, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Esme stood up on her toes to kiss him, and Carlisle reciprocated her actions. Within a minute or two their passion for one another had escalated and Esme stopped herself to ask a simple question.

"Should we go... down the hall?"

Carlisle felt his jaw tighten and he nodded, "If you'd like to."

Esme breathed in and out once through her nose. She hadn't separated herself from him, "Yeah." She could tell Carlisle was about to check again to make sure she was positive about her answer, and so she kissed him again with same level of enthusiasm as before.

Carlisle pulled her against him for a moment before he allowed her to lead him down to the hall to the bedroom.


	37. Chapter 37

Esme kissed Carlisle the second they crossed through the threshold of the door. He whole-heartedly kissed her back, temporarily allowing his will power to leave his body. He wasn't sure what restrictions remained regarding their relationship, but he did know that he had to be sure that Esme was comfortable with the level of intimacy that hadn't left his mind since they'd returned from the house.

His hands drifted down her body, though he stopped at her hips as the two of them continued to kiss passionately just inside the entrance of the bedroom.

Carlisle wanted to slide Esme's dress away from her shoulders. He knew he could do it with ease, but he refrained and pulled his lips away from hers to look her in the eye.

Esme's eyes flickered open and landed directly on his.

"I want to make sure-" he began, though Esme cut him off.

"I'm ready Carlisle." She looked him in the eyes.

"You're sure?"

She nodded, "Yes." Boldly, she did what Carlisle had been thinking of and just slightly slid her dress away from her shoulders.

He allowed himself to proceed without thinking more in depth about it, as Esme crashed her lips onto his.

Carlisle kissed her back, this time going with exactly what he was feeling. He aided Esme the rest of the way in getting her dress off, and allowed her hands to maneuver the buckle on his belt until he could switch his hand to successful undo the button himself. A moment later, he found himself on top of her on the bed, fully recognizing that all of Esme's clothing had been discarded to the floorboard beneath them.

In the process, his shirt had been ripped open, leaving only one or two buttons on his dressy attire before he managed to rid of it completely.

Esme sighed heavily into his ear, as Carlisle made his way from the highest part of her neck down to her shoulders with his lips. She didn't have time to accurately process the intense nature of the situation, and for the first time in her life she didn't care.

Carlisle encouraged Esme's wandering hands, and slipped himself out of his pants before relocating the two of them under the covers.

He stopped for a second, unable to hide the lust in his eyes as he spoke in a heavier tone than he ever had in his life.

Esme clutched Carlisle's bare shoulders with one hand and intertwined her fingers in his hair.

"I'm okay," she told him, feeling his heavily aroused body up against hers.

Carlisle closed his eyes as her hand grasped his hair firmer. He then brought his lips back to hers, exploring her mouth with his tongue.

Esme urged him on with her body and a moment later felt him join himself to her. She sighed and felt him pull his upper body away from her for a moment.

"Are you still alright?" he asked.

She nodded, keeping her eyes closed for a moment before they fluttered open and she met his gaze. Though the emotional nature of the situation consumed her, she managed a small, genuine smile and pulled him back to her.

Carlisle completely put his mind to rest and for the first time in three hundred years let his body take control. There wasn't a thing that could have prepared him for that moment with Esme. He had never known something so perfect, passionate and pleasurable in all of his life.

Esme felt as if her wildest dream had somehow come true. All of it had been perfect; the way she awoke to find him, the way he saved her, their building relationship that lead up to a wedding day that couldn't have been more perfect. Now, Esme was overcome with a type of pleasure that she hadn't know existed. The intimate moments in her horrible first marriage were nothing like the moment she was currently experiencing with Carlisle. His touches were gentle and arousing, and above all else she felt safe and loved in his arms.

Esme laid with her eyes closed and Carlisle laid partially on top of her with his arm draped across her body. She didn't know what time it was, nor did she care. She guessed the lack of need to end their first love-making session of their married lives could be attributed to immortality. She wasn't even sure how they had come to a stop to begin with.

Carlisle took a moment to let his mind catch up to the last several hours. He suddenly wondered how he'd gone so long without this type of connection with somebody. On the same note, he was happy to have waited to share such a moment with no one other than Esme.

He turned his head to face her for the first time, suddenly worried about what about whether he matched up to her expectations.

Esme smiled wide at him and didn't have the proper words to say. Her expression made him relax a bit, though he let out a decompressing breath.

She guided his face to hers gently and Carlisle closed his eyes as he laid another kiss on her lips.

"I have one question," Esme said finally.

He looked at her intently and raised his eyebrows, completely unaware of what she was about to ask.

"How will we be able to stop?"

Carlisle paused a moment before a slow smile crept over his face.

Esme began to laugh and toyed with his hair. "Really."

"I'm afraid I don't have the answer to that," he told her with a light laugh.

"That's okay," she told him, "I don't really want one."

Carlisle kissed her again and sighed into her mouth before he separated himself from her.

Esme couldn't keep her hands off of him. She never wanted to leave the room they were in. She could spend hours laying the way they were while she traced the muscular lines of his back and chest, and ran her hands through his wavy, blond hair.

"You're okay?" he asked, though already presumed he knew the answer.

"Okay?" she laughed, "I'm far above and beyond just okay."

Carlisle smiled again, "You know, I had a lot planned for our honeymoon," he told her, "But I really don't know how I'm going to take you all over the world when I have no desire to leave where we are right now." He laughed again and Esme smiled wide.

"The world will be here for a long time," Esme reminded him, "It can wait."

"Mmm..." Carlisle brought his lips back to hers and Esme guided him back on top of her. For the next twenty-four hours the two of them enjoyed the great indoors of Alaska.


	38. Chapter 38

Carlisle toured Alaska with Esme, showing her the wonderful close-knit nature of the popular towns, and the mysterious beauty that remained hidden in the deepest parts of the woods where humans rare set foot.

Nature was far different here than anywhere else Esme had ever seen. The perfectly laid snow made all of it all the more beautiful. They swam together in the icy waters, that felt more like a warm bath than temperatures near the freezing mark. Carlisle surprised Esme with a pair of ice skates, and despite being immortal she was surprised at how easily it was to glide around the small frozen ponds.

Esme found herself repeating the thoughts that continually crossed through her mind. "This is the most romantic place on earth."

Carlisle was happy that she was happy, and for the first time he found a type of beauty in the Alaskan territory that he had never fully noticed before. It was as if he was granted a new vision; a new way to see the world now that Esme was by his side.

He lead her to Denali, hoping to see his old friends, though with much disappointment they were not in the location where they'd previously made their home. Still, he assured Esme that one day they would reconnect and he would introduce her to the other coven who spared human lives.

"Has Edward met them?" Esme asked.

Carlisle nodded, "Yes. Once."

She grinned, "I look forward to the day when I'll get to meet them, as well."

"You will." He smiled back and Esme pulled him close to give him a kiss.

"You said that none of the sister have a mate?" she asked.

Carlisle shook his head, "No. Only Carmen and Eleazar area a couple."

Esme thought for a moment, "What about Edward? Would he be interested in any of them?"

He smiled, and managed a light laugh. "Um, well, Tanya seemed to have set her sights on him, though he didn't appear to show much interest."

"Why?" she asked, pressing her eyebrows together.

Carlisle shrugged. "I don't know the actual reason. She's a beautiful woman, but they just didn't have the connection I suppose."

Esme felt a twinge of jealousy she knew was unnecessary when Carlisle spoke of Tanya. She couldn't help herself when she blurted out the next question. "Did you... ever... have any interest in..."

Carlisle began to laugh and shook his head. "No."

"Never?"

"Not at all." He smiled and chuckled again.

"If these women don't hunt humans and they're beautiful, then why didn't you or Edward ever pursue them?"

In other words, she thought to herself, what's wrong with them?

"A lot of our values differ," Carlisle explained, "And again, I never felt anything in a romantic sense with the Denali sisters. There is no connection there."

Esme nodded and sighed.

"I didn't think there was anyone for me until I met you, Esme." He smiled, "Nobody gets me the way you do."

Esme felt like a giddy young girl instead of grown woman. She glowed from his words and looked down shyly with a wide smile.

When she looked back up her eyes met his. "I love you." They were the only words she could accurately come up with.

"I love you too."

She pushed herself up onto her toes and shared another long kiss with him under the light of the moon.

"This will be our last night in Alaska," he explained, "I know it's only been a few days but I was thinking we could see a few more locations around the world."

Esme smiled, " I can't wait."

Carlisle grinned. "What was your favorite place in Alaska?"

"Oh gosh," her eyes scanned the remote landscape, "How could I possibly pick just one?" Esme took a deep breath, "I may have to say the boat ride we took on the first night here. That little town with the families and the lights and the small bonfires. It was just... unforgettable."

He couldn't help but chuckled amidst his wide smile as Esme gushed as she spoke of their first night in Alaska. He pulled her body against his and lifted her off the ground, making her laugh before bringing his lips back to hers.

"Every day with you has been perfect in its own way," Carlisle said, "But these last few days I think I can say have been the best days of my life."

Esme decided to be playful in the way she spoke back to him. "Which day starts off the last few days?"

Carlisle snickered and placed her feet back on the ground without removing his arms from around her. "Well," he began, "I'll start with our wedding day. It was better than I could have imagined it would be."

She smiled up at him, "Mmm-hmm."

He continued to grin as he spoke, "I think I'll have to agree that my favorite part of our time here was the boat ride on our first night. I was glad everything went according to plan, and that you were enjoying yourself."

"It was perfect."

"I'm glad."

Esme tugged on the scarf that hung from around his neck and looked up at him. "And how was everything else that night?"

Carlisle laughed, "I'm not sure I have the words."

"You're an intelligent man," Esme urged him. She wanted to know exactly what he felt of their first intimate encounter together.

He let his smile fade to a smirk and wanted to be sure that his explanation would do her the justice she deserved. "Esme, I couldn't have imagined that the night could have been any more perfect. I thought I would have been more hesitant and shy even." He laughed for a moment and looked back at her, "But I trust you with everything I have, and I love you. The way it all panned out, it felt natural." Carlisle grinned sheepishly again, "Honestly, I wasn't going to say so but I think I enjoyed that part of the evening a little more than the boat ride."

Esme began to laugh with him and felt his arms tighten around her just slightly.

"Like I said, every moment I've spent with you feels like the best day of my life," he went on, "But that first night with you was absolutely perfect in every way."

She sighed, overcome with the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. "I think I can say the same. Did I happen to tell you how many times I thought about what that would be like as a human?"

"Just as a human?" he teased with another snicker.

"Oh, no," Esme said right away, "Far more as a vampire. I'll contribute some of that to no sleep, and some of it to having nothing but a paper-thin wall separating your bedroom from mine."

Carlisle laughed, "You found that to be a struggle too, huh?"

"You have no idea."

He continued to laugh lightly before he tucked her hair behind her ear as a strong gust of wind blew past them.

"Well," he said, grinning, "If you've seen plenty of Alaska, would you care to spend our remaining evening back at the house?"

Esme nodded and scrunched her nose, "It's getting a little chilly out here."

Carlisle smiled and gave her a wink, making Esme's heart melt even more. He held out his hand and nodded his head in the direction of their temporary home. "Let's go."


	39. Chapter 39

Rain trickled down the window pain, tapping lightly at the glass as evening was threatening to begin over the small New England town. Dark gray clouds had rolled in long since before the sun had begun to set and just beyond the outstretched yard of the beachside home, waves crashed wildly against a row of docks and boats of all sizes.

Tap, tap, tap...

Rain continued to fall, streaking down the pains of glass that were separated by thin bars of wood painted white.

Carlisle lifted his head up and met Esme's lips with his own. She laid on top of him beneath the covers with her hands placed on his bare chest.

"I can't believe this is the end of our honeymoon," Esme said, sighing deeply as she did.

Carlisle traced a hand up and down her back. "These few weeks went by fast."

"So, you've taken me all around the United States," Esme recognized with a grin. "And some parts of Canada." She leaned down and kissed him once. "I _loved_ Alaska."

He smiled back and glanced out the window. "And how have you enjoyed the coast of Maine?"

"Maine is beautiful; the beaches, the little rows of houses and shops..." Esme sighed again. "I never in a million years thought I would get to scale every inch of the country. It felt impossible." She smiled at him, unable to keep herself from doing so. "I guess all of this seemed impossible just a short time ago."

"Do you have any regrets of this life?" Carlisle asked, "Do you-"

"No," Esme cut him off. She shook her head. "I love every, single thing about it. The throat burning when I'm deprived of blood isn't the most comfortable." Her accompanied giggle was purposeful to let him know she was kidding. "But it's well worth a little discomfort for everything I've gained."

When Carlisle didn't immediately respond, she kissed him again.

"I love you."

He closed and opened his eyes. "I love you, too."

Carlisle urged her mouth back toward his and kissed her with a slow, enthusiastic passion.

Esme felt the familiar butterflies form in her stomach as she kissed him and felt his level of arousal heighten. The pleasure she experienced from the simple touches his hands as they traveled along her body in their embrace was unlike anything else.

The feel of his gentle fingertips as they danced along the curve of her back sent chills of desire down her spine.

Esme felt high in the moments of physical intimacy with her new husband. In all of the times she had fantasized about him leading up to day of their wedding, there was no fantasy that even remotely lived up to reality.

Carlisle found himself to be completely comfortable with Esme on every level. The nerves he'd felt the first night they were together had vanished and were replaced with a whole-hearted passion of his own. Carlisle recognized how significant this new part of his life was going to be, and the only worry he had was what life would be like when the two of them returned home and privacy was virtually non-existent. On the same note, Carlisle had never had something so overwhelming to compete with his clear, work-based state of mind.

He did recognize, however, how lucky he was to have such a struggle; the struggle to balance out two aspects of his life that he loved and cared for so much - calling Esme his wife, and practicing the art of medicine. Carlisle knew he would find a way to keep the two major parts of his life in check, and decided that he wouldn't worry about it that night.

He flipped himself so Esme was now positioned beneath him and smiled down at her.

Esme giggled and locked herself against him as tightly as she could. Her hands pressed firmly into his back and she locked her legs against the backs of his.

"Let's enjoy our last night alone," she told him.

"How would you like to spend it?" he joked, touching his lips to hers as he spoke.

Esme laughed and kissed him at the same time. "Well seeing as we hiked practically all day," she kissed him again, "And then shopped once it got dark... and walked the beach."

"Yeah?" Carlisle smiled down at her and accepted another kiss.

"I think we should spend the remainder of the evening right here."

"Alright." He kissed her again and the two of them got lost in the moment, and in each other.

Esme loved the little obvious reminders that he was her husband, and smiled against his kiss again when she felt his wedding ring against her fingers as he interlocked his hand with hers. She finally felt whole. Esme recognized that her dreams had quite literally come true.

_._._

The two of them laid together listening to the rain in the later hours of the night. Esme laid against Carlisle's chest with one leg draped over his beneath the blankets. She smiled every so often when he'd use his fingertips to create a pattern across her back. Everything about the moment was soothing, and she greatly enjoyed the silence.

A number of thoughts were racing through Esme's mind, but one was reoccurring. She wondered if there would ever come a day, possibly in the near future, when she and Carlisle would talk about having children.

After the events of that night and those just passed, she wondered if the possibility existed that it was already in the midst of taking place.

Esme smiled to herself again and looked up toward Carlisle as he exhaled deeply. A part of her wanted to talk to him about it that moment, but she didn't want to get into a heavy, serious conversation right then.

I'll save it for when we get home, she thought.

Esme closed her eyes and felt Carlisle's arm tighten around her just a little. The two of them continued to lay entwined, listening to the sound of the rain as the final night of their honeymoon came to a close.


End file.
